The Importance of Relationship Goals: How to Set Them With Your Partner
26.05.2020
“Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
A man wants to Beijing, a woman wants to go to Paris. He wants first to finish the studies and after that, start a family, she longs for vice versa. He plans to buy a car next year, and she dreams about Bali. Many different variants are possible, but the essence is the same: you love each other, but you see the future differently. It happens that conceding to a loved one is harder than breaking up. So, people end relationships, hoping someday to meet someone who has the same desires and life goals, but they meet no one. Never.
It is impossible to find a person whose plans, goals and desires completely coincide with yours because all people are different. If you want to create a happy relationship, you should learn to set relationship goals and achieve them.
What Are the Relationships Goals?
The term "relationship goals" is used to describe certain results that a loving couple wants to achieve in their relationship. To say more, this is one of the foundations of a healthy romantic relationship. In all circumstances, common goals help people fulfill their dreams and, accordingly, become happier.
If people do not understand that the purpose of a personality is a constant movement towards excellence, they dwindle to a vegetative existence on the couch and pointless watching TV shows, senseless web browsing, looking through the information nonsense in social networks, hanging out on single women sites, and so on. People begin to feel unfulfilled and frustrated. Thus, it is important to set goals and achieve them. To say more, you should forget about nasty relationship goals and consider only those things that will make you better.
Can Relationship Goals Transform Your Personal Life for the Better?
Undoubtedly, relationship goals can make your personal life much better. To prove it, let's consider the main advantages of real relationship goals.
Drawing together. Partners have a common idea, a common goal, and along with that, common plans. They spend time more efficiently – not in front of the TV screen but doing interesting activities.
Common interests, topics for conversation. People in love often complain, “We talk only about everyday problems,” “We perceive each other only like a mother and father of our children, forgetting about the fact that we are also interesting personalities with own outlooks.” But if you have common goals, you discuss topics that interest both of you. Thus, you see each other in a new light – as people who are moving towards the same result.
Self-development. If you decide in which direction you are both moving and set goals – you develop together at about the same speed. And with the support of a loved one, self-development occurs even faster and easier.
A better understanding of each other. Having a common goal makes settling differences easier. No one grabs the biggest piece of the pie – “I want one thing, and you want another.” Your "I want" recedes into the background. After all, when two people have a common goal, there is another question to decide – what is the most effective way to achieve this goal?
Escaping daily grind. When having common goals, every day becomes a small step towards achieving it. You overcome difficulties with a beloved person, observe progress, and enjoy it together, that is, your life becomes more fulfilled and interesting.
How to Set Girlfriend and Boyfriend Goals
It is not so difficult to set relationship goals. There are 3 main tips that will help you do this.
1. Learn to distinguish between “my” and “our”
If you decide to build a relationship with someone, you have to learn how to divide needs and desires into your personal and common. For example, if you want to make a new hairstyle or change jobs – this desire concerns only you (although if you ask your beloved for advice, they will be pleased). But in a relationship, there are some desires that concern both of you, for example, moving abroad or having children. In this case, the “I want” formula does not work. These situations need to be discussed together, putting strong arguments for and against. So, you should resolve yourself to the fact that each of you has to sacrifice something to be together and build a happy relationship.
2. Choose the right time and place to talk with your partner
To set goals for a relationship, you need to be prepared for an open conversation with a partner. Therefore, choose the appropriate time and place. It is better if you are alone with your loved one, and no one bothers you. Both of you should feel easy, relaxed, and comfortable.
3. Be honest
When you talk about your plans, desires, and needs with a loved one, you should be completely open and honest. After all, this applies to your life and happiness not only at the present but also in the future. Do not be afraid to talk about your innermost desires. If you truly love a partner, you trust them and can count on their support at any time. Distrust is one of the relationships red flags.
List of Relationship Goals: Ideas for Any Couple
Now, it is time to proceed to the best relationship goals examples you can set in a romantic relationship. Therefore, we would like to bring to your attention a list of useful relationship goals for you and your beloved one!
1. Learn to look at things realistically
True love is not at all that affection, which makes people not to notice the shortcomings of a partner. True love is a choice. It is the constant support and care for a significant other, no matter what happens. This is accepting that your relationships will not always be cloudless. This is the need to deal with problems, fears, and rueful feelings of your beloved even when you do not want it at all. Building long-lasting relationships requires a lot of effort from both partners. You should realize this and learn to look at things realistically. After all, it brings true happiness and not just another temporal euphoria.
2. Talk about your former relations in a soft manner
The fact that you can tell a loved one about your former partner and honestly admit the reasons for breaking up the relationship speaks of your trust in your beloved. In addition, your ability to listen to the personal story about previous relationships of your current partner without scandal, tantrums, and accusations testifies to the superiority of common sense over emotions. Of course, you should not spend too much time talking about the ex, but sometimes such “debriefing” can help you not become “ex” for each other in the current relationship.
3. Reach the partnership
This is a very important point in a romantic relationship, which not all people pay attention to. Whatever relationships you build with the opposite sex, if you want them to be strong and durable, they should include a partnership between you and your partner. After all, you are one team that should have common goals and agreed on ways to achieve them. Therefore, a man and a woman should be a pillar of support for each other and overcome difficult life situations hand in hand. You should understand that together you are powerful and can achieve any goals!
4. Respect each other
This is the main thing in a relationship. There will be times when it will seem to you that you no longer love each other at all. No one, even the happiest couples, can avoid conflicts and disagreements in relationships. One of the things that will help save your love is unwavering respect. Without respect, you will always doubt each other's intentions, condemn the choice of a partner, and try to limit the independence of a loved one.
5. Learn to quarrel properly
Psychologist John Gottman identified 4 signs of behavior that indicate a possible break-up of relationships.
- Criticism of a partner’s character ("You are stupid" instead of "You acted thoughtlessly").
- Blame-shifting.
- Constant insults.
- Avoid quarrels and ignoring a partner.
There are some tips on how to learn to quarrel properly.
- Do not recall previous scandals during a quarrel. This will only aggravate the situation.
- If the argument begins to grow heated, just stop. Return to the conversation only when you will sober down.
- Remember, someone's righteousness in a quarrel is not as important as the feeling that you were listened to with respect.
- Do not try to avoid quarrels. Unburden your mind to a partner and honestly admit that you are worried about something.
6. Remember about the little things
This is one of the best Christian relationship goals. Simple courtesies, compliments, and support mean a lot for love relations. All these little things accumulate over time and affect the way you perceive your relationship. Therefore, many experts advise continuing to go out on romantic dates with a partner and be sure to find time for sex even when you are tired. Physical proximity allows you not only to maintain healthy relationships but even helps fix them when something goes wrong.
7. Listen and hear each other
Do not be distracted when a partner shares thoughts about anything. A sincere attempt to listen to a loved one will undoubtedly convince the partner that you really value them and your relationship. Remember that your partner trusts you and expresses feelings that come from the depths of their souls. Therefore, the ability to listen and hear each other is a truly invaluable quality.
8. Focus attention on positive feelings
To make a romantic relationship really strong and healthy, you should focus on positive feelings. Therefore, seek and create occasions for smiles. Please your partner more often, make surprises in the form of small favors and offer to do what your beloved one likes the most – even if this activity is not one of your favorites. This is one of the cute relationship goals to achieve with a partner.
9. Avoid unnecessary reasons for negative emotions
According to various studies, negative emotions affect people much more strongly and longer than positive ones and are remembered better. According to John Gottman, who checked this theory, a couple in love needs at least five times more positive emotions than negative ones to be satisfied with their relationship and maintain happiness. Thus, one critical remark should be compensated for by five praises or expressions of love. Practice this technique in your relationship and over time, you will learn to avoid unnecessary reasons for negative emotions.
10. Share household chores
If all household duties fall on the shoulders of one partner, it quickly exhausts. A person begins to take it out on loved ones, and relationships sink in the mire conflicts. What to do? Help each other! For example, while a man is working, a woman can cook dinner or clean the apartment. The help of a beloved person in household chores only strengthens relations. Moreover, it shows partners that they can count on each other in difficult times.
11. Do not try to change each other
It is no secret that many women believe that they are able to change a man with whom they decided to cast a lot. “If I make him lose 10 kilograms, he will be much more attractive,” or “If I can wean him from video games, I will be happy” – all these internal mudslingings have nothing to do with real love and long-term happiness. If you do not like the way your partner looks, speaks, or acts at the present and cannot love them for what they are, it is better to break-up relations. And that is that!
12. Make each other laugh
A sense of humor is a powerful engine for building any relationship. So, you should never miss the chance to make your partner laugh. In addition, you should approach solving any problems with humor – in such a way, it will be easier to resolve them. This cute couple relationship goal will make you both much happier!
13. Become better
Although people change throughout their lives, it is important to work on yourself to become better every day. This is one of the foundations of a healthy romantic relationship. Moreover, personal growth and self-development contribute to the realization of your life potential. So, you should certainly set such a goal in your relationship and make every effort to become a better version of yourself. Ponder your interests, values, and character traits. Can you work on these things to improve them? Of course, you can! Moreover, you have each other's support.
14. Make your sex life perfect
Sex is an integral part of any romantic relationship. To say more, healthy sexual life has several advantages for the physical and emotional health of both partners. Many couples in love have problems with sex. In most cases, this happens due to the internal complexes, fear of confiding in a partner, and telling about all secret sexual desires. Do not be afraid to discuss sex life with your loved one and set sexy relationship goals! The main thing is to be honest and sincere with each other, and then, sex will bring maximum pleasure to each of you.
15. Try something new once or twice a month
Bringing some newness to a relationship is a great way to preserve the freshness and brightness of your feelings. It is an absolutely achievable relationship goal. At the same time, it does not even matter what you do, the main thing is that it is new to both of you. For example, you can visit a new restaurant, explore an unfamiliar city, try a new type of activity, and a host of other things. When you try something new with your loved one, you create a shared exciting experience, such funny relationship goals strengthen your love and make you both more cheerful. A small change can take on enormous importance!
Final Thoughts
Romantic relationships are a union of souls, not bodies. Of course, all people are different, and any relationship is a clash of two individuals with different interests, desires, and worldviews. In reality, a man and a woman are different parts of a single whole. They should complement each other and invest in their relationships to make them strong and durable. Also, to live happily with a loved one, it is important to consider your needs, set common goals, and achieve them. Take into account the above-mentioned relationship goals checklist and work on your relationships!
