How to fix a serious quarrel with a girlfriend
How to stop arguing with your girlfriend? In fact, a family quarrel is an expressive and urgent way to resolve disagreements that inevitably arise even in the most harmonious couples. But you can solve problems in more environmentally friendly ways with the help of constructive dialogue, working out internal grievances, and the ability to analyze the situation from the position of a partner.
How to stop arguing with your girlfriend? It is traditionally believed that men and women are creatures from different planets which, in principle, cannot agree. But it's not. All people, regardless of gender, age, and other points, can be in completely harmonious relationships if they work on them, and advice on conflicts is no exception. Conflict shows personal boundaries and is, therefore, important. Why do me and my girlfriend argue? In a quarrel, we try to explain what is important to us and what we are ready to put up with, but on emotions, we do not always do it correctly. Therefore, the correct construction of dialogue during a quarrel is the same work; only it allows you to focus your eyes not only on what hurts us personally but also on moments that may be important for a partner. In general, the main factor in harmonious relationships is the reluctance to hurt another person. And not because it is indecent or scary but because the pain inflicted on a loved one will be worse than one's own. How to deal with an argument in a relationship? It is important to remember that if there is love in a couple, a quarrel hurts both participants. And it will depend only on their joint desire to agree on how relations will develop in the future.
Rule 1. Learn to articulate grudges and don't hoard them
how to fix an argument with your girlfriend? It would seem that you didn’t like it that the husband threw his socks on the floor or that the wife left her hair in the bathroom after bathing. Well, tell me about it directly, and everything will be fine. But no, both men and women act differently: many accumulate resentment and then explode. This is what most often leads to boyfriend and girlfriend arguing. Do not do it this way. Even if it seems to you that your partner is deliberately mocking you, he cannot read your thoughts. And until you say out loud that you don’t like something, it’s pointless to be angry. The human brain is designed in such a way that it needs time to adapt, and if something always happened and you did not comment on it, despite your inner protest, your partner will consider the claim unfounded, even if you are very offended.
Always say whatever you don't like right away in a calm manner. Directly and appropriately. If a person loves you, he will consider your needs. Do not be silent, do not accumulate resentment, and do not expect that someone will guess that you are unpleasant. Doesn't guess.
Rule 2. Prepare for the conversation
how to start an argument with your girlfriend? No matter how funny it may sound, before swearing, write down your resentment and look at it from the side. Most often, this helps to find out that we are offended not by the fact that happened but by what is behind it. For example, you spent half a day in the salon, and your husband did not notice that you did at least something with yourself. It may seem that absent-mindedness offended you, but inattention actually hurts. In such a situation, indifference is felt; they say, “I’ll die, but you won’t notice,” and it is this that worries, and not hair color or manicure. Or you ask to nail a shelf, and your husband promises for six months and does not do it. At this moment, the point is again not in the regiment but in the fact that a loved one ignores your request.
By the way, if you write grievances and analyze them, emotions recede into the background, and you can argue your requests and find words to describe what exactly upsets you. It's easier to have a dialogue with men. But it is also suitable for talking with a girl. Write all your arguments and claims if the girlfriend won't talk to me after the argument.
Rule 3. One conversation, one problem
Of course, the best war is the one that didn’t exist, but if it comes to a quarrel, then it’s worth making a rule not to lump everything together. Why do my girlfriend and I argue so much? There is no need to remember each other's sins. One conversation, one problem. Did Someone not take out the trash? Discuss only this. Spent all your money on clothes? We are talking about why it was not right. Do not blow each other's brains, and do not wind your nerves. The conflict is needed so that the issue is resolved in the interests of the two sides and not just to shout at each other.
Rule 4. Know how to listen and let the other speak
Very many people, during quarrels, begin to interrupt their interlocutor and, apart from the fact that they were offended, do not notice anything. So if you even try to hear what the other person is trying to tell you, you will discover a brave new world. If you also think about what you were told and then try to assume that someone other than you might be right, there will be no limit to miracles at all. The conflict comes to a standstill when people ostensibly follow the principle (in fact, they become stubborn) and do not want to listen to the opponent. Be flexible, and then it will become easier.
Rule 5. Choose expressions
Never and under no circumstances did mutual insults and obscene language make a showdown in the family more productive. You can not get personal, throw words and insult each other. This is what hurts the most and remains in memory for a long time. That kind of thing is not allowed in a relationship. Even if you are thinking about how to make your girlfriend shut up during an argument, you should not use insults.
Rule 6. Speak without emotion and, in fact
For example, your partner is throwing things around. The correct message, so that the matter does not turn into a quarrel, sounds something like this: “It upsets me that you leave things everywhere. This is disrespectful to my work, I mop the floor and wash clothes, and you neglect this. Please don't do that." Rudeness like "ungrateful pig" will be ineffective. The more emotionally and abstractly you speak, the less you are understood. So about what offends you and all personal requests related to this moment, formulate as briefly as possible and without emotions. That way, you will be better understood. And, most likely, they will go to the meeting.
Rule 7. No need to compare
why does my girlfriend always want to argue? There can be many reasons, and you should discuss them with your girlfriend, but it is important not to compare her with your ex. There is no point in comparing anyone with anyone. It's inefficient and annoying. Instead of comparisons, it's better to be clear about what you don't like and what exactly you can do to change it. For example, your friend's husband gave her gorgeous flowers. You see this, you are offended, and you begin to loudly compare your spouse with a stranger so that yours does the same. This is not an efficient approach. Your husband will not run for a bouquet because you compared him with your girlfriend's spouse, not in his favor. He will be offended, then you will quarrel, and the conflict will not be closed.
It is better to honestly tell him: “Darling, I am very pleased when you give me flowers. I understand that you think this is an irrational waste, but they delight me. Give me more flowers, please." In this case, you will be heard. After all, it would also be unpleasant for you if you were told that a neighbor has a better figure and his mother cooks food tastier.
What to do after an argument with girlfriend? After a quarrel, both of you should calm down and be alone to analyze everything that has been said.
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