Not ready to settle down in a relationship

10.01.2019

Any relationship should go to a new level sooner or later: people who love each other strive to become a family and give birth to children, and if they come up with dumb excuses, it means that they are not quite ready for some logical continuation of their relationship. It may be that they need some time, yet others will never be ready for such a step - it all depends on the priorities, desires and goals of a person. Often, girls do not want to settle down with their chosen ones because of a lack of finances for a gorgeous wedding, they expect a beautifully made proposal. Men, on the other hand, are afraid of such a serious step because they have not yet purchased an apartment and a car and have not made a career. Moreover, this situation can last for years, and these things really indicate that people are not ready to create a family with existing partners or in principle.

What Does It Mean to Settle Down?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I want to settle down”? But do you know that to settle down is to make a serious decision for a man and a woman? Usually people do not expect anything bad from family life, until it turns out that newlyweds are not satisfied with each other. For example, a husband spends a lot of time with his friends, but at the same time controls his woman’s communication with her friends. Or the woman spends too much money on going to the hairdresser’s, new clothes, and spa massage sessions. So, the keyword is commitment. So, when to settle down? When you will be ready to change a lot of things in your life.

“When we settle down, we think more about the pleasant moments and least of all - the difficulties that we may encounter”, the psychologist says, - “For example, engaged young people are often primarily attracted to regular sex, as well as the opportunity to often spend time together. But over time, it turns out that it is also necessary to solve everyday problems. If a child is born, it entails worries and trouble. Family is not only fun, it is about responsibilities! Therefore, it is worthwhile to look at each other before you get engaged and ask yourself a question: Are we ready for that?

Lots of relationships break up due to the fact that one or both spouses are simply not ready to live together and are afraid of the responsibility associated with it. Ask yourself, when are you ready to settle down? If you don’t know, consider the following:

Lifestyle

Is it normal for you to hang out with your friends in the evenings playing videogames, visiting night clubs and such? Is this a thing that you are not ready to give up? Well, if so, then most likely, you are not yet ready for family life. If after work you don’t want to rush home, and instead you want go to a bowling alley and have a beer with friends, etc., then you must draw the appropriate conclusions.

Family responsibilities

If you live in your own home, without your parents, and you do not have a housekeeper, then you will have to distribute the household chores. The idea of washing the dishes or making dinner makes your angry, and you prefer to fill the sink with dirty dishes for a week and eat sandwiches alone? Then you should think about whether you should settle down at all! However, if your partner does exactly the same, then you have found each other.

Finance

Let’s say that you live by yourself and you have a good salary, you think to yourself, “I’m ready to settle down”, and then, all of a sudden, your salary is cut in half? Sounds scary, doesn’t it? Well, this is what scares many men from settling down.

Laura: “I hoped that, having moved to me, Joe would spend some money on us, because I have a small salary. But for six months of living together, he did not buy anything except food. When I asked him for a couple of bucks, he said that his pockets were empty. And he bought himself a car and an expensive phone during this time, and did all of that without consulting me! We broke up immediately after that.”

If it is more convenient for you to have a “separate budget”, then maybe it’s too early to think about settling down?

How to settle down? In a relationship, you must take into account not only your own interests, but also the needs of your partner. If one of you is not aware of this, then you are unlikely to have a normal family life. Perhaps you should wait, or look for a new partner altogether.

What Age Do Men Want to Settle Down?

The problem of men not ready to settle down and start a family is mainly due to their infantilism. Infantilism means immaturity in development, preservation of behavior or the traits inherent in the previous age stages. In essence, infantilism is immaturity, childishness in the behavior of a man. These are all signs he's not ready to settle down. And there are many men like that. Outwardly, such an “Infant” may look quite courageous and self-confident. But in terms of his “inner content” he has not yet become a man but remained an immature person. People call them "boys". Relationships with such boys are a source of fatherlessness, since he will always be afraid of being under the same roof with his woman and children, and that is because he is not able to take responsibility for the family — to be a full-fledged husband and father to his children, since he doesn’t know what this whole life is about and how to deal with it. He does not know what it means to be a man.

Perhaps, because his father did a poor job in showing him what it means to be a man. More often, such “boys” “breed fatherlessness” in the most direct way - they conceive children out of wedlock and then refuse to engage with the mother of their child, and if they do, they subsequently leave the family, unable to withstand the responsibility and the need to work on their character, save the family. Such a boy is easy to identify by this feature: he always chooses the easy way out. But enough about that, such men can be of any age, and you won’t be able to do anything with them. But what about normal men? When are men ready to settle down? The question if he is ready to settle down greatly depends on the age of a man.

18-25 years old. At this age, they are not quite ready for this step, but they have a desire to start a relationship. They are attracted by romance and easy sex. Such alliances don’t last for long, 5-7 years at best.

26-35 years old. As a rule, at this age, young people are ready to settle down.

36-40 years old. To be honest, men of this age are best for settling down. They feel ready to settle down but are single. As the appetite for all things new has faded and they have been able to work on their careers, the desire to start a good family becomes a top priority.

40-48 years old. Such men quite often are looking for a woman that is twice younger than them, to feel powerful. However, it is hard for them to get used to their companion, since she is still young and adventurous.

49-55 years old. They choose obedient and kind women that keep the house clean and are not bad in bed. They want experienced women, not much younger than them. While perhaps too old, this is the true age when a man is ready to settle down.

Am I ready to Settle Down: A Quiz

1) Love: For you, a man and a woman are ...

a) Tree and wind.

b) Oil and water

c) Heaven and earth.

d) Alcohol and fire.

2) Dreams: You immerse yourself in them when you see ...

a) A luxury car.

b) A kissing couple.

c) A prisoner who broke free.

d) Rosy-cheeked sleeping babies.

3) Two: Which of these legendary couples is closer to you in spirit?

a) Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir: The Cold Commonwealth of Geniuses.

b) Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara: The Battle of Passion.

c) Romeo and Juliet: an all-consuming feeling.

d) John and Jackie Kennedy: the legendary family.

4) Film: What would you want for a movie about your relationship to be called?

a) "Incredible Adventures."

b) "The Fury of Life."

c) "Lovers".

d) "Dangerous ties".

5) Win: What means will you choose to put pressure on your partner?

a) Tenderness.

b) Authority.

c) Persuasion.

d) Money.

Here’s a list of answers, that indicate, that it’s time to settle down:

1) a,c

2) b,d

3) a,d

4) b,c

5) a,c

Ready to Settle Down Quotes

We have compiled a list of quotes for you to check out:

• To settle down is the biggest gift a man could ever give to a woman.

• Love and death always find us unprepared.

• Men do not settle down because they want to do it, but because women do.

• There are two types of men: first are successful and others are thinking of settling down.

• To settle down, you need two - a lonely girl and an anxious mother.

• Settling down is an effective means of regulating sensuality. But it cannot be an equally effective means of regulating love.

• Settling down is not a happy ending, but the beginning of a drama.

• When settling down, you enter a relationship not with one person, but, in fact, with several, they are called “commitments”.

• I think no one will deny that no man has yet seen the man with whom he would be glad to settle down if he were a woman.

• When settling down, the girl trades the attention of many men to the inattention of one.

• Many women settle down because they are tired of spending the evenings alone. And they get divorced for the same reason.

• Women often manage to love the man with whom they settled down, rather than settle down with the man they love.

• In every woman's life there are two main men: her husband, and the one who was left behind.

• All people are born free and equal in rights, but some want to settle down.

• A man must first build a house, plant a vineyard, and only then settle down.

• I am so happy that I can’t remember the senselessly lost thirty years of my life without pain. If I had to go through life once again, I would settle down right away, so that I would be free in my thirties and I would live the life I always wanted.

• To a man who asked “should I settle down or not”, Socrates replied: “Do what you want. – You will be unsatisfied anyway"

• To settle down or not, it’s so sad that there is no third option.

• The wise should not settle down. No one can equally serve the books and the woman.

• If Diogenes had settled down in time, he would not have reached the barrel.

• If settling down for love is dangerous, it is not only because love passes, but also because it does not pass.

• Having settled down, a man gets the legal right to deceive only one woman.

• They settle down not to have a single woman, but to sleep with one woman much more often than with some other.

• Every mother hopes that her daughter will be happier in a relationship than she herself; but dare not hope that her son has a relationship better than his father.

• You can either say a good thing about a woman, or you can settle down with her.

• If a man settles down only because it’s time, then it is too late.

• An honorable man settles down early, but a smart one doesn’t do it at all.

• A man settles down with Bertha only because he thinks about Greta and cannot possibly get to Martha.

• You can be a fool and not know about it, but only if you are not engaged.