9 Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable

15.05.2023

What to do when your partner is emotionally unavailable? An emotionally closed human is one who experiences great discomfort from getting close to other people and developing healthy attachments. He can be withdrawn, closed to emotional support, act inconsistently, and give mixed signals. Sometimes he suddenly becomes affectionate, but as soon as it seems to you that everything is fine and you have become close, he steps back, disappears, or does something offensive.

Signs your partner is emotionally unavailable

• Relationships are blamed on other emotionally unavailable signs. It can be a romantic connection or just a friendship. Those who don't realize the impact they had on the demise of a friendship or connection are not really open and accessible. Instead, they point fingers at others and avoid themselves. If you do the same, think about the three things you learned in your connection with this person, and the next time you try to share and be available, talk about yourself.

• Relationships begin quickly and passionately. In a romantic connection, an emotionally closed man quickly moves into the sexual phase of the connection. But not only because he wants sex. Сonnections have a natural course of development. People who are emotionally closed actually start connections very quickly. Sometimes this is even a good thing because the emotionally unavailable spouse bypasses the discomfort and natural rhythm of intimacy as a way to avoid openness. If you're doing the same, try slowing down and learning what it's like to walk at the same pace as your partner instead of your normal pace.

• You can't go there. By "go there" refers to talking about hard truths, insecurities, and boundaries "this is not normal for me." partner is emotionally unavailable, and he will try to get around it because he feels too insecure, insecure, and too impartial. He will even call it wrong or limiting because society's stereotypes do not allow men to explore these emotions, let alone show them. If you do the same, be compassionate to yourself. You're unavailable for a very good reason; it's for safety reasons. In order to grow into a more accessible person, you need to "go there" with yourself first; you need to get used to seeing uncomfortable things in your behavior, history, and experience. Then, when your body begins to cringe, wanting to run away, just breathe and stay in it for a moment longer. This makes it easier.

• Tells the truth but does not change. When your partner is emotionally unavailable, actions speak louder than words. But from time to time, people say: "I'm not strong in connections," or "I always lose friends." Such statements indicate that this person has a pattern of behavior; he is aware of it but does not try to change anything. If you do the same, look at your behavior and think, "It's always been this way, and it will never change." Then it is better to consult a psychologist. There is a really good reason why you are doing this, but there are other choices you can make as well. You deserve the connection you want so badly, yet indirectly deny it.

• Divides people into more and less important. How to tell if someone is emotionally unavailable? A waiter, a bartender, a friend of a friend who has no connections - when you treat people differently because you consider them less important, then you are definitely unavailable because you are judging, not living the moment. If you do the same, start building connections with people you don't know or who don't necessarily benefit you. This will begin to open you up to connection, intimacy, and lack of self-interest.

• Perfectionist. Perfectionist men are deeply hurt and insecure and try to avoid vulnerability and insecurity. This is a difficult starting point, especially if my partner is emotionally unavailable. After all, this means that others will never be good enough, and your partner never needs to be open. This means he can sit back and referee without ever being on the playing field. If you do the same, take a break. Perfectionism is a heavy cross. This is something that can be conquered and overcome only with the help of self-compassion. Start getting support from yourself. Over time, you will find a natural balance. But you must be prepared that everything will not work out right away, and at first, failure may await you.

• All just for me. Men who are focused only on their personal needs, desires, and feelings, even in relation to others, are unavailable. Yes, it's good to know what you want, feel, and need. However, in a connection, it is about matching your desires, feelings, and needs with other people, not about someone else or you denying each other's wants, feelings, and needs. If you do the same, you should know that you are gradually becoming self-centered in your needs, feelings, desires, and plans concerning another person. You avoid vulnerability, and you avoid true connection. It's about getting comfortable with the "you to me - I to you" process between two open people, no matter how it ends. Thus, you may conclude that some of your plans are unsuitable for building and adapting connections with other people. 

• Conflicting connections. Someone emotionally unavailable disappears and easily distances himself from the connection where he spent a lot of time. When a partner leaves without being open and without saying: "I'm overloaded, and I need time to think it all over," but instead voices only half of the true reasons, or gives some kind of spatial and slurred explanations, then he is unavailable. If you do the same, then this is a coping strategy that works when you are overwhelmed with things, feelings, and thoughts. The problem is that it undermines accessibility and connection with others. To be more accessible, instead of leaving, have a dialogue with the person about what is happening to you and what you need at the moment. Regardless of the outcome, you will share and be open.

• Always on the defensive. How to deal with an emotionally unavailable partner? An emotionally closed human tends to react in a defensive manner. Such people can often blame others for their problems. They find it difficult to trust others. Although emotionally closed humans may react to a situation, they are usually reluctant to tell you how they really feel about it. 

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