Abstinence in a Relationship: Pros and Cons
19.07.2018
Sex is an integral part of our lives. With its help, a person gets emotional and physical relaxation and improves the state of health. But all people are different and all have different sexual aspirations – someone wants to make love as often as possible, and someone thinks that once a year is enough. In addition, not everyone has the opportunity to make love – someone can’t find their soulmates, some don’t know how to communicate with the opposite sex and don’t understand whether they need sex at all or just don’t aspire to make love for some kind of ideology. In any case, they all observe abstinence. So, how to practice abstinence in a relationship and do you need it at all?
Definition of abstinence
Many are silent about this. They blush when talking about it and can’t open even to their closest people, going into themselves, becoming irritable, and hating everything around. For this reason, many couples break up. What can spoil life so much? It is not hard to guess that this is sexual abstinence. What’s abstinence? Abstinence is the process of transformation of sexuality. In its development, there is usually a certain dynamics: at first, after the termination of sexual contacts, a person can experience peace and relief, then there is an increase in sexual desire and there is discomfort from the inability to satisfy it.
There are two types of abstinence:
- Lack of sex after a perfect sexual intercourse. In ordinary cases, this period is regarded as a respite after the performed emotional action. People are experiencing a physical and emotional decline, lethargy and depression.
- Voluntary or forced abstinence. It can be dictated by several reasons: the inability to perform sexual intercourse with a partner because of the absence of a loved one and conscious unwillingness to have sex may come to the fore. Such abstinence is of two kinds – total, which doesn’t provide for any sexual experiences, and partial, interrupted by masturbation.
Then, according to Freud, all these “torments” and “sufferings” are sublimated to other spheres of life. Thus, the libido does its non-sexual work over a person, retaining its “basic” level so that it can be developed in its entirety under favorable circumstances. The time frame of the stages of sexuality transformation during abstinence can vary significantly. It is interesting that understanding certain patterns associated with the rhythms of sexual activity, a person can consciously influence the state of the organism and achieve certain goals. One of the facts about abstinence is that couples that don’t have sex within three months will have a baby girl.
So, let’s find out what is the harm or benefit of sexual abstinence?
The first thing we can say for sure is that we are all different people and if someone tolerates abstinence in a relationship easily and doesn’t think about it, then it is impossible to unequivocally decide whether there is some harm for them. But those, who can’t live without sex, suffer from lack of sexual relations. Someone believes that abstinence in a relationship is a period of a month to several years; someone thinks that if at least one night is spent without sex, then that is all! Life is over!
To bring some clarity in the current topic, it is necessary to bear in mind that the effect of abstinence (by the way, like the “frequent” rhythm of sexual activity) should be considered in connection with the level of sexual desire, personality traits, and the state of sexual health. Usually, if the level of sexual desire is “low”, then abstinence is overcome easier, and vice versa. If a person is prone to neurotic reactions, then abstinence and a “frequent” rhythm cause a neurotic state – irritability increases, mood decreases, there is a quick temper and aggressiveness appears.
Difference between celibacy and abstinence
Celibacy is not identical with abstinence. In the exact sense of the word – this is a state where a person does without sex all his or her life. It is not necessary to be a priest for this – anyone can take the vow of celibacy, guided by one’s own opinion about the “correctness” of life. Celibacy for men is a rejection of all carnal pleasures, a guarantee of preserving the energy of the organism and (if religion is involved) the opportunity to be closer to the Lord without placing a family on the way to it.
There is the difference between abstinence and celibacy because the choice to be a bachelor is an intentional act that can be committed for personal growth, not for outside rules or because of the lack of opportunity to start a serious relationship. The concept of “celibacy” also differs from the concept of “asexuality”, which means a lack of interest in sexual intercourse. Celibacy is the same choice of a person as running in the morning: a person can run or can’t run. Theoretically, during abstinence, a person can have sex – if his or her partner wants it, under the pressure of society, with the goal of having children. But a person doesn’t need it. Erection is possible, the instinct of procreation is there, the ability to perform sexual intercourse is not lost – people just don’t want to have it.
Some scholars have tried to present abstinence as a psychic or physiological problem. But it wasn’t possible: patients didn’t complain at all, they were not hampered by the lack of libido at all. Moreover, beyond the hormonal upsurge, these people can live much more efficiently.
Women can also devote themselves to abstinence and lead a clean life by sacrificing themselves to God or a loved one. Nowadays some European women and many Indian women voluntarily refuse to look for husbands. They serve to God and people: they lecture, teach in schools, participate in religious conferences, and actively learn themselves, meditating and leading spiritual diaries. It is important not to substitute for concepts because a woman who observes celibacy doesn’t simply renounce domestic slavery and submission to a man. She finds harmony in her condition.
Disadvantages of abstinence
The most dangerous side effects of abstinence are the physical and psychological consequences. The long absence of sex in active men suggests the onset of many negative manifestations. And here they are:
1. Mental health suffers
Not having sex, a period of discomfort is coming. And the longer this continues, the more there will be a threat of transition to obsessive thoughts and a depressed state. A man, constantly thinking about a long pause, slides into a neurotic state, he is frightened by possible impotence and there is insomnia. All this entails deterioration in the physical condition.
2. Stagnation in the prostate
Men that are abstaining for a long time, get stagnation in a prostate, which as a result can lead to prostatitis, adenoma or prostate cancer. Stagnant prostatitis is always accompanied by varicose veins and the appearance of hemorrhoids. So, you should know how to deal with abstinence in a relationship.
3. Hormonal changes
Against the background of a long absence of sex, the hormonal background undergoes a change, which directly affects the quality of sperms and this threatens infertility. In the absence of an erection, a penis ceases to be saturated with oxygen, which affects the state of the whole organism because of a decrease in tone.
4. Both cardiovascular and endocrine systems suffer
In addition, the lack of sex in a more mature age is much more harmful. Due to the natural extinction of testosterone production, the sexual function decreases and if a man has a long abstinence, then this process is accelerated. And it is absolutely contraindicated in large interruptions in the intimate life of men suffering from prostatitis or prostate adenoma. With these diseases, ejaculation is a kind of medicine. The outflow of secretion reduces the inflammatory process.
5. Complexes
In addition, the negative impact of abstinence is seen in people who have absolutely no sexual experience. In this case, the self-esteem of such individuals falls proportionally to the period of abstinence, which is proved by specialists. In addition, it is known that after sexual abstinence the chance of premature ejaculation increases.
Benefits of abstinence
Of course, there are some benefits of abstinence. For example, it facilitates better communication between the engaged ones; promotes the strengthening of friendly relations, and it is fundamentally important when the feelings go to a less hot stage. However, benefits of abstinence in a relationship have more of an emotional nature than a physical one.
1. Better sex
They say that the best sex is after a fight. While you decide who is to blame, who will apologize first, the excitement and desire grow several times. Use this to your relationship’s advantage. Also, physicians agree that a one-week pause in sex will be very effective before the conception of a child. It is also believed that at the time of sexual intercourse, a man spends a lot of useful substances, and excessive exercise will deplete a body. In addition, too frequent sex can increase blood pressure and deplete the nervous system.
2. Creativity in a relationship
One of the advantages of abstinence is that sex with a strong emotional component can become the main way of expressing feelings. Abstinence teaches people to express their love in other ways. Abstinence encourages them to be creative in a relationship. So, a relationship strengthens and gives much more opportunities for a deeper knowledge of each other’s character, habits, abilities, and this is very important for a future life together.
3. Sublimation
Sublimation is called by scientists the benefit of sexual abstinence. A person uses unused energy for creativity. It is noted that sublimation leads to the same effect, which is recorded in strong emotional impulses, pushing people to write music or poetry.
4. Opportunity to feel something new
Many religions preach abstinence as a real opportunity to cultivate, purify the mind and learn to control oneself. However, in almost all religions, sex takes place in a serious relationship. So, there is no talk of complete abstinence.
5. Self-improvement
Finally, people who have abstinence in a relationship, feel better as individuals. Sexually active adolescents often lose self-esteem and live with a sense of guilt. But, if they voluntarily decide to refuse physical intimacy, they feel like new people and grow up as individuals. They improve their intellectual, creative, and social potential, they use their strength and energy to create and develop their own talents. Anyway, practicing abstinence in a relationship, it should be remembered that a healthy sex life is a key to a successful emotional background.
