Am I Dating a Sociopath?

28.08.2018

Today’s world is full of different strange trends. Most of them are bewildering and unintelligible. Several years ago, it became fashionable to call oneself a sociopath, and as you have already guessed, it was largely due to the popular TV series, like Sherlock, Dexter and Dr. House. Each of them became a sort of a trigger. Young people consider these characters to be role models, but, in fact, they don’t even understand who a sociopath really is. So, before you answer the main question, “Am I dating a sociopath?” and unfairly label your partner this mental illness, let’s get to the bottom of this issue right now.

sociopath dating

What is a sociopath?

The term "sociopathy" is controversial and is still a subject of numerous polemical discussions because experts haven’t come to a consensus. Usually, the term "sociopathy" is used to define the subtype of an antisocial personality disorder in order to separate it from psychopathy. Sociopaths are also called secondary psychopaths to separate them from primary psychopaths.

According to the medical classification, sociopathy is a dissocial (antisocial) personality disorder, expressed by a clear disregard for social norms and standards, excessive impulsiveness, which turns into frank aggression and inability to form universal attachments.

A sociopath is a person who has an antisocial personality disorder. The pathology of sociopathy is sufficiently widespread. Up to 3% of women and 5% of men can be classified as sociopaths. More than 80% of them cross a criminal line sooner or later.

Often, a sociopath is confused with a narcissus, a charming narcissistic idiot who flaunts endlessly in front of a mirror and uploads a huge number of selfies. However, a sociopath isn’t an idiot, such a person may have their own plans for you. In 2005, American psychologist Martha Stout wrote a book that became a classic, "The Sociopath Next Door." She clearly explains how high your chances of suffering from the actions of sociopaths are.

Difference between psychopath and sociopath.

On the one hand, both terms refer to the anti-social disorder of personality. On the other hand, sociopathy and psychopathy are two different diseases, although they are often confused.

Sociopaths are more nervous, they are easily excitable, prone to anger and emotional outbursts. As a rule, they have a lower social status. They cannot stay in one business for a long time. It is difficult for them to create close relationships with other people, but they are capable of it.

Psychopaths are characterized by a lack of empathy and do not know how to form emotional relationships. They have a superficial charm that helps them deceive and manipulate others. As a rule, they are intelligent, educated and have stable work.

The root causes of sociopathy and psychopathy are different. It is believed that psychopathy is a consequence of genetic and biological factors, while sociopathy is formed as a result of external causes. For example, childhood trauma, as well as emotional and physical violence, have the greatest impact on the development of the disorder. Therefore, it is considered acquired, not congenital.

how to get over dating a sociopathMain signs you're dating a sociopath

If you notice some of the signs you are dating a sociopath, it's worth discussing with someone. You shouldn’t try to cope with an aggressive sociopath alone. Seek help from relatives or friends. Do not try to help the sociopath on your own or change them in some way. You shouldn’t blame a sociopath because you can provoke a fit of spleen and anger in this way. There is no point in telling such people about your feelings, the sociopath will not react to it.

1. They are intelligent and logical. Sociopaths manage to maintain self-control in situations when an ordinary person shows emotionality. Due to that, it is easier for a sociopath to assess the situation cold-bloodedly and to find a rational solution that ultimately benefits. In addition, social detachment allows them to concentrate on the object of study. Perhaps, this is one of the reasons why sociopaths successfully manifest themselves in the scientific sphere.

2. They are less worried or afraid. This idea should not be taken too literally. Sociopaths can feel fear in the same degree as other people, but the ability not to express emotions allows them to look sober-minded even in critical situations. Crying, panic or tears is a rare phenomenon for sociopaths, and therefore, it may seem that they do not experience fear or excitement. So, if you are dating a female sociopath, then she will be the most self-collected woman in the midst of chaos.

3. Originality is their credo. A romantic candlelit dinner or admiring the amber sunset on the beach seems to sociopaths a very boring pastime. They enjoy activities associated with danger and risk. In pursuit of adrenaline, they are eager for active rest, which will give reason to cheer up the body and mind. Instead of a banal picnic, the sociopath will prefer a jump with a parachute. However, their originality is based not only on the love of extreme. They are interested in everything that somehow occupies the mind and may cause vivid sensations. Have you already understood whether you are involved in sociopath dating?

4. They do not care about the feelings of others. A sociopath is not too concerned about the experiences and feelings of others. For the sake of achieving their goals, they can easily get over the interests of others. And if a romantic partner or a family member of the sociopath has a chance to avoid such an attitude, then the interests of their acquaintances, colleagues, and friends will be expendable to meet their own intentions and ambitions.

5. They know how to pretend. Often, it is difficult to understand that you are dating a sociopath woman because they try to merge with the environment as much as possible. They have to try on the images of a caring partner, a witty neighbor or an interesting colleague in order to comply with the norms acceptable to society. Their rational mind dictates that they can achieve what they want only in this way. Many of the vital benefits that sociopaths seek are accessible only when interacting with people. Therefore, they have to adapt to build trust in themselves. At the same time, if a sociopath shows their true nature, this is a confidential gesture, which is possible only in cases of sincere attachment to a person.

6. They do not admit their own mistakes. Sociopaths don’t see the mistakes in dealing with people because they do not share a public opinion about the norms of relationships. Their egocentric perception of the world teaches them to achieve the goal without looking at outsiders. This does not mean that they want to hurt other people without reason. However, this suggests that they are capable of giving bad advice, manipulating or misinforming for the sake of getting what they want. There are no internal contradictions due to such action in their moral paradigms. Are you dating a sociopath or just a diehard girl?

7. They never apologize. It’s not surprising, taking into account the fact that they don’t feel guilty. Even when they are caught red-handed, they do not admit that they were wrong. On the contrary, they move to an attack.

If you try to directly and reasonably accuse them of something, giving evidence and examples, they will attack you with accusations in response, and state that you deliberately want to tarnish them. How to tell if you are dating a sociopath? If your girlfriend has never apologized or shown a sincere contrition, then the chances that you are involved in dating a female sociopath increase.

8. They seek to isolate their partners. Sociopaths quickly become close with new acquaintances, so that a “victim” does not have time to understand who is in front of them. They start a romantic relationship extremely easy. A sociopath can convince you that you are soul mates because such a person figures out well what you need at the moment. Besides, a sociopath is not going to share their partner with anyone.

How to know if you are dating a sociopath? If you have a romantic relationship, the sociopath will try to isolate you from communicating with friends because "no one likes you more than I do," "they turn you against me because they envy me." A sociopath may pretend to be a victim, you believe that only you can understand a person, feel guilty for communicating with friends and eventually spend all the time next to the manipulator.

9. They lie all the time. It is more difficult for them to tell the truth than to lie. If you catch them in a lie, they will come up with another hundred stories to justify their mistake. They can depict repentance to just deserve your sympathy only on the verge of a major revelation. Some of them are willing to play long performances to make the lie looks like the truth. This is just one of many signs you are dating a sociopath.

are you dating a sociopath​What are sociopaths like in bed?

Sociopaths are very selfish and manipulative in bed. The world is their oyster and there is not a single exception in the case of having sex with another person. The only scenario in which a sociopath would deliberately try to give their love partner any pleasure is to give them a feeling that they are loved and wanted. They will then use that feeling to manipulate their partner. This may be just a way of showing some attention to a partner to make them feel loved, they will do so from time to time, but only when they feel that the moment is right.

They use sex for manipulation

Sex is a powerful tool of manipulation, both men and women used it as a way of getting what they want in life for thousands of years and it is no different in the case of sociopaths. Their love partner will feel like they are wanted, they will feel as if their sociopathic partner actually cares about them. It will give them hope that their partner may have changed, they may have finally become better, but it’s all for nothing, they are not going to change, they will abuse their partner and manipulate them to get what they want.

They don't respect your desires and boundaries

When they are not manipulating their love interest and get everything that they want out of them, things like money, attention, sexual pleasures, etc., they will use their power to fulfill their own personal sexual desires. Could you even imagine a sociopath giving a damn about your well-being and the things you feel during moments of intimacy? I doubt it, manipulation is the only way they can ever act tolerably and do anything good for their significant others. Therefore, don’t expect that much from a sociopath in bed, if you want to change them – make it clear that either both of you will get pleasure out of sex, or no one will.

They are unfaithful

Imagine dating a sociopath, being manipulated by that person into thinking that they care for you and want your relationships to continue, only to then realize that they’ve been cheating with someone else behind your back for some considerable amount of time. There are different types of evidence, you may have caught them in an act, but if not, they will constantly gaslight you into thinking that you are wrong, you are just being jealous and your reality is flawed. This is when the real torture begins, you were manipulated out of your money and love, and now you are slowly losing your sanity.

Can a sociopath love back

Can a sociopath love? The short answer is… kind of. Let me explain. There is no short answer, the very concept of love is quite different to them, they don’t comprehend love in the same way as we do, their world of priorities is very different from ours. They have no empathy, they do not care for the feelings of other people, the only scenario in which they would start a relationship is to get some profit out of it, whether it is just to have sex with a person, steal their money, or to use and abuse them for some other goals they can come up with.

can sociopaths loveCan sociopaths love? Well, the answer is, probably, no. However, considering the sheer number of people living on this Earth and all the differences we share – the fine line between a sociopath and a normal person cannot always be truly defined. A person may have some tendencies of a sociopath, but that doesn’t mean that they are one, or at least a true and dangerous sociopath. Having a sociopath in relationships, you have to remember that love is essentially about a mutual exchange of positive emotions and both partners should profit from it in the end. The word “profit” doesn’t mean the same thing as it does to a sociopath, they don’t care about what you get out a relationship, they care about themselves. You have to stand up for yourself and now that there are no individuals involved in love, not just one.

Breaking up with a sociopath

How to get over dating a sociopath? If you find much evidence that you are engaged in dating a narcissistic sociopath, and your partner is a manipulator who just poisons your life, try to finish the relationship as soon as possible. The longer you delay, the more difficult it is to get out of the relationship with such a person. Although your feelings can be strong, a relationship with a sociopath often poisons life. Just take a closer look.

To break up with a sociopath independently can become a real challenge, especially if you have already fallen under their influence. Obtain the support of friends and relatives. Prepare yourself for the fact that the sociopath does not accept refusals, and you should be ready for reckless acts to get your attention.

Think of yourself. Sociopaths prefer to choose non-independent people who tend to obey instructions. The best way to protect yourself from a sociopath is confidence and independence, your position and ability to think. The more independent you are, the more difficult it is to control you. Sociopaths do not like such people.

Do everything gradually. Don’t break up with such a person in a demonstrative form because you can worsen the situation. You should bring to naught your relationship gradually, having prepared an escape route. Remember that you have nothing to blame yourself, get rid of this bad habit. Don’t try to communicate with a sociopath as with a normal person, it will not work out. A sociopath will try to turn your attachments into addictions like drugs and control you.

Do not be afraid. After all the information you can find about sociopaths, it's hard not to get paranoid and start suspecting everyone around. If your girlfriend has a nasty temper, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she is one of the sociopaths. Usually, women who behave like a vixen try to protect their feelings in such a way, or their desires are not in line with your own ones.

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