How To Resolve Conflicts In A Relationship

How to avoid conflict in a relationship? Why do people conflict? This question interests many people. According to psychologists, there are several reasons. Some of the most famous is the struggle for power and the protest against the fact that a person was not given due attention and love. How to check? It is worth at least remembering the banal scandals after the phrases “Which movie are we going to see?” (whose will take, in other words) or “Why are you late by a whole 15 minutes?” (in other words, “Where is your love if you make me feel cold?”).

Dealing with conflicts in relationships

There are 4 self-defense tactics if a conflict arises between couples.

• Battle. When the conversation becomes hard and cold, some instinctively rush into battle or begin to defend themselves. They are accepted to reproach, condemn, and criticize; in a word, they try in every possible way to prove that their partner is wrong. Behind all this is an internal desire to intimidate a partner in order to achieve love and support from him. And when he retreats, they consider themselves winners, although, in fact, they lost.

• Retreat. How to resolve conflicts in a relationship? To avoid a collision, a person can go into his "cave" and stay there forever. It's kind of like a cold war. He avoids talking, and the problem remains unresolved. Such people prefer to stay away from "hot" topics, avoiding any conversation that may lead to an argument. Instead of getting into arguments, some couples stop talking altogether about topics they disagree about. Their way to get what they want is to punish their partner for not giving their love. They do not come out of the cave to attack him openly: instead, they stung him indirectly, slowly, step by step, depriving him of the love he deserves. A huge minus of all this is that a whole mountain of grievances accumulates.

• Hiding. In order not to get injured, inevitably in an open fight, a person pretends that everything is in order with him. He puts a smile and happiness on his face. However, after some time, such a person becomes indignant: he gives his partner all of himself but receives nothing in return! If a woman says: “I'm doing great” (a forced a smile is inherent), then everything is not great - she is just trying to avoid conflict. But how fast will it explode? Men, usually using such expressions, mean completely different things. In their mouths, this means: “Everything is fine because I can handle it myself,” “Everything is fine because I know what to do,” or “Everything is OK since I can solve this problem without outside help.”

• Submission. How to resolve relationship conflicts? Instead of starting an argument, a woman submits to fate. Thus, she dooms herself to the role of a target for reproaches of her partner and takes responsibility for everything that can upset or upset him.

Conflict resolution relationships

Most often, women provoke quarrels by not expressing their feelings directly. Instead of openly talking about displeasure or disappointment, they begin to beat around the bush. And men, even though they get stars from the sky, can’t read thoughts. Just as much as a woman needs recognition, a man needs approval. The vast majority of men are ashamed to admit how much they need the praise of a partner. They may even go somewhere far away to prove to her that they can live without it. But why then, having lost the approval of a woman, do they immediately become cold, as if disconnected, and begin to defend themselves from the whole world? Yes, because it is very difficult not to get what is so necessary. At the same time, to praise does not mean to flatter but to encourage. Healthy conflict in relationships is when people openly talk about their feelings and do not remain silent.

Managing conflict in relationships

• Set a friendly tone for the conversation.

• Do not convince your opponent that you are right - it is useless. Instead, try to argue your position or come to an agreement.

• Remember, disagreements themselves don't affect us as much as the way they are expressed. How to deal with conflict in a relationship? Choose your words carefully. It is more important to maintain a relationship than to prove one's case.

• If you feel unable to carry on a conversation without raising your voice, it's best to put it off until later. Psychologists advise doing the same if your opponent is too “wound up.” In anger, you can do a lot of stupid things that you will later regret. Take a time out, at least for 20 minutes, and then with a cold mind, return to the discussion.

• Do not react to emotions - only to facts. It is necessary to distinguish between facts and emotions in a conflict. Therefore, do not pay attention to expressions when choosing the optimal strategy. This is not an argument but an emotion.

• How to handle conflict in a relationship? Try to be clear about what your opponent's claims are. Be sure to ask again if you understand each other. The dispute has no basis at all - the whole problem is that someone misunderstood someone.

• Listen to your opponent; let him "let off steam." Don't repeat the mistake that men often make when arguing, telling women, “In short, less text. What do you want?" Thus, it will most likely seem to the lady that the opponent does not care about her feelings.

• From resentment and disappointment, the method of separating a person from his act can save. For example, "I love David, but the fact that he comes home every day after midnight, and even drunk, offends me." He is not a stupid or disgusting person, but his actions are.

• Try to turn the conflict into a joke. To start resolving conflict in relationships, do something that is not expected of you. It can calm the storm of emotions. But do not joke too much: it may seem to the opponent that you are not serious about his feelings and the problem raised - and the fire of the quarrel will flare up again.

• Another good method to mitigate the conflict at the root is an apology.

Learn to respect each other's feelings. If you don't respect your partner's feelings, he won't respect yours. Listen to your partner's words and try to understand and accept him for who he is. Only in this way will you be able to get to know each other better and build a healthy relationship.

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