How to embrace your partner's past


Should someone's past relationship affect? Jealousy for the past turns a couple's life into a nightmare, making it difficult to rejoice and enjoy relationships in the present. There is no need for a reason; you become jealous just from the thought that your partner was once happy with another.

How to get over jealous of past relationships?

Envious is a destructive feeling that arises in relation to the person you love. Envy is usually expressed in a strange and overly suspicious attitude toward a partner. And jealousy appears when your loved one does not live up to the expectations that you have placed on him. The reason for such feelings and behavior may be hiding in your complexes.

Why does my husband's past bother me so much?

In psychology, there is such a thing as "incomplete gestalt." When we have unfinished relationships, we often carry that baggage over to later novels. And they can provoke different feelings: anger, resentment, guilt, anxiety, and jealousy.

If your past relationships were broken or ended painfully, this is the very “incomplete gestalt” that prevents you from building new and positive relationships, causing jealousy. That is, you physically broke up with your past partner but not emotionally. You can continue to have negative feelings for your past partner but squeeze them out in a new relationship and thus turn the new relationship into an old one. So that this does not happen again and you can start from scratch with a new person, you should close all issues with your ex.

How to accept the past of your partner?

How to embrace your partner's past - image 1

It is impossible to stop being jealous because jealousy is a basic feeling. But jealousy can be controlled. In order to learn how to do this, you need the following:

  • Become mentally mature. This means that it is time for you to start taking responsibility for everything that happens in your life and relationships. You should also analyze and understand your feelings.

  • Learn to set and mark the boundaries of personal space in a relationship. Everyone needs to have a personal space, their own interests, and hobbies.

  • Make it a rule to tell your partner how you feel. Angry says, "I'm angry," jealous, "I'm jealous of you."

  • Remember, no one owes anything to anyone; we are with each other only because everyone receives positive emotions from relationships and communication. Also important is accepting your partner for who they are.

  • Do not be afraid to let go of your loved one to give him freedom. As soon as you try to hold him tightly in your hands, "tie" him to you, your partner will begin to look for ways to escape from you.

  • Take jealousy as a signal. Think about what you are doing wrong in relation to your partner and why he switches his attention to another girl or begins to remember past relationships.

  • If you do not get rid of jealousy for your partner's past and simply break off the relationship, then soon, this scenario will repeat itself. You will find a new man, and sooner or later, you will begin to be jealous of his past. So just let go of the past and enjoy the present.

How to get over your partner's past?

Jealous of a partner's past is almost always a projection of a person's own insecurity. Think about what questions may torment him in this regard.

  • “What if past relationships were more important to my partner than this one with me?”

  • “What if he/she loved/and that person more than me?”

  • “What if he/she will compare, and the comparison will not be in my favor?” etc.

The unconscious desire behind these questions is to become the most important, the main, the most beloved, and the most valuable for you, that is, unique and special. But the funny thing is that sometimes it is. And for a long time. And the jealous man is only in his fears, in his ideas, his fears, that is, exclusively in the world of his own complexes and fantasies, sometimes not seeing that in reality, he has already become really the most important and main thing for you.

Where does such a perception of oneself and the world come from, as always, from childhood? If the parents did not let the child realize their value but, on the contrary, underestimated it, then the child, constantly hearing “you are still a nobody, and you have no right to vote,” gets used to living with it all the time. He is agonizingly waiting for the moment when he will finally grow up and stop being a "nobody." But time goes by, and the feeling that he is still "no one" remains, despite the outward attributes of recognition and love.

Because inside, the person himself continues to treat himself the way his parents treated him. And the removal of the inner parent from one's own self-image and the formation of a different internal attitude towards one's own personality is a task, as a rule, that can be solved only in psychotherapy.

Of course, you should not discount your own search; there are methods of independent work on self-confidence. But one thing is sure to solve this problem; your partner must realize that this is, first of all, his internal problem, and take responsibility for his jealousy of your past relationship, and not shift it onto you.

Adding fuel to the fire can also be past negative experiences in your partner's personal relationships of infidelity, the departure of a loved one, or simply an unsatisfactory relationship. But here, sometimes, there are enough facts from current relationships and a person’s great desire to live in the here and now. If my wife's past bothers me, then you should work on yourself.

Does the past matter in a relationship?

Jealousy of the past can also be an unconscious dissatisfaction with the relationship. In other words, something seriously does not suit a person, but he really cannot explain what exactly. And anger, disappointment, resentment, and irritation accumulate. Anger accumulates, and then some fact comes to hand that, from an external point of view, is suitable as a reason for splashing out anger.

As a rule, at these moments, you are trying to explain something, to prove, to swear love, but all this will no longer be relevant for your partner; his dissatisfaction has reached such a boiling point when your personality, along with your experiences, no longer matters, has meaning only the jealous person's own pain and accumulated anger.

How to get over someone's past?

Sometimes jealousy of the past serves as an unconscious way of manipulation, for example, when a guy tells you about his past relationships. By making you chronically guilty, a jealous partner is trying to make you a more controllable and dependent person.

Naturally, you will be afraid of such manifestations of jealousy for something with which nothing can be done, and, accordingly, you will try your best to give in, bend over, even humiliate yourself in places and push your needs further and further, fearing new outbursts of anger and accompanying scandals. It also happens that a girl is faced with the fact that my husband loves to hear about my past lovers.

The one who is seized by jealousy - this is all that is needed. After all, his underlying sense of his own worthlessness and dissatisfaction with relationships requires one thing that the partner meet as many expectations as possible, give as much love and attention as possible, and emphasize and recognize the value of jealousy as much as possible.

Why does a girl's past matter? "If you don't live up to my expectations, you should/should be punished." This punishment of mistrust and suspicion often helps the person become symbolically related to you. "I am suffering, and now you are suffering with me." This brings temporary relief. It seems that you finally "understood" how much it hurts someone jealous.

How to get over someone's past?

Outbursts of jealousy for past relationships often occur when the jealous partner becomes too carefree, too happy, and begins to enjoy life too much.

This hurts the jealous person for his inner trauma because he feels bad almost constantly because the whole world, in one way or another, reminds him of his own non-value. And so your joy and happiness, according to his feelings, share by your couple.

And then the jealous man unconsciously tries to “restore justice” to make you suffer no less strongly, and then he will feel a kinship, understanding, and at least the illusion of togetherness, which is achievable for him only in joint suffering.

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