Having Sex with Your Ex: Why and Why Not

22.11.2018

A relationship with an ex is a delicate issue. Someone breaks up forever, someone goes to war with the ex, and another one tries to remain friends. In addition, some people practice casual sex with their ex-loved ones. However, this sort of relationships has a lot of “pitfalls.” Why do people have sex with ex-lovers? The reasons may be different, for example, a person may want to return a partner and keep them. Nonetheless, sometimes, sex is just sex, and there is nothing wrong with this natural desire.

After a breakup, not everyone is ready for a new relationship, so the ex-honey becomes a logical choice: you have a mutual attraction, and you know how to give and get pleasure.

Statistics show that sex between partners after a breakup happens in half the cases. This happens most often not immediately after parting but in a few months when they still have feelings and have already forgotten about some offenses. So, if you are dreaming about having sex with your ex, be aware of the most important moments. Should you have sex with your ex: 10 things to consider.

This statement a priori has a negative connotation because sex with your ex-soulmate means a step backward. As they say, “You can't unscramble scrambled eggs.” Even if your ex-loved one completely satisfies you sexually, you should be ready for the fact that your sexual contract will be terminated in the very near future. There is a list of things which you should treat with special attention before having sex with your ex.

1. You will have to play spy games.

You will have to hide your relationship from friends and relatives. They are unlikely to appreciate your utilitarian attitude towards life or, in other words, the desire to benefit in this way. Besides, they may decide that you are together again, and it will be difficult to explain why you openly flirt with the blonde at the bar. Anyway, it’s always better to avoid unnecessary questions and comments.

2. Sooner or later, you will think of old grudges.

After all, you broke up for a reason. Obviously, there was something that prompted you to make this crucial decision. Now, that very thing can get in the way of your almost perfect sexual relationship. It is important to understand that you are no longer a couple, and you should disengage yourself from everything that happened. It is better to perceive the situation "here and now," while it suits both of you.

3. You can fall in love with her again.

You can forget about hard feelings and find out that you have missed a wonderful woman. However, it is not a fact that she holds the same opinion. You can be happy until she tells you that she has met the best man ever, and it’s high time to break up forever. You cannot do anything at this moment because these are the terms of having sex with your ex.

4. You will understand that she hasn’t changed.

You visit her accounts on social networks, scroll down the photos and see changes in her lifestyle. Do you think that the girl has changed, and your second try may work out? That's clearly not the case. If you broke up because she was excessively nagging you or manipulated with the help of sex, then it will all happen again with a high probability. People rarely change, especially in basic things, which, most often, destroy relationships. Consider this thing before you decide to become a part of sex with ex stories.

5. You are not the only person who has had sex with your ex.

This item to consider is for those who do not tolerate cheating and casual relationships. The fact is that you have already broken up, and the girl does not wait for you back. She has her own life, and there are also men among the new friends. Can you have sex with the ex, knowing that she has had sex with someone else? If you are a self-sufficient and confident guy, such things are unlikely to interfere with you having sex with your ex. However, if you like to hang the label “mine” on the ladies, then you should better not even try to have sex with ex girlfriend.

6. You're not a psychopath, are you?

No matter how interesting you consider the opportunity to have sex with your ex, it is better to listen to what the experts say. A group of psychologists has found that in most cases, people who have character problems communicate with their ex-lovers. Those respondents who like to communicate with the exes are tyrants and narcissists. As a rule, people prefer to maintain communication after the breakup for mercenary and manipulative purposes, for example, sex.

7. You should be sure that you need that.

Often, fear of a new relationship becomes the reason for the renewal of the ex-one. You have met an interesting girl, but you still have nothing in common, and you are torturing yourself with doubts and questions. Besides, you can have sex dreams about your ex, and when you meet her in the supermarket, you can feel all range of emotions from tenderness to passion. However, to renew the previous relationship is not easier than to build a new one. Having sex with ex girlfriend is not worth even a little pleasure.

8. You should think about the future.

In addition to the fear of new relationships, almost everyone has worries about the theoretical future. However, anyway, you should stop clinging to the past. Find a new job, a new hobby, or at least upgrade your wardrobe. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and missed opportunities, you should better look ahead and find something curious there.

9. You can confuse the voice of nostalgia with the voice of love.

Just imagine the following situation: you meet in several months/ years after the breakup, you hug her like a friend, smell her hair and understand that her perfume still excites you. It seems that you have made a huge mistake because she is still loved and charming. However, sometimes, it’s just difficult to distinguish feelings from the nostalgia.

10. You should understand her motives.

Nothing happens accidentally, and if you believe that you are a great lover, and this is the only reason why your ex wants to have sex with you, then you are wrong. A rare girl will agree to have sex with ex-boyfriend just because he is good at sex. Besides, in the basic settings of the girl, there is an option “to blame for all the problems, and if something goes wrong, you will become a whipping boy. So, when you tell yourself, “I want to have sex with my ex,” you should realize possible consequences.

Ex wants to have sex: why does it happen?

One day, when you stop repeating to your friends, "I have forgotten about her!" and you really stop thinking about how to ask your ex for sex, she will call you and say, "Hi, how are you? Let’s meet?" 90% chance you will agree for the meeting, and a 50% chance that you will have sex.

Why does she want to meet with you? The answer can be quite banal: female curiosity and the desire to check the statement that ex sex is the best sex. Do you think she is going to tell you that she has never met anyone better than you? It might be so, but oftener, there are three main reasons.

1. She still has some feelings.

This is the most common reason. Whatever affirmations she uses to try to expel you from her reality, your image like a lie detector reveals what is actually happening in her heart. In this case, emptiness and frustration are inevitable. It is unlikely that sex will help restore a relationship with a person with whom they have broken up for some good reason. Nonetheless, she wants to have sex with you, again and again, to understand that you cannot be together and let you go forever.

2. She feels the need to enhance her self-esteem.

That is, she wants to get her rocks off at your expense to prove that she has changed and become better, and you should suffer because you are not together. Usually, this happens because of low self-esteem. Especially if a man left, and not vice versa. Of course, she might have begun to feel sexy, independent, feminine after the breakup, but she still suffers from loneliness.

3. She doesn’t have a permanent partner.

It might also happen that she hasn’t started a new relationship since your breakup, so she doesn’t have a good lover, and she starts dreaming about having sex with an ex. Besides, people say that sex is good for health. So, if she had just stunning sex with her ex-boyfriend, and he knows how to give her pleasure, she can offer him to spend time together. This is the only case where sex with ex may not be destructive to both of you. Nonetheless, she will not get the same great satisfaction from sex without care, tenderness, and love, which fill your relationship. She might tell her women friends after such a meeting, “I had sex with my ex, but it was a huge mistake.”

How to get your ex to have sex with you?

How to have sex with your ex? In theory, sex with the ex must be great because you are aware of each other preferences. This is some kind of guilty pleasure. However, in most cases, sex with the ex turns into a catastrophe for both of you when you forget about the consequences. Nonetheless, if you don’t ask yourself, “Should I have sex with my ex?” because you have already made up your mind, here are several useful tips.

1. Do not take everything too seriously.

There is a big difference between having sex with the ex after a chance meeting at a bar and trying to move in on her with a traditional message at 3 am, “Are you awake?

Let's hang out.” The second option will lead to the fact that she will once again laugh at you with her women friends during their regular meetings. You can start gradually communicating with the ex-girlfriend with the help of social networks. At this stage, you should show your interest in her private life after the breakup. If a girl starts communication with you, then you have good chances to succeed. Anyway, the best option is a “chance” planned meeting.

2. Think about all her favorite movements.

Are there any tried and tested movements that she likes? If you want to turn her on, she should get visual pleasure, looking at you. You should make her think about something that you wanted to try. You can change your wardrobe and haircut, but you should use the same perfume, which will serve as an aphrodisiac.

3. Do not remind her of old grudges.

This point is obvious, so do not remind her of anything. Even if you want to fill the pause, you should limit yourself to talking about what you have been doing recently and what you have achieved. You do not want her to think that you are trying to get her back, do you?

4. Status Quo.

If you did not lose contact before this sex, continue to communicate with her. If you have not communicated, continue to keep silence. Any deviation from the norm will make her wonder why you decide to change the strategy. Don’t offer her to have sex again till she offers herself. If you do not want to become the main character of a soap opera, you should remember that you can have sex with your ex only once. When you begin to have sex with your ex on a regular basis, you will start all over again.