How to Compromise in a Relationship

12.04.2023

What does compromise mean in a relationship? Good relationships in a couple sometimes require certain sacrifices, but this does not mean that for their sake, you need to completely forget about your own values and interests. In some situations, it is impossible to compromise with a partner in any case.

Let's talk about compromise first because relationships are about compromise. It used to be that compromise is the best solution for two who are in a long-term union. However, today psychologists are more cautiously recommending that people make compromises because often agreeing to something that you don’t like or, in principle, doesn’t suit you, you get on rather thin ice.

What is a compromise in a relationship?

Compromise is most often understood as the infringement of one's interests for the sake of the interests of another, and this should not be allowed. The partner gets used to the fact that he is constantly met halfway and shamelessly takes advantage of this situation. And a person who makes concessions very quickly ceases to distinguish his desires from his partner's desires, which, in turn, is fundamentally wrong. Indeed, compromising in a relationship, decisions must be made by two, each of whom hears he chosen one and wants to negotiate with him. Otherwise, we are dealing with a toxic relationship, where one person is well at the expense of another - usually someone looking for compromises. To prevent this from happening, the main rule of any relationship sounds the same as the ancient Chinese saying: “There are exactly ten steps between you and the other person. If you passed your five, and no one met you - turn around and leave!

Examples of compromise in a relationship

What, in essence, is a healthy relationship between two adults? This is when for every act and remark of one, the second gives feedback - positive or negative. Seeing a positive response, the second understands that he is doing the right thing.

A simple example: a couple, She is unhappy with the fact that He constantly plays games, and says about it something like this: “I don’t like this. Either you reduce the amount of time you spend at the computer, or we say goodbye.” He does not want to lose her and decides in favor of their relationship. Or He says to Her: “You spend too much time on your ex; I don’t like it.” She respects her partner's feelings and makes significant adjustments to her friendship with her ex-boyfriend. These are not compromises - these are steps toward a partner when you understand that his requirements are quite reasonable and you can change your behavior without changing yourself. It is very important.

Why is compromise important in a relationship? The partner must be accepted as he is - do not remake him, do not force him, do not demand the impossible from him, because this is the road to nowhere. If you don’t like something in him, and you are honestly ready to admit to yourself that you will never be able to accept it, it’s better to leave right away rather than present ultimatums and seek compromises. This rule, like the previous one, works both ways. In fact, the situation looks like this: you understand that your partner has significant advantages (for example, he is a very responsible, caring, generous, and intelligent person), for the sake of which you are ready to turn a blind eye to some of his shortcomings (for example, he scatters things, until now bites his nails and loves fishing). You accept him for who he is and don't see him stop biting his nails and stop fishing. He knows that you are a wonderful housewife, the most caring wife and mother, and he forgives you that you are a spender and a lover of TV shows. And there is no need to look for any compromises here because people entered into relationships with open eyes, without idealizing partners, without demanding that one urgently quit their favorite hobby and the other stop following fashion.

How do compromise in a relationship?

After we figure out the definition of compromise in a relationship, we need to understand in which situations it is not worth compromising.

• When a partner tries to belittle your self-esteem, devalue your achievements, life goals, and objectives, as well as what you do. If your chosen one tries to regularly hurt you, humiliate you, hint to you that you are not as good as he would like - this is an alarming bell. The person is trying to raise their self-esteem at the expense of yours by lowering you. When you hear such speeches for the first time, you need to show that such conversations are unacceptable, and you will not allow yourself to be offended. If the partner does not hear you and continues to speak of you in the same spirit, think about the advisability of communicating with such a person. 

• When your plans for life and the plans of your partner are diametrically opposed. Let's say you want to get married and have two children. There is nothing wrong. This is fine. The partner is neither ready for a serious relationship, nor for marriage, nor for the appearance of children, and directly or indirectly hints at you in every possible way. At the same time, a partner may be free or may even be married, but it is convenient for him to be in a relationship with you - everything suits him, and he does not want to change anything. And you have a fighting mood: you think you will convince him, he will agree, get divorced, get married - you just have to wait a bit. You are ready to bend and endure anything for the sake of your goal while you do not hear what the chosen one is broadcasting to you. As a result, you adapt to your partner and spend the time you could use to implement your plans and be happy. There are things to compromise on in a relationship, but plans for your life are not among them.

• When a partner interferes in your relationship with friends or parents, for example, forbids you to meet with loved ones without him. He wants to actively participate in your life and control the process; he has outbursts of jealousy with or without reason. It is dangerous to go towards a partner who interferes in personal space to agree with his requirements. If a girl tells a story about a handsome prince who looked after her beautifully, literally carried her in her arms, and now she cannot take a step without him because he is very jealous, this is the beginning of an unhealthy relationship. Because every person has their own personal space, and when we are in a relationship, it is understood that our partner should respect this space and not try to take it away from us. Suppose a partner does not let you meet your friends or visit your parents alone. In that case, if you are afraid of his outbursts of aggression, which will inevitably follow your desire to go somewhere without him. This already makes you seriously think about whether it is worth it to go with such a person in principle to maintain communication.

How to compromise with your partner? Compromise is always easy to find if you and your partner value your relationship, but if someone does not care, no compromise can be reached.

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