Love and Mental Health: A Relationship with Self-Care

How to be your best self in a relationship? They quarrel, swear, and break up, but we definitely won’t have this! This is how every couple thinks starting to live together. But unfortunately, not everyone manages to keep the relationship as bright and passionate as it was at the very beginning. Misunderstandings, resentment, and irritation come. How did it happen? The secret is that eternal love does not appear to anyone - conscious couples build it themselves in the course of events. Complete mutual understanding, respect, and tenderness for each other until old age is always the result of the painstakingly hard work of two, a man and a woman.

How to focus on yourself while in a relationship?

Psychologists never tire of reminding us that working on relationships should only be a team effort. Does your partner really want to develop and become better with you? Does he intend to strengthen relations, or is he not serious about his role? A simple test that you can arrange for yourself will help here:

• Have you really let go of past relationships?

• Do you keep your word to your partner? Are you keeping your promises?

• Have you introduced your partner to your inner circle?

• Do you discuss relationships with your partner and make plans for life?

• Do you have time to help or support a partner? Or are you always busy when he needs your attention?

But experts do not advise thinking out motives for a partner. If you are not sure about something, then the best option is to directly ask him or her a question before putting yourself first in a relationship.

6 stages of relationship development

Scientifically, the relationship of each couple develops according to a similar scenario:

• Merging. You feel like a single whole, not noticing differences in character or habits with each other.

• Differentiation. You express your interests and views to your partner at an opportunity, subconsciously testing his feelings for strength. At this stage, many are surprised to notice how different they are.

• Study. This special stage is needed to understand your feelings when you are not together. Spend more time at work with friends. At this stage, unfortunately, there are betrayals.

• Rapprochement. Harmony comes, and an understanding comes why you are better together than alone or with other people. Common goals appear a common way of life is built.

• Cooperation. You are absorbed in the arrangement of family life, you are sincerely interested in the interests and achievements of your partner, and you support each other.

• Synergy. You are a real team: what you have achieved and accomplished together cannot be created alone!

As practice shows, without self-development in a relationship, a couple breaks up already at 2-3 stages. It is difficult to achieve synergy; only those who really work on themselves are capable of this. And most importantly, taking time for yourself in a relationship.

How to work on yourself while in a relationship?

In fact, it is possible to build a conscious relationship for every couple which two people love each other:

• Be honest about what you like and don't like about the relationship. A high proportion of the reasons for parting - partners hide their true emotions from each other. They are silent if something irritates them - let him/herself guess! And when you are already at the limit, your soul mate continues to think that everything is fine. That is why you need to discuss sharp corners and boundaries in a relationship before “I don’t like” turns into “I hate you.”

• Find what unites you, your story. The next common reason for divorce is the banal lack of mutual interests. What do you expect from relationships in the future? Why are you together? What gives each of you the union? Can you work on yourself while being in a relationship? Even if you like completely different things, creating a common one is easy by coming up with your own rules and rituals. For example, a romantic dinner every Friday or a trip over the Christmas holidays. It is essential that it is really interesting for both of you.

• Keep being an individual and focusing on yourself in a relationship. Couples often break up and, due to the fact that one partner completely dissolves in the other, forgets about their own interests, desires, and goals. According to the standard, ideal relationships should occupy, on average, only 25% of your attention. The origin of the problem is that a person falls in love with a person. When the partner actually turns into his "continuation," he or she becomes uninteresting.

• Do not accumulate negative emotions. Many people make the mistake of believing that hiding irritation and anger from a partner is a wise decision. On the contrary, life demands to accept that a good quarrel is much more useful than accumulated negativity! It is only essential to learn how to conflict correctly - express your opinion constructively, be able to respond sensibly to criticism, comprehend the Art of hearing, and understand another person.

• Don't get tired of actively thanking each other every day. How to practice self-love in a relationship? You don't have to wait stubbornly for him or her to suddenly become your ideal. Learn to be grateful for what you already have - for help, gifts, care, participation, and sincere interest. It is essential that this is always sincere.

• Working on long-term relationships is only a team effort. If one partner tries his best, and the second one does not make even an iota of effort, alas, nothing will work out.

How to put yourself first in a relationship?

We know that there is no limit to self-improvement and education. However, there are sure signs by which you can further judge that you have become a mature person in a relationship:

• You are a realist. Know your partner's shortcomings and fully accept them. As well as their own.

• You respect your partner and yourself. Do not condemn his choice, do not restrict freedom. And be sure to trust.

• You discuss problems with your partner. This must be done openly, sincerely, and honestly.

• You do not control your partner. The conscious relationships of adults cannot be built according to the models “child-parent” and “prisoner-guard.”

• You know that a partner can change. And you're already accepting the changes.

• You are pragmatic. You know how to discuss such “inconvenient” things as the family budget, common household chores, joint trips, and visits from relatives.

• You know how to do something nice, to provide support. Pay attention, give compliments, delight with unexpected gifts, and arrange romantic evenings.

• You are on the same wavelength as your partner. How to make yourself a priority in a relationship? At the same time, you do not dissolve in him and do not demand that his life be concentrated only on you.

Self-care for couples

If you're both ready to work on your relationship, starting with a clear plan is worth it. What can be included there?

• Learn not to sacrifice personal interests and principles for the sake of each other. Continue to be multi-faceted whole individuals in the process of relationships.

• Be honest with each other and with yourself. Are we happy? What can we do together to make our life even brighter and richer?

• Master the art of not being jealous of your partner. And do not consider it your thing. Jealousy constantly plagues both you and your loved one.

• Love yourself and learn to take care of yourself. The truth is simple: you will never get enough love from another person if you don't love and accept yourself. You don't know what makes you happy and what makes you sad.

• Be selfless, but don't give yourself entirely. Strive for a balance of dedication and selfishness.

• Don't avoid conflict. It is better to solve the problem here and now, not expecting it to snowball in size.

• Remember to give each other time and attention. But keep a balance between the general and the particular.

• Work on relationships only together. Be equal; otherwise, nothing will work.

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