Relationship Tips For Couples Moving In Together
Relationship problems after moving in together? We all once had or will have to take a deep breath, take a step into the abyss of our first joint housing - and find ourselves not in a paradise nest with the only love of our life, but in an uncomfortable space with a surprisingly little known person. Living together can be really hard, especially in the first few years. There are ways to avoid common mistakes and live happily ever after or break up while maintaining mutual respect.
Tips for moving in together
Understand why you are moving. In order to understand each other well and live peacefully, it is good to start with an awareness of what is happening to you. The reasons for moving in can be many and varied, but they can be grouped into three categories.
The first one happened by itself. How to bring up moving in together? You met and stayed with each other for the night; it is more convenient for your partner to go to work from your apartment, and more and more of his things have accumulated. You both didn't notice how it happened. It's painless and maybe even romantic - but it's an accident you haven't discussed. Subsequently, it may turn out that for partners, this accident meant completely different things: someone did not notice the changes in the relationship, and someone is preparing to spend their whole life like this. It's good if it turns out soon: one, however, will have a broken heart, and the other will forever be afraid of someone else's toothbrush in a glass in the bathroom. But the greater danger is to slip into marriage, children, and mortgages just as accidentally, and then, closer to forty, blame everyone around you for the fact that your life did not go the way you planned.
Second: forced circumstances. We often run into relationships from problems in the family financial disorder. Sometimes such a decision is a really good fresh start for a new life. But you must decide for yourself whether you would want to move in if not for the circumstances - and how soon are you ready to move out with your belongings, if the situation allows? Understanding how much your cohabitation is, your desire, and how much compulsion is very useful. After all, if the desire, on mature reflection, turns out to be too little, then you need to develop a plan on how to achieve greater independence and stop using another person to solve property problems.
Third: you discussed everything and made a joint decision. So it's time to read moving-in together advice. Make sure it wasn't a sentence that you discussed in two lines in twenty seconds. When moving in, both of you should equally understand whether this has changed the status of your relationship, whether there will be new "emotional rules," whether the issue of fidelity is being reviewed, whether this changes your plans for a joint future, does this mean that you want to get to know each other's parents and etc.
Check the values. When one dreams of a career and status and the other does not, this can become a problem. Unless there are more fundamental and meaningful values that you agree on. The most difficult relationship in our life is the relationship with ourselves, and it would be nice to know about the unshakable foundations of our worldview and tell our partner about them. How to move in together? This can be very difficult to do spontaneously, so it might be a good idea to compile a list of questions that you think will provide a complete picture of the respondent. For example, what would you like and not want to be like your parents? Do you have a life mission? Do you believe in universal good and evil? What do you get maximum pleasure from, what are you afraid of, when in life you were as happy as possible, when you were as humiliated as possible and etc.? Such questionnaires should be exchanged and, when both of them are completed, read and discuss in turn the answers to the same question.
Review your moving-in together with a checklist. Nothing is obvious anymore: everything that was “clear as day” to you about sleep patterns, the toilet seat, disposal of tea bags, cleanliness, the perfect bed, and the perfect morning is now doubtful. The other person is a new universe of "evidence" you don't know. Most of the conflicts of living together stem from a misunderstanding of the simple fact that everything that feels right is relative and that there are at least four ways to do familiar things. There is "your" way (as you are sure, the only correct one). There is a “his/her” way (the partner is also sure that it is the only possible one). There is “our” way: that new way of solving a familiar problem that you came up with together and that suits both of you in a compromise. And there is a way "to whom it is convenient": everyone does as he likes - and puts up with the fact that the other person does otherwise.
No "my house, my rules" advice for couples moving in together. You will have to build your home anew and equip it so that everyone can feel safe and comfortable. The solution to this problem is to determine the level of importance of each of the methods for each of the partners. The main question is what habits each of you can painlessly sacrifice and what is extremely important for your physical and emotional health if you decide to move in with your partner. In a joint life, the strategy of not giving in will obviously be losing: it is better to give up everything that is unimportant and be open to the new - but allow everyone to keep the most important elements of life.
Should we move in together?
Sometimes your interests are in irreconcilable conflict. The classic war of "owls" and "larks" ruined many families. In such a situation, when no one is ready to revise the regime, you need to accept each other's features - and get out of sync. Who said you have to sleep in the same bed or even in the same room? The main thing is that partners do not feel lonely and physically rejected. To do this, it is enough to compensate for separate sleep from other joint activities: a regular joint bath, watching movies in an embrace, or long walks.
steps to take before moving in together
Do not try to copy other couples: your parents or what you saw in the movies. No one knows how good it will be for two different people together, except for themselves, after many experiments, discussions, and compromises.
Update the list of gains and losses. What to know before moving in together? Living together changes us greatly, bringing achievements - and forcing us to make sacrifices. Wouldn't you like to find yourself ten years from now screaming at your doorstep that you sacrificed your entire life and received no thanks? Regularly update the list of five "gains" and five "losses" in this relationship. Try to touch on different areas in the analysis: emotional, intellectual, the issue of health, and professional fulfillment. Advanced Communication Level Invite your partner to do the same and discuss your lists. Share your concern about the need for sacrifice. Sometimes it may turn out that you are sacrificing something in vain that your partner does not need at all.
Don't be afraid of personal space. How to talk about moving in together? When we meet and see each other in fits and starts, it seems that you can always be next to each other. Sometimes, when moving together, couples maintain this tendency, imperceptibly suffocating themselves. For some time, of course, something like a honeymoon lasts, when getting out of bed and even more so leaving the house seems blasphemous to your love. But if you “squeeze,” then you can become depressed: each of us needs a little silence and loneliness in order to think alone with ourselves and restore our integrity. When you live with a loved one, you need to organize such time for yourself - and not consider this a crime against each other. It is worth agreeing that everyone should have regular time for loneliness or their friends, for books, sports or something else. Sometimes personal space is not only a physical place and time but also a sense of privacy.
Tips for couples moving in together
Schedule sex. After 2-3 years of marriage, the period of stormy sexual chemistry ends, and a natural decline in passion begins. This is not only normal but also constructive since lust tends to be selfish. At the same time, a calmer emotional background allows you to experience a deeper sense of love, affection, and sensual understanding. But behind all sorts of deeds and duties, sex can fade into the background, and this can be perceived as a defect in relationships, the fading of love, or personal guilt. As a result, you can fall into a vicious circle of mutual rejection and frustration. Do not do it this way. It's better to take sex into your own hands. When should you move in together? In youth, we often think that sexual arousal is purely spontaneous - which is indeed the norm for certain ages and circumstances. But often, the bedroom and the kitchen work according to the same laws: in both cases, appetite comes with eating, and for good sex, you need your own organization, just as for a good dinner, you need culinary arts, a free evening, and good serving. When do couples move in together? By agreeing in advance when you will devote time to each other, you can exchange wishes on the situation, technical equipment, and physiological needs that are not yet understood. Experience shows that the more a couple discusses joint sex, the more satisfied the partners feel and the more good sex they have.
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