Overcoming Contempt in Your Relationship

26.05.2023

How to fix contempt in a relationship? Relationships should be safe havens for the participants, where people feel loved, supported, and approved. If the relationship doesn't serve this purpose, it becomes toxic and hurts rather than life-sustaining. For the same reason, it is important that we learn to recognize the signs of contempt in a relationship and be prepared to act accordingly.

Disrespect is not always as visible as violence, cruelty, or infidelity. Sometimes these signs masquerade as indifference, criticism, or control in everyday situations.

Therefore, we tend to ignore them, downplay and justify them. However, they have no place in a healthy relationship. Their presence can wreak havoc on self-esteem, which can take years to recover. Therefore, it is very important to put an end to these manifestations of disrespect as soon as possible.

Examples of contempt in a relationship

It is very important not to justify any form of disrespect under any pretext. It doesn’t matter if we are tired or stressed, if we are short-tempered, or even going through a difficult period in a relationship.

None of these reasons gives us the right to humiliate or insult another person. However, pay attention to the following examples of contempt in marriage because they can be red flags.

• Your feelings don't count. All your emotions are justified, and your needs deserve to be listened to and respected. If your partner belittles your feelings, accuses you of exaggeration or tantrums, or responds with a gesture of annoyance when you express your displeasure, he is disrespecting you. You have the right to flaunt what you think, feel, and want. The one who claims to love you must be open to listening, understanding, and finding solutions together.

• You are not taken into account when making decisions. What is contempt in a relationship? Being in a couple does not mean giving up individuality and freedom. However, when you are in a stable and long-term relationship, when you share your life with another person, you need to consult with him when making important decisions. If your partner is making you feel worthless and is taking appropriate action for the future without considering you, don't miss this important warning sign.

• Problems in communication. Communication is the basis for resolving any conflict or disagreement in a couple. Plus, it's one of the easiest ways to spot signs of disrespect in a relationship. Shouting, insults, contempt, or sarcasm are the most visible signs of bad communication, but indifference and silence are no less cruel. Neither of these two extremes can be part of the overall dynamics of relationships between people who respect each other.

• Your partner makes no effort to spend time with you. Despite the daily responsibilities, to have a good and healthy time with your partners, both people must make efforts. The one who always finds excuses not to spend time with another, who prefers alternative plans or constantly looks at his cell phone when you are together, does not respect you or your connection. To start overcoming contempt in a relationship, you need to discuss this issue with your partner.

• The partner does not respect your time and space. Not sharing time with a partner is just as harmful as trying to absorb it completely. Your partner should respect the time you dedicate to your career, family, friends, and yourself and not try to coerce or make you feel guilty about it. Individual development is essential and beneficial to the health of relationships.

• Constant and hurtful criticism. What causes feelings of contempt? Does your partner criticize your loved ones, downplay your accomplishments, or ridicule your aspirations? Even if it is done in a jocular tone, such an attitude is completely unacceptable and shows a lack of respect. 

Why do signs of disrespect show up in relationships?

There is no single reason why disrespect becomes a permanent part of the relationship dynamic. In some cases, feelings change over time, and a lack of commitment or motivation causes the person to behave in this way. He may stop making efforts to strengthen the relationship and instead start behaving in a demeaning or belittling manner.

However, in other cases, it may be present in a relationship from the very beginning. It usually has to do with the values and beliefs of the people involved in the relationship.

The relationship patterns we saw as children, the myths about romantic love that we accept as true, and other harmful cultural elements can lead us to think that this way of relating is natural and acceptable. Certain personal deficiencies, such as a lack of emotional intelligence, poor social skills, and an insecure attachment style, can also cause us to commit or tolerate such behaviors. It is essential to be aware of the patterns of disrespect in relationships and the healing contempt in relationships in order to be able to work on changing them or consider the possibility of ending the relationship. After all, you deserve the very best.

How to deal with signs of disrespect in a relationship?

• Both of you must commit to doing personal work to heal unhealthy attachment styles, fears, beliefs, and limitations that may be hindering the relationship.

• It is very important that both of you master the techniques of emotional regulation so that you can be responsible for your words and decisions and not act on autopilot. Learning to manage emotions allows us not to react in ways that we later regret.

• You must learn that assertiveness and healthy social skills are the main keys to stopping disrespect. Both of you must learn to express your opinions, feelings, and requests respectfully but firmly.

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