Types of Cheating and Ways to Prevent It in a Relationship
03.03.2020
Cheating on a loved one is one of the worst nightmares of any loving person. Relationships with a chosen one are always based on trust, which is almost impossible to return if it was lost. Is it possible to trust the person who cheated on you? Unlikely. Today we are going to discuss issues like, “What is considered cheating in a relationship?” “Is sexting cheating if you are in a relationship?” “What is micro-cheating?” and “How to move forward in a relationship after cheating?”
Is Cheating a Problem for Couples Today?
The problem of adultery and its consequences are among the most common client problems that a psychologist regularly has to deal with. This topic is always one of the most painful for all parties of the conflict, and often a qualified consultation of a psychologist is simply necessary here.
The problem of adultery is significantly complicated by the fact that in each individual case, the conflict is different in nature and develops according to an individual scenario. Only one thing can be said for sure: physical adultery is always the result of adultery committed on an emotional and spiritual level, even when it comes to random communication.
The consequences of adultery can be the most painful. The infidelity of a loved one and the destruction of a family is always a big shock that causes a storm of negative emotions. Therefore, a quite expected consequence may be psychological problems. So, for example, quite often, people who have survived adultery can develop obsessions. Moreover, these obsessions can be of the most destructive nature.
As for the patterns of behavior in this situation, they are often quite predictable. This may be a withdrawal, a complete breakdown, an attempt to avenge retaliation, family scandals. None of these paths leads to a solution to the problem but only exacerbates it. The most dangerous and painful way is an attempt to use children and manipulate them to preserve the family. The effect of such actions can be short-lived, but at the same time, psychological trauma becomes deeper, and children suffer even more.
The main mistake, in each of these cases, is that the “injured party” always seeks to blame. Meanwhile, it must be understood that two are always to blame for adultery. Only understanding your mistakes will allow you to understand the behavior of your partner, which, in turn, makes it possible to get out of the vicious circle, and it is the least painful solution to the problem. It is at this stage that professional psychological counseling is needed instead of the advice of relatives and friends, who are always biased.
Let’s now look into the different types of cheating.
So, What Are the Different Types of Cheating?
Infidelity is the most painful moment in the life of a couple. The very fact that your partner was in touch with someone else completely destroys trust and often leads to a breakup. No one is safe from a case of infidelity, and it can happen even if love and harmony reign in the family. Infidelity, as a rule, occurs for various reasons and come in several varieties. What is cheating in a relationship means? What is the definition of “cheating” in a relationship?
The most common form of infidelity is a random affair
Here’s the first of different types of cheating. It occurs through negligence, often under the influence of alcohol or other narcotic substances. A person loses control of themselves, and natural instincts begin to take over the mind. As a rule, such relationships are one-time in nature and cause an acute sense of guilt for the partner. If your relationship ends up breaking up because of infidelity, remember how easy it is to find a site to meet single ladies on the Internet.
Physical adultery on a voluntary basis is also a fairly common form of infidelity
As a rule, the reason is a lack of sexual satisfaction. Even a person who sincerely loves their partner and values their family can deliberately start a relationship with another person to make up for the missing emotions. A similar problem should be resolved immediately. You should understand the reason for dissatisfaction and talk with a partner on this topic. Perhaps seek the help of a sexologist. After all, if earlier your sex life was regular and diverse, you need to understand the reasons for the cooling between partners, and the need to look for someone on the side will disappear by itself.
Spiritual infidelity is perhaps the most painful
Such a case is much less common, but nevertheless, it can completely and irrevocably destroy the relationship. When one of the partners falls in love with another person, all thoughts, love, and fantasies will be directed only at them. In such cases, you need to figure out whether you are really ready to part with your constant companion and give your love to a new person. This decision is quite complicated against the backdrop of shared years, and therefore, must be very well thought out.
There is such a variety of infidelity as emotional
Although many do not consider such an affair to be an infidelity, it is quite dangerous. This is a close relationship with a person that involves friendship. It all starts with communication, complete mutual understanding and similarity of interests. Gradually, a partner, in such communication, can begin to discuss their soulmate in the negative light. In the future, such a connection is likely to turn into a sexual one, therefore, despite the fact that it begins with normal and harmless communication, it causes danger. If you feel like you are suffering in controlling relationships, and your partner constantly pushes you around, spends a lot of time with another person and gets very defensive when it comes to your attempts to discuss this issue, then you have to leave them, run away, this relationship will not cause you any joy.
Now that we know the different types of cheating in a relationship, let’s talk about the signs of a cheating partner in a relationship.
Main Signs of Cheating
There is no consensus on what infidelity is - for each person it is something different. Someone monitors the actions of their partner in social networks and considers each “like” as someone else’s infidelity, and another one can forgive things that are much more severe in nature. One thing is clear: emotional infidelity differs from physical. That is, it’s all that “more than friendship” thing. With emotional infidelity, the heart of your loved one is far away from you, even if their body is near. And to learn about such infidelity is no less painful than about sex on the side. In addition, it is unlikely that your partner who flirts with another partner does not think about anything more than that. Noticing emotional infidelity is not as easy as physical. The partner may come home on time, they don't smell of other people's scents, and you don't find other people's hair on the jacket. What then can be used to determine it? All of these signs apply to physical infidelity as well.
A partner never leaves their phone with you
A smartphone is a very personal, almost intimate thing. And secrecy in the way they use their phone not always means that there is something terrible there. However, people who have something to hide from their spouses will be especially eager to protect the integrity of the phone.
The partner is eager to meet with friends, and their meetings take place on the other side of the city
Especially if they don’t usually find it quite intriguing to meet with relatives or mutual friends. Most likely, they will meet the object of their sympathy there. At the same time, they do not take you with them since there will be a “purely male/female company.”
When mentioning the name of another person, the partner gets excited and ready to instantly change their plans
It may be that you are familiar with the one who occupies the thoughts of your loved one. For example, you communicate all together in one company. If you've begun to notice that your spouse’s plans and opinions change depending on what another person does or says, then it’s worth taking a closer look at them. For example, they decide to cancel the trip if that person isn’t there or change the place of meeting with friends because that person needs it.
A partner praises another person
Of course, your partner will not just praise another person in front of you. But they can, for example, speak of their relationship with others, stating that this or that person is not worth them.
When drunk, a partner shows especially warm feelings for another person
Yes, many people begin to confess their love and respect for others after a certain dose of alcohol. But if your partner chooses them from among all the interlocutors – focuses their attention on that particular person, this should alert you.
The partner laughs off at all conversations about another person
Or vice versa hyperbolizes your suspicions. They say stuff like, "Yes, of course, I sleep with them every day, how could it be otherwise, and in any free time I dream about them." Usually, those who do not know how to lie do this: that is, they tell the truth, but in such a tone and way that, of course, sounds nonsensical and comes off as a joke.
Less communication
One way or another, but communication is the key to any healthy relationship. Working, social, and even romantic relationships. The lack of communication in a couple, especially if you could talk for hours before, may mean that one of the partners has lost interest in the other. If the answers to all your questions come down to general, monosyllabic phrases, perhaps they satisfy their need for communication somewhere else.
You don't feel needed
This sometimes occurs in all of us. Everyone wants to be the one, and routine, work and life very quickly take off your crown. But a sense of self-need and importance in a relationship should be present at all times. The absence of these things may be a signal that your partner does not value you as before. Perhaps this is your mistake, and you should reconsider your behavior, or perhaps this is a sign of emotional infidelity. If, in addition to this, you notice other signs, it is worth being alarmed.
Less sexual interest
The moments when you used any second of free time for intimacy and studying each other's bodies and fantasies, unfortunately, end. They are being replaced by mature, measured sex. And this is not bad, you have more time for foreplay, gentle kisses, and stroking. Sooner or later, in all respects, sex ceases to govern relationships. But if now there is only indifference in your relationships, if they do not show any sexual interest in you, then a reasonable question arises: do they really want to be with you?
Now that we know some of the main types of cheating in a relationship, the signs of infidelity, and whether cheating is a problem in modern society, let’s move on. Before you think of how to move forward in a relationship after cheating, think of how to prevent your partner from infidelity in the first place. Preventing infidelity is a great way to avoid cheating in a relationship.
How to Prevent Your Relationships from Infidelity
Psychologists say that the infidelity of a loved one can be prevented. Infidelity is a sign that your relationship no longer suits your chosen one, so pay attention to recommendations that can help you not only protect yourself from infidelity but also strengthen relations with the chosen one.
The “right” company
Pay attention to your surroundings. The "right" people should include those whose views on life are in tune with yours. Try to ensure that there are no people among your friends who can potentially cause damage to your relationship. Reduce communication with these friends, stop welcoming them in your home. Your friends should value other people's relationships and take care of their own.
Do not run away from problems
In any relationship, there are conflicts and quarrels, there is no escape from this. Learn to look for the causes of disagreements and eliminate them. Communicate with your loved one more often and listen to their opinion.
Honesty is above all
Do not lie, don’t let yourself to use lies, even the smallest and, at first glance, harmless in a relationship. A little lie or a moment of silence can be the beginning of the destruction of a relationship.
Do not try to be better than you are
If you are building a relationship with a person, then do not try to pretend to be who you are not. If they are your betrothed, then they will love you for who you are. And if you don’t feel their love, then it’s better to look for another person. Do not doom yourself to constant pretense to justify their expectations.
Be positive
No matter how your relationship develops, keep a smile on your face and faith in the best. Be the sun for your partner. Show them your love and joy that they are next to you. If they feel and believe that you need and love them, then they will not even think about how to cheat on you.
Can Cheating Be of Any Help in a Relationship?
The following is an interesting and very controversial take on infidelity in relationships, be warned.
When people get engaged, they think that their spouse is the only one for life. Six months later, the second one appears, after a year - the third. And so on. And all because relationships without infidelity are impossible. I know for sure.
I have recently met my old friends. Let's say their names are Joe and Jessica. They have long been engaged and seemed quite happy. Happy, despite the fact that five years ago, they actively cheated on each other. Jessica, for example, cheated on Joe with me.
This happened by accident. Neither she nor I ever thought of anything like that - it just happened. The family seriously quarreled, Jessica left with a scandal, rented an apartment and began to complain to me that "this moron does not understand her at all." Soon enough, we moved from conversations about saving their relationships to sex. On her initiative and mutual consent.
We did not get out of bed for almost a month. Then one evening she called and said, “That's it, I'm going back to my husband.” And she returned. Here it is worth noting that all this month her husband was also not a model of fidelity and chastity. He once told me about this during a friendly dialogue.
One could not consider this an infidelity. By and large, they were living separately from each other, they were going to get divorced, and, as a result, had the right to some affairs on the side.
But who needs these excuses? After all, we are all people and understand that we lose our taste for life without freedom. Over time, any relationship becomes monotonous, life together becomes dreary, and sex is boring. Therefore, partners absolutely need to rest from each other. The longer people are in relationships, the less jealous of each other they are. Infidelity revives this feeling. The sequence of actions is this: infidelity - jealousy - resuscitation of feelings. If a man suspects something, a beast will immediately wake up in him. When I first slept with my friend’s spouse, he called her right away. Before that, he had not called her for five days. But as soon as we got into bed, he felt that something was amiss.
I have three good friends. They are all engaged. And everyone, including me, cheated on their partners. One accidentally did it at a party, another one purposefully did it with the same woman for several years, the third does it in every city where he flies for work. However, they love their partners and are not going to break the sacred bonds of relationships. And you know why? Because to know family happiness is possible only in comparison. When you cheat, you realize that a lover is good, but only for a while.
Family Happiness Is Possible Only in Comparison
Family psychologists say that four out of five engaged men cheated on their partners at least once in their lives. I'd love to look at this fifth guy. I think he was just afraid to admit it. I do not believe that a man can be faithful for ideological reasons.
One of my friends follows all her desires (I’m trying so hard to not use the phrase “sleeps with everyone around”). She has something of a sporting interest - to seduce a gentleman she likes in half an hour. Moreover, she has been engaged for 15 years. When I asked her how she managed to deceive her husband, she replied that she was not deceiving anyone.
She just didn't tell everything, and she was not particularly interested, although he probably knew what she did. After all, whoever she is with, she always returns to him. Infidelity loves silence. Maybe this is the secret of family happiness?
But back to my friends. They did not tell anything to each other. And rightly so - they protect fragile family happiness. They look satisfied, they are about to have a baby. A
couple of times I thought about inviting Jessica (my friend’s spouse) to repeat our rendezvous. But, thank God, did not dare to do so. And she, most likely, would refuse such a shameless offer. And our friendships would probably be seriously hurt. But sometimes a thought flashes in my head: if they again quarrel, our story will repeat. And I think the chance is great - because relationships are impossible without infidelity.
Behind any infidelity, as a rule, lies a significant reason. Perhaps this is a lack of attention from a partner or a monotonous sexual life. If your relationship is dear to you, but you began to look for somebody else, try to figure out and fix all the flaws with your partner so as not to make a mistake that you can regret quite a lot.
