How to Get Over a Breakup?
How to get over a breakup with someone you love? No matter how long the relationship lasted, breaking up always brings pain. This is a difficult event for both partners, and it does not matter who proposes to disperse. Former lovers get angry at each other, ask for forgiveness, sob, and cannot utter a word when they meet. After a breakup, it's easy to decide that no one needs you anymore or that you missed the best thing in your life.
How to get over a breakup?
Find resources to help you get through the breakup. After parting, everyone experiences a variety of emotions: anger is replaced by pity, guilt - is by fear of loneliness, and sadness - is by hopelessness. There are a bunch of thoughts in my head: from “He/she will still regret that he/she treated me this way” to “I miss you, and I want to return everything back." The person is in a state of uncertainty. There is no usual coffee together in the morning. Disappear conversations about everything in the world at dinner. There is no one else to argue with about which movie to watch in the evening. A measured and understandable life is a thing of the past. To survive all these feelings and events, you need resources.
How to get over a painful breakup? Think about what will help you get through the breakup. Do you have a favorite job or hobby? Maybe you are supported by memories of perseverance and the desire to achieve a position or create your own business. Maybe you have a close friend who cheered you up in a completely different situation, but this support still warms you. All these achievements and memories are your successful experience, which you have realized and rightfully appropriated for yourself. Such an experience is good support for coping with emotions after a breakup. It’s not the first time it’s difficult for you, so you can survive the breakup.
Accept the situation. To live on, you must clearly understand why you broke up and where you are now. This understanding will help you accept the breakup. To accept does not mean to reconcile and devalue what was. Accepting means looking at the situation with an open mind, emotionally experiencing the experience, and moving on.
How to accept the situation:
Tell yourself that the relationship is over, no matter how much it hurts. Have pity on yourself. Parting is great grief; it feels close to grief. “I am hurt and sick. I am now one / one; nothing can be returned back. I've invested/invested so much in this relationship, and now it's over."
Assess your inner resources and ask yourself these questions: “How do I feel right now? What do I do to deal with my emotions? Do I have the strength to survive this situation on my own? Do I need help from loved ones or a psychologist?
Think about what prevents you from experiencing emotional pain. “When do I hurt the most? What is most reminiscent of the past?
Think about what you can do now to make it easier. “What cheers me up and makes me smile? What did I do/did before when it was bad?
things to do to get over a breakup
how to get over a breakup when you still love her? Map out the first steps to help you take your mind off the breakup. Only without fanaticism. You do not need to immediately organize a marathon in the gym, sign up for all the master's classes in the city, get a second degree or hang out with a friend in another city. Make a plan based on how many resources you have. If your list only includes "Walk the dog twice a day" and "Buy strawberries," that's great. When you do the things from this plan, ask yourself: “Do I have enough strength for such an action?” If not, postpone the plan. The world will not collapse if you do not go to the gym today or cancel a meeting with a friend. Recover at a pace that is comfortable for you.
How to get over a breakup when you still love him? Talking to someone who will support you is the best way to get over a breakup. Find someone who listens to you, sympathizes with you, and doesn't blame you or your ex. A loved one who knows how to say the words “I am with you,” “How bad it is for you now,” and “What can I do to support you?” If you know that relatives do not accept your loved one, then you should not share feelings with them. Most likely, your feelings will not be heard.
When you decide to speak up, say: “Please, just listen to me without advice or reproaches. That's all I need right now." With this phrase, you indicate your desires and tell the person how to talk to you. After all, advice and reproaches are often given out of the best of intentions. Relatives try to support as best they can, so the inappropriate ones say, “It’s right that they parted. It should have been two years ago."
Why is it important to speak up? When we talk about our problems, we better understand how we feel and how we want to get out of the situation. Let's say you never waited for an offer from a young man. Fragmentary thoughts are rushing through my head: “I didn’t have the patience… We had to talk… It’s a social construct. They don’t part because of such nonsense…”. This feeds the guilt you feel about the breakup. All these judgments cannot be fully formulated in the head, so the problem seems huge. There is a feeling that there is no way out of this.
Let's say that you tell your loved one about this: “I broke up because he never asked me to marry. I now blame myself for this: it seems to me that it would still be possible to solve everything. It's just that marriage is important to me. I have spoken to him about this many times. Each time he replied that he understood me, but he did not take any action. I'm scared that I showed someone that I'm ready to wait for the important forever. In the end, I just didn't want to marry him. Yes, that's why we broke up."
How to help someone get over a breakup? If your loved one broke up with his beloved, try listening to him. In the form of speech, thoughts have a clear form and sequence. While you are speaking out, you will probably understand a lot yourself and see how the gap and your feelings look from the outside.
Why is support important?
A heart-to-heart conversation is not only an opportunity to get support and feel lighter. It is important for other reasons as well.
Tunnel thinking is typical for those who wonder how long to get over a breakup. Imagine that you are standing in a tunnel. Past relationships and the reason you broke up are the light at the end. Nothing else is visible beside him: walls, vault, and rails underfoot. Family, work, and dreams are immersed in darkness. Questions from a loved one help to realize that reality is not limited to a former partner. A person from the outside can see what you don’t see now because of your experiences. A loved one may ask, “If you were dating again, would you really still want to marry him?”
To answer the question of how to get over a breakup fast, you need to understand how to work with your emotions and control your thoughts. Negative emotions can imperceptibly turn into depression, a personality crisis. When a person lives in such a state, it is difficult to realize it yourself. Therefore, an outside perspective is important.
Discuss with your ex how you will communicate further
Former lovers are connected not only by common memories. Work, friends, and children are all points of intersection that can hurt. In order not to drown in emotions, you need to build boundaries, and these are healthy ways to get over a breakup.
Why boundaries are essential, it seems that parting is to pack up and move. From the point of view of psychology, breaking up breaks the emotional connection and changes the attitude toward the person. What does it mean? Meeting the person you used to love doesn't hurt anymore. You have long ceased to sort things out, blame and get angry. You talk like old friends. There is no longer an emotional connection that binds you. At first, it is impossible to change the attitude towards the former or the former. Meetings with them worsen the situation: resentment, anger, and irritation flare up with renewed vigor.
How do you build boundaries? Depends on the situation. If you're working together, try changing your schedule, so it doesn't overlap. If there are children, let their relatives pick them up and take them away. Ask mutual friends not to tell you about your ex. If you love the same bar with a former lover, agree on what you will do so as not to intersect there.
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