Signs that my relationship is boring

15.04.2019

There is a basic axiom, which must be told to all the kids, "Love is a wonderful thing, but it is not eternal, you can get bored in a relationship." A healthy relationship is like a good physical shape – in both cases, it takes a lot of effort and time to get the desired result. In this case, relationships are more difficult – the physical effort is not as taxing on your body as a mental effort. And if you are feeling bored in a relationship – lots of effort must be put into it to revive it.

Am I Bored of My Relationship?

Are you thinking to yourself that “my relationship is boring”?

Often, difficulties in love lead to the fact that at some point, one of the partners gives up and says, “I can’t do this anymore, I’m tired/bored of this, we probably don’t match, we are different, we need to go our own separate ways." As a result, the first partner is even more convinced of the correctness of their decision. And the second partner gets even angrier, which motivates the first partner to move away from their lover… Well, you get the idea. In fact, there is no reason to get angry and make hasty conclusions.

Fatigue due to difficulties in love is a perfectly normal thing. Such fatigue is an essential element of love. It happens to any couple, every single couple, even the most loving one, will face this issue. Only the duration and intensity of this boredom differ. Some are able to fix it in a couple of months; some couples need several years. In itself, this sense of fatigue is completely normal. But if it’s normal, why is it such a big problem to so many people? Problems arise where people begin to incorrectly treat such tiredness.

Why People Get Bored in Relationships

People start thinking that such tiredness is a sentence. That this is proof of meaningless efforts. They say that if it does not work out and both partners are bored – they should part their ways. Yet people don’t seem to appreciate things that they have, both partners have grown together and achieved a lot of goals because of each other’s support. Maybe you are, in fact, in the most peaceful period of your mutual life. Previously you’ve had disagreements every single day - now you have them once a week. Previously, a week went by without noticing each other, and now you do.

But people do not notice this and focus on the negative aspects of their lives. And then a terrible thing happens - a distorted look at what is happening leads to despondency and despair. And these feelings aggravate the situation. People start to swear more, get angry at each other, start planning their revenge on their partners. At the same time, everyone has the best of intentions, and they are not the one to blame in any given situation, it is always their partner’s fault.

I'm serious. I regularly encounter this perception of things. “I try as best I can, but then he/she spoils everything and prevents us from being happy.” The fact is that most often people in such situations do not perceive each other as allies. And love is a union, it is a close alliance in the name of a common goal. When one of the allies gives up and is desperate, what does the second ally do? That's right, they encourage the first. And vice versa, of course. When despair overwhelms the second ally, the first comes to their aid.

That is what you need to do when you hear something like, “I can’t do this anymore, I'm tired/bored of this, we are very different, we should go on our separate ways.” from your spouse. It is necessary to be confident yet gentle and say something like the following, “I love you, we will be able to go through this. It is difficult now, but I am sure that we will overcome everything; if I had the chance to change the past and choose another partner, I would have still chosen you.” Such a speech does not mean that everything will be settled at once and that this very moment will be the end of your troubles. Such a speech means that your partner will feel your support, and it will become a little easier for them. They will wonder if a situation is as bad as they initially thought. And this is enough to continue the difficult work on your alliance. It won’t come just like that, in a moment, but it is reachable.

Now let’s look into some signs of a boring relationship.

Signs of a Boring Relationship

1. You would rather choose to spend time with someone else

The fact that you simply do not want to be close to a partner says a lot. Strong alliances are based on trust, and partners must communicate with each other. And most importantly, each of them wants to preserve their love, despite the difficulties. If you are tired of your soulmate and spend time outside your home more often, then you may be unhappy with this alliance.

2. Your relationship is sucking the energy out of you and doesn’t bring you any satisfaction

Do you feel like a squeezed orange next to your spouse? Do you no longer feel the connection between you two? All this implies that this affair does not bring you happiness. Relationships should not deprive you of inspiration and make you plunge into a state of apathy and passivity. On the contrary, they should give joy and make you feel alive.

3. You feel as though you have been led into a trap

When you get bored in a relationship, you feel like you are bound to a person and are unable to escape. You should not feel like you have no freedom in life. If you feel that way, it’s likely that you need to put in some work.

4. Your partner no longer sexually attracts you

You probably do not make love as often as when you met. This is normal. However, sexual desire should not disappear completely. If you are increasingly avoiding sex with your soulmate, there are good reasons for this. Of course, in love, not everything revolves around sex. And yet, this is one of the foundations of a healthy alliance.

What can affect your relationship and make it boring?

1. Too much communication with each other

Here’s the first reason you may be feeling bored in a relationship. Finding the golden mean in a relationship is extremely crucial, and it is twice as important when it comes to communication. As you will see later on, you can have too little communication, which is pretty self-explanatory, but what if you communicate with your partner too much? Do you find it hard to believe that there is such a thing as too much communication? Well, you may be strangling your partner right now with all of your attention and communication. Don’t get me wrong, you love and find each other extremely important, but you still need some personal space in your lives and you don’t anyone to be bothering you from time to time, even if it’s your partner who wants to intervene. Too much communication with your partner will make you look obsessive, clingy, and

ultimately, overwhelming. In the end, such a relationship will become boring to a person you love, all of the attention doesn’t mean anything at this point if there was too much of it.

2. Neglecting your own goals and needs

My relationship is getting boring, what is the reason for it? You may have forgotten about yourself. Of course, if you are not paying attention to yourself, then your life will not be all that interesting to you. It’s really connected to the point above, if you spend too much time on the needs and desires of your partner, you will eventually forget about the existence of your own goals and needs that you wanted to pursue a long time ago. Isn’t it just sad? Yeah, you may want to plunge yourself into the world of love and give everything that you have to a person you love, but, considering the fact that love is not eternal and we all have to accomplish some things in life in order to progress and develop – spending all of this valuable energy on another person is just a suicide. This doesn’t mean that you should be selfish, nothing fruitful will come out of this idea, but once again, finding the golden mean is the key to establishing a serious relationship that will last you for a long time. Otherwise, a relationship will get boring and depressing.

3. Too high expectations

It’s, in a way, the opposite of the previous point. In the first case, you were operating under your own love for a person, you wanted to give as much attention and love to them as possible, sacrificing your goals in the process. In this case, you thought of a relationship as something rather magical and you thought that your partner will turn into a noble knight or a beautiful princess just like that, without a reason for it. This is not the case. All the stories of love that we hear and see are exaggerated in one way or another, real life is harsher, more detailed, more nuanced, and, to be honest, a lot more interesting because of all of the issues that make it this way.

4. Paying too much attention to sex

Sex is great, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, it is the ultimate physical manifestation of love between two individuals that feel strong romantic emotions for each other. But you cannot build a healthy long-term relationship that is built on sex alone. What dominates one’s life eventually becomes routine, something very uninspiring and uninteresting. And, if sex is the building block of your relationship, then it is unlikely that it will stand the test of time. Sure, there are some nymphomaniacs that will be quite happy with such a relationship, there are some couples that clicked because of sex, but the emotional connection is still a lot more important in a relationship than sex, no healthy relationship can be built without it. After having lots of sex without any connection, you will end up with quite a boring relationship.

5. Lack of communication

Let’s get back to the first case for a second, too much attention will eventually become boring to your partner and yourself, and there will be no turning back after that, you either decrease your level of attention and your partner will notice the changes, which may not be taken lightly, or, if you want to continue on with showing too much attention to a person – this will become an uninspiring routine to them. Lack of communication is a serious issue, if you are not talking to each other and not spending time in each other’s company – then what is the reason that you even consider each other a couple?

Sure, there are some factors like having mutual children or something like that, but, in this case, you have to get used to showing more attention to your partner, get out to walk in the park from time to time, try to have an honest conversation with your partner, visit a restaurant, or go on a vacation that may change your lives altogether. There are so many things to do with a girlfriend or a boyfriend to make a relationship more exciting.

6. Giving too much and not getting anything in return

Just as with the point about neglecting your own needs and desires, if you are going to spend all of your time and energy on another person – you will be left with nothing in the end. But only if they won’t give as much attention and love to you in return, and this is a big issue. A relationship should never be one-sided, there is a limit to every passion, and if you just don’t click with each other, one person is a parasite and the other is a host, then nothing fruitful will come out of this relationship. And, in a way, you cannot really talk about such an issue, it seems a bit selfish to talk about the positive things you’ve done for a person, all the gifts you’ve made for them, all the time you’ve spend for their sake. You want to tell them that you feel alone, you don’t get anything out of a relationship. If they don’t want to listen to you and keep feeding you with words of love without actually showing the manifestations of it, then you should leave such a relationship, no questions about it.

7. Not having any common interest

Here’s the last reason why you may feel like “I'm not happy in my relationship”. The passion that sparks between two individuals at the beginning of a relationship is very hard to take rationally, it is very hard to look through its power, and not make mistakes in the process. It is a very beautiful feeling, don’t get me wrong, but then things settle down and see a clearer picture of your relationships. You start a relationship by only seeing the best of what a person has to offer. And then you start seeing the bad things about your partner, all of their flaws and mistakes they make, you also realize that you are not really interested in the same things. This may come as a shocker to some couples, but they wake up after the storm of emotions, realizing that, because now all of their passion is gone, there is nothing to share between them. There is nothing to hang a relationship on.

Let’s now talk about how to not be bored in a relationship when it comes to sex.

Sexually Bored in a Relationship: How to Cope with It

How to not get bored in a relationship and make your sex life more intriguing?

1. Sex shops

If your relationship gets boring, then you can spice it up a bit. Let’s say that you have a joint dinner, and you drink some alcohol, this is the best time to go to a sex shop to look at the products that they have. Sex toys will inspire you to think about diversity, even if you and your partner are not going to buy anything – the ideas alone are enough.

2. Adrenalin

Sexologists claim that sexual desire is directly related to adrenaline. Therefore, if you think about how to diversify your time with your lover, go for some joint karting, skiing, or ride a Ferris wheel. Do not plan anything for that evening: it should be filled with passion.

3. Watching porn together

How to spice up a boring relationship? Porn creates a desire to repeat everything you just saw. And it's great if you watch it together, and the desires are mutual. And yes, the Internet is absolutely filled with all sorts of porn, and both of you will certainly find something that makes you two horny.

4. Shared bath

There is nothing like a warm bath in this world. What could be more intimate than to rub your partner’s back, or be in their arms among the foam and water? Be sure to add a little lavender oil to your bath, it only adds up to the overall experience.

5. Sexting

How to not get bored in a relationship? There is a way to get your partner excited even if they are far away from home. Send them some ambiguous messages and revealing photos, engage in some playful correspondence, and they will anticipate meeting you later on that day.

But what to do when your relationship is boring?

How to Make a Boring Relationship Fun Again

At a certain point, relationships can get annoying, like an old sweater. If earlier your partner’s shortcomings seemed normal or even cute, then now you cannot stand them, all these constant talks about their work, how they are tired and about their stupid little hobbies. This isn’t something that signifies the end of your love, it’s just that you’ve encountered a roadblock.

Tip #1. When a relationship gets boring, give keys to your emotional reactions to your partner in advance, without waiting for a problem to arise. There is no need to be a psychologist to understand this one. You should just observe your own reactions. If you are hotheaded, but you can quickly calm down, explain this to your partner. Help them figure out where your emotional outbursts are, and where there is some serious problem that needs to be solved. In general, as we’ve said, before blaming another person for your pain, look into yourself, maybe you have something to do with your current state.

Tip #2. When your relationship is boring, both of you manage to come up with certain conclusions about the "hopelessness" of your alliance, and these conclusions constantly drive you closer and closer to a breakup. Meanwhile, a problem was solved a day later, and everyone forgot about the threats of “breaking up forever.” Learn to abide by the 48-hour rule. If during this period, a disagreement has not yet exhausted itself – there are some serious problems that need to be addressed. If there is no mention of the issue, and it seems like nothing happened, then you are pretty much fine.

Tip #3. It is not always necessary to react to things. Often, men admit that the best way to react to their troubles is to not react. And women, sometimes feeling that something is not in order, begin to ask questions, react violently to the spouse’s bad mood or fall into melancholy. Sometimes, men fall for the same bait, sometimes people just need to be left alone, you should not run to overwhelm them with care. How not to be boring in a relationship? Don’t be too clingy. At the basis of such an emotional reaction, there may be egoism, for example, if you are in a good mood, and your partner came home angry, they cannot share this happiness with you. So, a normal way to act would be to leave them alone, not to share their anger. This doesn’t mean that you should leave your partner without help, yet you should be more open to the idea that you are both grown-ups and you can stand up for yourself.

Tip #4. How to keep a relationship from getting boring? Change and develop both together and separately. This is the best way to avoid emotional fatigue. Solve problems, don’t get stuck on them. There are no hopeless situations. A person who is not advanced in solving their internal difficulties for one iota in a year or two can cause irritation to their partner. Not to mention the longer periods of living together. Try some new approaches to your difficulties, listen to the opinion of your partner.