How to not be clingy

05.11.2018

You have this feeling that if you are going to spend one second less with your partner, then something terrible is going to happen? You want to spend as much time with your partner as you can? You are monitoring your partner on social network? You call or text your partner every ten minutes? Well, most of the people would say that you are truly in love with each other, but, actually, you are just too clingy. And while you may start arguing with this point, it is better to start asking yourself "Am I being too clingy?". While you may think that you are just too supportive and in love, it can actually lead to the end of your relationship.

What Does Clingy Mean?

You've definitely heard about clingy people before, but what does it mean to be clingy? Well, if you check the urban dictionary you can easily find out what does clingy mean in a relationship. When you are so obsessed with your boyfriend of girlfriend that you leave them no space to breathe without you, you are clingy. Now, you probably feel that there is some negative aspect about being clingy. Well, it's okay to devote your attention to your partner, but becoming a control-freak in your relationship is definitely not the best choice. You've heard a lot of guys complaining about their girlfriends phoning and texting them all the time, and not giving them time to spend with their friends.

That's what does clingy mean to a guy. You've heard a lot of girls complaining about their boyfriends being overly controlling and not giving them even enough alone time. Well, that's what does clingy mean to a girl. All in all, when you are all around your partner all the time and his or her answering machine is never empty because you are leaving a message about how much you love him or her every five minutes... most likely you are clingy.

Signs of Being Clingy

Okay, while we've given you a brief description of what being clingy means, if you really need to figure out whether you are clingy or not, you need dig a little bit deeper. The best way you can sort it out is learning the signs of being clingy. And in order to help you, we've collected the most common signs of clinginess.

1. You're a Phone Stalker

We've mentioned it a few times before, but, after all, it's the most common sign of being clingy. When you are clingy, you are not just calling or texting your partner from time to time. You partner's phone is actually blowing up all the time. If you are not phoning, then you are texting. If you are not texting, then you are phoning. And it goes on and on and on. And while you hadn't thought about that much, your partner started thinking that you might be of a jealous kind. And you should think about that too, but we are going to get to that later.

2. You're Getting Nervous When Your Partner Doesn't Respond

Another sign of being clingy is getting extremely nervous when your partner doesn't respond. You don't think that your boyfriend or girlfriend might be busy. Your very first thought is that something has happened to your partner. Your second thought is that your partner is not picking up or texting you back on purpose. And then you start thinking about possible reasons of your partner doing that on purpose. Regardless of what crazy explanation may lurk in your head, all in all, they lead to more phone calls and messages to your partner.

3. Spying On Your Partner On Social Networks

You are constantly checking your partner's accounts on social networks. Moreover, you are letting him or her know about that by constantly asking awkward questions like "who was that guy commenting on your photo?" or "who was that girl who tagged you in that post?". Have you ever tried explaining your actions to yourself? Probably not, but you are simply too clingy.

4. Hating When Your Partner Goes Out Without You

It’s okay when partners are having alone time, it's okay when partners go to different parties without one another. It’s okay when one partner doesn't visit friends of another, as they don't go well together. But it's not okay for you. You hate it when your partner goes out without you. If he or she does it, regardless of letting you know beforehand or not, the scandal is escalating quickly. Moreover, you can intrude the party to check out whether your partner... by the way, whether your partner what? What do you expect to find? That your partner is cheating on you? Why don't you trust your partner?

5. Offering To Move In Or Get Married ASAP

Now, the most important sign that clearly indicates that you are clingy – you are not giving your relationship time to develop. You are dating for a month, and you already offering to move in together or to get married. In certain cases the mutual chemistry between people is that great that they don't need to look any further, but let's be honest, you are offering to move in together or to get married to each and every of your partners just after dating for a month. It's your fear that they could run away otherwise.

Why I Am So Clingy?

Before you start yelling that you are not clingy and you wouldn't have called or texted that often if your partner has replied to your messages and returned your calls immediately, try to figure out why you are so clingy. The very first question that you need to ask why people are clingy in general? Well, there are a few reasons that cause clinginess, and we offer you to check them out without further ado.

1. Insecurity

Insecurity is often the main cause of clinginess. You feel extremely insecure and it causes the constant paranoia that your partner might run away. That is what makes you check your partner on social networks, call or text him or her every ten minutes and getting psychotic when he or she goes out without you. You are haunted by the fear that your partner may be unfaithful not because he or she gave you a reason for that, but because you are feeling insecure.

2. Lack of Confidence

You feel the lack of confidence in everything. You were not sure about your studies, you are constantly worrying that you might get fired. So, it makes no surprise that you feel the lack of confidence in your relationship. You don't think of yourself as of a great partner, and that's why you are so clingy. The lack of confidence is the root of clinginess. You convince yourself that you are not valuable to your partner, and that he or she would swap you for someone else, and that what causes your clinginess. That's why you constantly phone and text your partner, and try checking out where he or she is at the moment. You are trying to save your relationship, but it does more harm than good.

3. Increased Level of Anxiety

Anxiety is another reason behind clinginess. When you are constantly anxious you need to know that nothing is threatening your relationship. And that makes you check your partner whereabouts all the time. All you want is to be sure that nothing is threatening your relationship, but, once again, it does more harm than good. Of course, your partner is angry at you, as, all in all, it feels like you don't trust him or her, and your partner gave you no reason to doubt his or her loyalty.

How to Not Be Clingy in a Relationship

Considering the fact that you clinginess is most likely going to kill your relationship off, you need to think about how to stop being clingy in a relationship. Your constant checking irritates your partner, so sooner or later he or she is going to leave you if you don't do something about that. So, what to do if you want to learn how to stop being a clingy boyfriend or girlfriend? Is it time to visit a shrink? It can be a good idea, but why you need the Internet after all? In order to help you, we've compiled a list of tips that will help you figure out how to stop being clingy, which we offer you to check out without further ado.

1. Build Your Confidence

You should start from building your confidence. That is how to stop being so clingy. As soon as you feel confident about yourself, you will be able to stop checking on your partner. So, think about three things that make you special. Mind that clinginess doesn't make you special. Those things will help you love yourself. The next step is taking pleasure in being good at something. You can't be good at everything at once. Are you good at writing or running? Respect yourself for that. Try smiling more often, that will help you acquire the body language of a confident person. And stop shying away from you flaws. Everyone has them and you need to work on them, they won't disappear if you pretend that they don't exist.

2. Work On Your Trust Issues

Let's face it, you have serious trust issues and you need to work on them. Ditch the past that haunts you. You are probably terrorizing your partner with your phone calls, as once you had a significant other that cheated on you. Learn to let go of your past, so it won't interfere with your present. If someone in the past betrayed your trust, it doesn't mean that it should happen again. Moreover, you need to realize that being clingy won't make people loyal to you. If you can't make it on your own, then you can go to a shrink who will convince you in it with ease.

3. Accept That It Takes Time

Last but not least, if you want to learn how to not be so clingy, you need to accept the fact that it takes time. Of course, you would like to take a pill that will exorcise all the clinginess inside of you, but things like that haven't been invented yet. So, don't panic when it seems that you are taking baby steps in stopping being clingy. Little by little, you build your confidence. Little by little, you work on your trust issues. Little by little, you work on your flaws. Little by little, you learn to give alone time to your partner. Accepting the fact that it takes time – that's how not to be clingy, as if you are in a hurry, most likely you won't score any results. So, give it time and the clinginess will go away even faster than you've expected.