Should You Tell Your Ex You Miss Them? How to Handle It?

14.07.2020

If you are a grownup, then you might know that not all relationships end with a happy end. Many of us know how hard it is to break up and start everything from scratch. You put so much effort in your union, and now you are left high and dry because all these efforts and sacrifices were in vain. Now it is necessary to forget about the person who was your universe back in days. You have to forget about a part of your life and erase this period from your memory just ASAP because you cannot move on. You are stuck. You suffer and torment yourself with numerous thoughts, “Why do I miss my ex? Does it mean that we should be together? Should I try to get her back?” You drew a picture of a happy future with this person, and now you are standing on the ashes of your dreams.

Is It Normal to Still Love My Ex After a Long Time?

Perhaps you know a person who broke up with a loved one back in days but never recovered from it. Maybe this person is you. It seems you think too much about your ex-partner even though the relationship ended, and there is no chance to be together again. The person still occupies a special place in your heart. You may ask yourself, “Is it normal to still love my ex?” Actually, yes. At the very least, the apparent unwillingness to let go of a person may mean that you are trying to maintain the ability to love. Even though common sense tells you that you need to clear your mind and get rid of thoughts about the past and start living a full life. When your best feelings are deceived, you may feel awkward and ashamed. Thus, you may feel awkward because “OMG. I miss my ex. Still. What a stupid person I am. I can meet girls now and become happy, but I cannot get over the ex.” And you may feel ashamed because you have feelings for a person who doesn’t need you, and who will never appreciate you. Your state is also affected by friends and relatives who have already lost their patience to explain to you that life didn't end at that moment. And they expect you to survive this situation and finally move on.

What Happens in Your Brain When You Miss Your Ex?

You can have strong feelings for an ex-partner for a variety of reasons. Quite often, people perceive this as a desire for reunion. Sometimes this behavior is absolutely correct. But quite often, people make a common mistake: they confuse a fictional image with the image of a real ex-partner. When you suffer because of the breakup, the level of cortisol (stress hormone) increases very much, and it makes you look for a way out. When you start thinking about your ex (your comfort zone), you may calm down a bit even if it doesn’t look like that. You live in your dreams where you feel comfortable and safe.

The ability to distinguish a fictional image of a lover from a real one will help rethink your feelings for the ex. Thus, you felt pain and disappointment and were angry with this person after the breakup. At the same time, there was a place for love and compassion for this person in your heart.

When you think about the past positive experience with your ex, you may get powerful motivation and support. Some people admit that they imagine how ex-partners are proud of them when they perform some difficult task. In this case, the inner image of the ex is endowed with a special power that helps a person overcome difficulties.

Should You Tell Your Ex You Miss Them?

To deal with loss and pain, your mind tries to understand what happened. And, of course, you may start asking a banal and hackneyed question, “Why? I am not good enough?” If you want to recover and get back to normal, you should save face. It is one of the most important rules. She is over you, so you should neither ask nor beg nor write long letters, justifying your existence nor send lyrics that show how you feel. If she left you, you shouldn’t humiliate yourself in any way. Should you tell your ex you miss them? Definitely not. Allow yourself to accept the fact that this person is no longer with you. Remind yourself that this has happened to many other people before you and will happen to many others after. Your partner is not perfect. Their unwillingness to continue the relationship is not humiliation of your dignity. Begging, pleading, hysterical calls at night will not change the fact that this person no longer wants to be with you. Even if you get them back, you will always remember this. You deserve someone who wants to be with you. You have broken up for numerous reasons, and it is obvious that you were not happy together or loved enough to work on your relationships. “I miss my ex-girlfriend.” You miss all happy moments with her and some benefits that you got. However, do you want to repeat all other things that made you suffer and feel not good enough?

Important Things to Think Over Before You Text Your Ex in Despair

You cannot concentrate on anything, and your mood sways from sadness to anger through disappointment and returns to sadness again. You cannot eat and sleep. You continue to torment yourself with the question of whether it was your fault and is there a way to bring everything back. Should I tell my ex I miss her? And then you ask yourself whether you want to get her back. Would everything work out if you got a second chance? What if this is your soulmate? What if you do not find anyone better? What if you lost the love of your life? What if breaking up was a big mistake? Should you tell your ex how you feel? First, answer the following questions.

Why did you break up?

The unpleasant and harsh truth is that you cannot live in a “what if” world. You cannot rely solely on your ideal ideas or false hopes, especially if there were no prerequisites for improving relationships. One person cannot be responsible for all the problems and try to resolve all misunderstandings when the second one does not want this or is indifferent. One of you had a reason to break up, and you must accept the fact that it is right and that it is for the best. People don’t decide to break up when everything is perfectly fine.

Were you really happy?

Many people try to convince themselves that they are happy in relationships even though they are not. People stay together for a long time for many reasons. Maybe they are afraid of loneliness and have low self-esteem that doesn’t allow them to look further and choose the most suitable partner. Maybe they are used to each other, and the partner has become another habit or even addiction. But if you set aside all the nuances and fears and look at the situation as if from the outside, can you say that you were really happy?

Were you faithful? Was she?

Should I text my ex-girlfriend I miss her? Many people continue to live together, having a lover on the side. Is it normal? It is not. If you had agreed on exclusive relationships, but then one of you (or both) crossed this line, then it points to the fact that you had big issues in your relationship. Loyalty is not about the absence of the third wheel in your union, it is more about respect and the confirmation of the robustness of the choice made. This moment is of crucial importance because it demonstrates how healthy your relationship was.

Are you ready to go through the same problems again?

When you miss an ex-girlfriend, you remember all the pleasant moments that make your heart beat faster. When you feel especially lonely, you may think how great it was to wake up next to your girlfriend and what delicious pancakes she made. However, any relationship is about black and white sides. Reflect on all the negative moments in your relationships that easily pissed you off and killed any desire to continue this partnership. You have already created a certain scenario of your relationship, and it will hardly ever change. So, if you get back together again, you will get not only pancakes but also the whole list of problems that you faced earlier. Should I tell my ex-girlfriend I miss her? It is up to you to decide.

How Do You Get Over an Ex You Still Love?

It is always hard to live a comfort zone and find yourself in an “unknown” place where you are single again. You might have already forgotten what it is like to be alone in the evening and cook breakfast yourself. Sometimes it does not even matter whether it was a long relationship or a love affair, full of passion and emotions, it may be still difficult to move on. However, there are certain methods that will help you survive the breakup more easily. How do you get over an ex you still love?

1. Increase your self-esteem and love yourself more

In a relationship, you can put yourself on the back burner and satisfy the needs of your partner. We pay maximum attention to them but forget to pay attention to ourselves. Now that you are free and single, you can do it without hindrance. Have a crush on your life again, discover new things, and the world around. Search for things that make your smile, and then follow your gut. If this is exactly what you want, do it. It will not lead you in the wrong way.

2. Become busy as much as possible

Your mind can become your worst foe if you immerse yourself into negativity and constant self-loathing. You should actively engage yourself with something, so as not to spend all your free time thinking about the ex-partner and constantly wondering what you could have done in another way or how you could have maintained a relationship. Set a goal and try to succeed with your work, hobby, or friends.

3. Don’t ignore your emotions

If you try to suppress your emotions with drugs, alcoholic beverages, or junk food, it will only prolong the suffering. Allow yourself to get through the recovery process and understand that longing is just a moment. You should survive a dark night to watch an amazing sunrise, so remember this whenever you want to buy a bottle of wine or eat sadness at a nearby fast food cafe. In the long run, this will not do you any good. Let your emotions come and go, just accept them as they are.

4. Move your body

How can sweating in the gym help you cure a broken heart? Firstly, it will switch your attention from breaking up to something else. You will have a new goal. In addition, physical activity contributes to the production of healthy hormones that will cheer you up and make you feel like you're on top of the world. Take your time and go to the nearest fitness club. Besides, you might have dreamed to try a new activity, for example, martial arts or tango classes.

5. Hang out with friends

Get rid of thoughts that nobody wants to listen to your problems, and that’s why you are afraid to become obsessive. Firstly, good friends are always ready to help each other in difficult moments. Secondly, if you are obsessive, they will tell you or show you that, so you do not need to think out what is not. Even if your friend is not Osho, they will share their opinion about the situation and support you with a sincere attitude. You can offend loved ones if you let problems and doubts poison you from the inside. You will upset your friends if you do not talk about worries and fears.

6. Use the breakup to your advantage

You will become only stronger and wiser after the breakup. When you are single again, you need to use energy and time that your ex occupied. Pay attention to courses, training, master classes, Coursera, and Prometheus. Take this chance to prove that others did not notice such a superhero nearby. You can have a party or a picnic, you have a lot of energy, and your friends want meetings. Make them believe that the breakup is not the end of the world.

7. Look for a new love affair

Do not worry if you immediately think about a new relationship. It would be worse without such thoughts. Since you let a person into your inner world, there is a void in your soul that needs to be filled with something positive. New people are a great reason to distract from sad experience. Some people generally yearn for the ex until they meet a new person. And it doesn’t matter at all how much time has passed.

8. Clean your space

Throw away everything that might remind you of your ex. Each time when you miss your ex, you can break something that can carry bad memories. It is worth remembering that your friends should be aware of what is happening. Let your anger and disappointment go. Become a free person.

It is unreasonable to get depressed because of a breakup. Perceive the situation as a new beginning. Be grateful for your experience and memories. They say that when you close one door, you can open another one, so go your way, and you will find the very door that you need to open.