What to do if your lover likes you and someone else?
14.03.2023
What to do when your crush likes someone else? It is believed that fidelity is a condition of true love. Does this mean that those who have affairs on the side do not really love either spouses or lovers? If so, why is it so difficult for them to leave? We found out what psychologists say about it.
Is it possible to love two people at the same time?
In theory, yes. And why limit yourself to two? If someone can afford it, why shouldn't they? There are societies in the world where polygamy is practiced.
It turns out that one-on-one relationships are nothing more than a matter of norms, social conventions, traditions, and needs.
We are not born to be monogamous. However, we exist in the so-called urban family model, in which the concept of property is applicable to marriage. But no one says this model is ideal and best suits our nature. Love is the admiration of oneself through another person. By knowing others, we discover ourselves.
Love is, first of all, a desire and an opportunity to give something to a person whom I respect. And this ability requires maturity. In practice, for many, to love means to pretend. More demanding than giving.
This behavior is very similar to that of a child when a child requires love and care. If a person continues to pretend, he never grows up. The reason for such infantile behavior is almost always a disappointment. When we were kids, we didn't get true love. Most often - because the mother could not satisfy her own need for love and was not capable of a mature feeling.
If a guy likes another girl and me and this does not suit you, then such a relationship should end.
What is emotional betrayal?
This scenario is often repeated from generation to generation. An unhappy mother is not satisfied with her relationship with her husband. She transfers the need for love to the child and therefore cannot give him real, realized love. If both parents are completely independent of each other and live love someone else, it is unlikely that their children will behave differently.
What to do when you are in a relationship but like someone else?
Change to grow. In fact, we usually love because we lack something in affection, confidence, and recognition. We try to fill the void and look for fulfillment in the other person. Mature love is a relationship between two autonomous people who want to be realized as individuals and are not afraid that this will hurt the other.
Many relationships come to a standstill because we want the partner not to change, that is, not to develop. We are afraid that he will leave us. Or, on the contrary, we demand that it change and become the way we want and how we picture it in our imagination.
A couple grows and develops when both participants realize the need for change and can talk about it with each other. If this does not happen, we stop seeing understanding from the partner and feel like a reproach for not meeting his expectations. In this case, there is a risk of falling in love with someone else, someone who is more in line with our desires. Normal behavior is to accept and love your partner. Once my crush likes this, then I accept it.
Love of different types
What if my crush likes me but is dating someone else? In parallel novels, the same person experiences different feelings. We always love in different ways because those we love are different. We build relationships with each one in a new way.
Just because my crush likes someone else, but he still flirts with me doesn't mean he doesn't love you. In addition, there are three components in love, which each time are combined in different ways: kinship of interests, affection out of respect, and sexual attraction. If a person starts a parallel relationship, most likely, one of the official components has changed or weakened. As a lover or mistresses, we are looking for what we have become missing.
For example, there may be respect, affection, and friendship in a habitual and now asexual relationship with a wife. And then, with the mistress, the physical aspect becomes the main one; there is an explosion of unbridled passion. So the situation when your crush likes someone else does not mean that she also does not like you.
Why are parallel novels so enduring?
Controlling two novels is hard. Especially when both partners are dear to you, and you do not want to lose any of them. Therefore, situations often happen when my boyfriend likes someone else but loves me. Therefore, when a lover or mistress is persuaded to leave his wife or husband, a kind of protective mechanism often turns on.
Often a man is afraid to leave his wife because being her husband is part of his self-identification. And then he comes up with excuses like “I can’t leave my wife because she will suffer a lot, she doesn’t deserve it, she is the mother of my children,” And remains in both respects. The conflict and painful situation for all continues, partly due to the fact that the mistress allows this, respecting his marital status.
If everyone knows, then change is inevitable
For many, ideally, everything looks like official and unofficial loved ones know about each other and accept each other. Is it possible? How will the situation develop when my crush is in a relationship but likes me?
Usually, in parallel novels, the second partner knows about the first, but not vice versa. He is the keeper of the secret, and therefore his power in relationships is greater when the mystery ceases to be one and the relationships within the triangle change.
But not always; the second partner is lonely; he can also have a family or a long-term relationship. In such cases, possible jealousy of a husband or wife is balanced by thoughts of one's own spouse. Sometimes it is easier for the central couple to divorce their former partners and legitimize their relationship if everyone knows everything.
If a guy likes me and another girl and a person has two parallel romances, he has to reckon with the jealousy of one of the partners or both. This complex feeling is associated with the character's fear of losing or destroying relationships. Jealousy can manifest itself only when the official partner notices a change.
Loyalty should be a free choice
There are different situations like my crush likes my friend or when your crush likes you back meme. But fidelity is considered a prerequisite for true love. This concept is associated with social stereotypes. Our society is strongly influenced by religion; we confuse the concept of love with self-sacrifice. And we impose love forced, unnatural.
In fact, loyalty should be a free choice. Hence the conflicts if we feel that we can no longer or do not want to be faithful to someone we no longer love. Morality has changed, but not enough to eliminate contradictions.
In some cases, new love can help the official partner, who is in danger of withering without an influx of fresh energy. In such cases, loving two people at the same time is even good. This is for the benefit of all who take part in this triangle.
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