Overcoming Fear of Rejection

09.06.2023

How to conquer the fear of rejection? Each person has psychological needs that need to be satisfied: stability, care, love, and recognition of one's own importance. More often than not, the fear of asking and being rejected stems from a lack of confidence that you are worthy of getting what you want. In addition, it is associated with the need to receive the love and support of a loved one or the approval of a leader. After all, in case of refusal, she will not be satisfied. So it turns out that it’s easier not to stick out, ask friends for help, and not to apply for a new position. Each "no" will be perceived painfully if the belief grows stronger inside that your value will suffer if you refuse.

How to deal with the fear of rejection? But look at it from the other side. Any fear is a resource. It signals that you are leaving your comfort zone or entering an area where there is a lot of unknown. Both can result in the pain of defeat and can bring additional opportunities. At the same time, it is worth consciously acquiring new experiences only when you understand the truth of your intentions and readiness for what you are asking for. A simple example: an employer denies you a well-deserved promotion. If you are confident in your abilities, then calmly talk to him and find out why he thinks so and what you need to do to change the situation. This is how you show resilience and indicate your intentions. “No” is just a signal that a better option awaits you in the future.

How to overcome the fear of rejection?

• Build self-worth. In any situation, find something to praise yourself for. And it doesn't matter if it seems to you that not everything is done perfectly. People tend to focus on what failed. And this reinforces the impression that you did not cope, and then it is difficult to take on a new task or come up with a request - you implicitly expect a refusal. But as soon as you give yourself a plus sign, the understanding comes that you could achieve success. And then it becomes easier to take on more serious tasks. So, step by step, your self-worth grows.

• Realize that you already have rejection. How to not be afraid of rejection? If you do not ask, and do not send a resume, then you will certainly not achieve your goal. Every step into the unknown, every attempt to gain consent, is a chance. And it is no longer equal to zero, as in the case if you do not even try.

• Remove the significance of the rejection. Separate the rejection and your self-worth. So psychologists advise giving feedback to children - not a bad child, but only a specific act that can be discussed. You consciously accept "no" not as a criticism of yourself but simply as a refusal. And there can be many reasons for it, starting with the bad mood of the interlocutor.

• Give the opportunity to say "no." Let the person make the decision they want. To prevent this from hurting your self-worth, become someone who can say no too. Most likely, you have noticed how unpleasant it is when we are pressured and waiting for consent and how easy it is to say “yes” if the interlocutor is ready to accept any of your decisions. It is very important to learn to refuse people: it is not easy, and you will definitely encounter resistance. But if you calmly explain the reasons, you are likely to be understood. And as soon as you yourself begin to say “no,” you will be more loyal and sympathetic to other people's refusals.

• Think about other options. How to get over a fear of rejection? There is a wonderful exercise called the "fan of desires." When you think over not only option B but also C and D. And so that all options are a joy; for example, you want to invite a person you like to go to the theater together. At the same time, the fear of rejection stops you. To reduce the heat of passion, think in advance about who else you can offer to go with you if he says no. For example, a friend or someone from the family. Maybe you'll have a good time with a massage or just watch your favorite movie at home. When you approach a person with a question, you will have a lot of equally interesting options in stock. And refusal can no longer spoil your evening.

• Live the rejection before you receive it. Often people are afraid of fear itself and exaggerate the scale of the disaster. Think about what will happen if they say "no." When you have already lived through the situation in your imagination, assessed the consequences, and realized what the next step would be, it’s not so scary anymore.

• Replace fear with gratitude and love. This seems like a daunting task. But it is important to understand that a person cannot simultaneously experience several feelings at once, psychology fear of rejection speaks about this. Either fear of rejection, or love for a person, or gratitude for the opportunity to receive a positive response. And only you choose what to focus on.

• Believe - whatever happens, everything is for the best. It is not always possible to realize this at the moment, but what is happening leads you to the next events in life. And when you start trusting the world, many fears go away. Recall situations in your life when having not received the result that you wanted, you eventually realized that, in the end, you achieved more. For example, you may remember how you didn't get a job you really wanted but ended up finding a more suitable job. Or how you broke up with your ex, and although it hurt at the time of the breakup, you later realized that the relationship wasn't healthy and you deserve better. It is important to learn to trust the process of life and to believe that everything happens for a reason. 

• Imagine that you have already received consent. Just go to a meeting with the confidence that they will certainly say yes to you. Confidence often works wonders, and it helps to get rid of the extreme fear of rejection. Closed doors open, and even the darkest people try to help.

Is there a difference between fear of rejection in relationships and in careers?

Any business, job, and career does not exist in isolation from people, and hence the relationship between them. Therefore, a person can experience the decision to refuse to promote his project or the refusal of a request for a salary increase or career growth in the same way that he would experience a rejection of a significant person for some personal offer. And he can be afraid of this refusal just as much. This is especially true for those who are used to defining themselves through professional success, and then “my idea didn’t get promoted” / “I didn’t get promoted” for them equals the statement “I’m bad” / “I’m a failure.” And this is experienced painfully and bitterly.

How to get rid of the fear of rejection? It may be easier if there is no such equation if who and what I am does not depend only on my career achievements. Then career rejection ceases to be something that relates personally to me as a person and becomes only a decision regarding one of the work ideas. My idea is rejected, but not me.

Fear of rejection psychology

Self-confidence and healthy self-esteem do not guarantee protection against the fear of rejection. Moreover, it is impossible to be sure always and in everything. To be alive means to be imperfect, imperfect.

How to handle the fear of rejection? The feeling of vulnerability is human. It is an integral part of our nature. Questions such as “Am I worthy of love?”, “Will rejection affect my self-confidence and self-esteem?”, “Am I good enough?” These are the basis of the doubts that all people are subject to. And that's okay.

However, there is a difference between people with stable self-esteem and those who constantly experience the fear of rejection: the former are convinced that they are worthy of love and acceptance.

You can start with friendship on the GoDateNow website, and who knows, maybe this is where you will find a friend who will later become your partner. In the Girls online gallery section, you can look for friends with whom you can have a good time or just chat. Learn more about love and how to find it at Our Dating Blog.