What is a 'Nice Guy Syndrome' and How to Overcome It

18.12.2019

According to scientists, nowadays, we so often face men who have nice guy syndrome due to lack of examples of proper masculine behavior, more so, masculinity is considered to be toxic, and western teachers try to save young boys from it. By protecting boys from masculinity, we take the most important things that they all should have, which are their instincts, temper, and masculinity itself. No, we are not saying that men should be brutal and rude, but we are saying that men should be strong and self-confident. The aforementioned is crucial not also for men, but for women too because many men have a nice guy complex, and they pathologically can't satisfy women.

Try to pay attention to our small nice guy syndrome test that we will share with you later in this article. You, as a man, should understand why being a nice guy is not actually a good thing. You may not behave like a stereotypical alpha male who is very rude and takes what he wants. This article is not about it. You can still be a very kind and gentle person without having a nice guy syndrome. It is pretty useful to control your testosterone level, but you still can stop being a nice guy (in a bad way nice) without becoming more masculine if you don't want to.

Being Nice vs. Being Kind – What's the Difference?

So, what is a nice guy syndrome? How to know if you have it? At some point in life, every man doubts himself, especially if he has problems with girls. Unfortunately, too many people confuse kindness with being a nice guy. But there is a huge difference between these two, and you should understand it before judging yourself. Before talking about a nice guy syndrome psychology, we need to understand the difference between being kind and being nice. At first glance, socially, these two types of human behavior look alike, but there are some signs that can reveal nice guys.

So, what is a nice guy? A nice guy is a person who tries to behave or pretend to be kind, but in reality, he tries to achieve something with his kindness. Also, he may behave that way unintentionally, and will honestly feel surprised or even depressed when he will receive nothing in return. For example, a nice guy meets a girl now and wants somehow to attract her. To achieve his goal, he will behave very kindly with her, believing that by this kind of behavior, he will make or even oblige her to take certain steps towards romantic relations with him.

On the other hand, kind people are kind not because they believe that kind behavior is the driving force between male-female attraction, but because they feel the necessity to be kind to others. Usually, kind people are very self-confident, and they don't need to hide their real intentions behind kindness. Thus, they never expect or want something in return for their kindness. If you want to be a kind person, then, first of all, you need to pay attention to your own happiness and emotions. Because, as you may have heard the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so it is very easy to miss a moment when you will wish to have something in return for your kind behavior.

So, What Is a Nice Guy Syndrome?

This term was created by Internet users to describe men who believe that women should be attracted to them because they are “nice guys.” Usually, with this kind of behavior, guys try to attract women and have romantic or just sexual relationships with them. Here are some nice guy syndrome examples: he works with her, and always helps her with everything, even if she doesn't ask him to. And even more, he emphasizes how good and nice he is. Or another great example: in a company of friends, he is always attentive to her and ready to help her or will do almost anything for this woman.

Guys with this syndrome are not uncommon in our time, besides, their number is increasing. The reason behind these significant changes in the size of the nice guys' population lies in their upbringing and modern tendentious. As you may now, masculinity is considered to be toxic. Besides, old school gentlemen are not in fashion anymore. So, as a result, we have guys who neither know how to be masculine men or real gentlemen. Although they still want to attract women, they don't know how to do it. Because of this situation, they create this picture of a nice, gentle, and friendly guy expecting to give girls everything they need from men.

On the other hand, not all guys are like that. Some guys, by highlighting their kindness, manners, and good behavior, are trying to draw attention away from their imperfections. For example, those guys usually never have any significant achievements or something to be proud of. Often, they are very shy. Some of them have problems with their outfit caused by laziness. In this case, guys honestly don't understand why girls put them in friend zones or, even worse, reject them once and for all. So, to say, the real reason frequently lies in their looks and style.

Nice Guy Syndrome: Psychology and Origin

The lack of self-analysis is one of the biggest nice guy mistakes. Often, they can't understand that they are not actually kind and gentle people but belong to this type. Almost all of them, at a certain point in their lives, face depressions caused by the lack of women's attention. To help you avoid getting into this terrible situation, we've made a list of signs of a nice guy. If you most of it matches your personality, then you should take some steps to make sure that you are overcoming nice guy syndrome.

1. Her rejection is a moral issue for you

Feeling sad or just a little bit depressed after a refusal is totally normal for anyone. Also, it is okay to complain about this refusal to your friends, but only if these are healthy complaints, and you don't complain longer than an hour. But behaving as if you were wronged by someone is not healthy at all. Remember, your kind behavior is your choice, and you can't expect anything in return for it. To have a date with a girl, you should do more than being nice to her, show her your romantic interest.

2. You promote your kindness

Of course, it is okay to be kind and gentle unless someone keeps reminding others how king he or she is. This makes people wonder why they even need to know this fact. As we have said before, it is your choice whether to be nice or not. Remember, no one will date or sleep with you because of your kindness. By promoting your kindness, you imply that other men are rude, and generally, are not kind. You may think that this puts them down. However, in reality, you are the only one who suffers from this promotion.

3. You try to put down other guys

Trying to put down other guys is one of the biggest nice guy mistakes. They make it because they want to feel exceptional for their kindness. So, they believe that the easiest way to do this is to draw women's attention to the fact that they are the only "nice" people here. Before we proceed, you need to know that treating women with kindness doesn't make you special, it just means that you are a normal person. Nowadays, the vast majority of men treat women well, and by trying to put them down, you only show that you clearly don't understand something about this world.

4. Often you feel angry and have to lie

Often nice guys are very aggressive, and the reason for their aggression lies in their dissatisfaction with their achievements. This makes them feel very angry. Sooner or later, those negative emotions detonate and explode. Also, they often behave very cowardly and prefer to lie to hide their faults. Sometimes, they make promises, understanding that they are not going to do a thing that they have promised. Generally, it is better to avoid relying on them because they only pretend to be friendly and supportive.

Nice Guy Syndrome: Examples and Signs

If you have been searching for nice guy signs, then you have come to the right place. Maybe you want to be sure that you are not one of them. Perhaps you are a girl who suspects one of her friends to be one of this type. It doesn't matter because our list of sings will help everyone. Besides, if during this small test, you will understand that you are a nice guy, then you already know what aspects of your personality and behavior you should change. Thus, you have already made a great step toward overcoming the nice guy syndrome.

1. Nice Guys are givers

As you remember, nice guys pretend to be kind and gentle because they want to look better around other guys. Thus, they need to be givers. Besides, they try hard to make others acknowledge their kindness. If you see someone who looks nice but keeps reminding about it, then you know that this is a nice guy type.

2. Nice Guys avoid conflicts

First of all, because they are cowards, secondly as we have said before, they want to be better than others. By avoiding conflicts, they try to show girls that they are exceptional and better than other men. Remember, decent people are not afraid to start conflicts, but they never do it without a good reason.

3. Nice Guys are manipulative

Nice guys are very good at manipulating people. They can lie, deceive, or even push on weak people to make others do what they want. Be especially careful with them because even though they will never openly conflict with you, they will try to disgrace your life by using their manipulations.

4. Nice Guys seek the easy life

If they have options, they will always choose the easy way. Partly because they are cowards, partly because they are lazy. But mostly because they are not ready to face real difficulties. They are used to pretending but not being nice and kind. So, when they need to actually be kind and helpful, they won't do anything, understanding that their efforts won't be acknowledged.

5. Nice Guys are bad at receiving

Nice guys have got used to their standard pattern of behavior so much, so they can't normally receive things. Nor in life, nor even in sex. When they need to receive, they always feel uncomfortable and look disturbed, especially on special occasions such as birthdays.

6. Nice Guys seek approval from others

This sign can be a nice guy definition. As you are well aware, the main idea of their behavior is to show that they are better than others. But how can they possibly do this without approval from other people? Right, they can't. So, they seek approval more than they seek anything else.

7. Nice Guys hide their flaws

For the same purpose, they do everything to hide their flaws. Nice guys can't accept the fact that they are not perfect, and someone can be better than they are. Thus, instead of acknowledging and dealing with their flaws, they try to hide them from everyone, even from themselves.

8. Nice Guys are full of excuses

Nice guys avoid doing real work. Instead of working on something, they search for thousands of various explanations for their inaction. Believe me, they always have an excuse for every situation. They pretend that they are reliable people, but in reality, you can't rely on them at all.

9. Nice Guys are afraid of women

Women are the most important reason why nice guys play their games. They can't be honest and straightforward with them because they are afraid of women. Nice guys try to remain in their comfort zone while interacting with women, so they do everything to please women and take care of them.

10. Nice guys can get obsessed

If by his behavior, he finally manages to attract a woman, he becomes addicted to her. He invests everything he can in this relationship and expect her to do the same. When such unhealthy relationships come to an end, he can't deal with a breakup and will try to fix everything.

What Is the Main Danger of Nice Guy Syndrome?

Why overcoming a nice guy syndrome is so important? How can anyone be harmed if try to be nice with them? Well, you see, other people come and go away from your life, this is a constant process. Even if you mistreat someone of them, they will recover and leave you once and for all. Thus, the only person who can be harmed by trying to be a nice guy is you. You don't turn into a nice guy without a good reason. If this has happened to you, then it is clear that you have the wrong idea about human romantic relations.

Without understanding the fundamentals of human romantic relations, you will be making the same mistakes, and will never achieve success. You are behaving like a nice guy because you are feeling lonely and afraid to remain such. But the existence of this concept by itself implies that you should never be a nice guy. If for some reason, you can't or don't want to play a bad boy, and to be truly different from others by doing so, you should never pretend to be better than others. Your lies won't last forever, sooner or later, the truth will reveal itself. And as a result, you will find yourself alone. Is it worth your efforts?

Being a nice guy can only give you the illusion of being popular among women. Even if someone believes your lies, the chances are high that you will find yourself in a friendzone. You see, girls like nice guys, but not the way how nice guys what them to. If you don't show your romantic interest and don't confess your feelings, she will never decide to see you as a romantic partner just because you are a nice person. Remember, it is better to receive an honest rejection than to find yourself in a friendzone unable to change anything.

Overcoming a Nice Guy Syndrome

We hope that you understand that the concept of being a nice guy is a dead end. But how to overcome it? In fact, this is the simplest thing that you can do in your life. Stop pretending to be anyone! If you can’t start a relationship with a girl, then analyze yourself. Maybe you have some imperfections that can be changed, but for now, they drag you down. Don't be afraid to understand that you have some problems in your life. Remember, everyone has some imperfections, it is important how you are going to deal with them.

If you really want to deal with a nice guy syndrome, then get ready to change your life. Nice guys tend to hide their flaws, but this is not about you, at least, not anymore. You are going to stop being afraid of your imperfection, and instead, you will do something about it. For example, if you have excessive weight, then you should go to a gym. If you lack style in clothes, then you should go to a stylist, and buy yourself more new and stylish outfits.

Also, you must learn to refuse people. This is crucial for changing your social image. While being a nice guy, you've created a social image, a false one. So, now, you need to change it. If recently, some women could ask you to do something that they don't want to because they knew that you would do everything to please them, then, now, you should learn how to say no. Look, your nice guy syndrome it's not a death sentence. Humans are very flexible creatures, especially when it comes to our understanding and views on romantic relationships. You can always change your attitude toward women and the process of dating them.

If you see that being a nice guy pays off for you, then you may leave things as they are. Of course, we recommend you forget about this manipulative and deceiving approach, but it is up to you. On our part, we hope that this article helped you understand what you may be doing wrong in your life, and what you should change to have a better living.

You want to change your life and stop being a nice guy, but you are too afraid to change your life so drastically? Don't worry because you are not alone in this. A few people can, in one moment, change their lives. Instead, start changing your life slowly. Don't make harsh decisions and imprudent steps. Try to plan your future changes step by step. The most important thing is not how you will change your life but is your desire and motivation to be a different person.

If you like helping other people, and you don't want to stop doing this, then you need to immediately stop paying attention to your actions. If you are a nice and kind person, then you need to know that others will notice this without your help. Remember, truly kind and gentle people are valued everywhere. Although you should never allow others to abuse your kindness.