What is a one sided relationship?
Unbalanced relationships in them may be love, but there is definitely no balance and justice. Because one of the partners always gives more time, energy, strength, and support. And the second one uses it all. When a relationship is one-sided over time, it becomes difficult for the first partner to manage the relationship alone. After all, the responsibility for their development and improvement should lie with both participants. That is why this type of relationship is exhausting both physically and emotionally. And it brings more suffering than warm and bright feelings.
signs of a one-sided relationship
You hold back your emotions. One-sided relationship means do you often hold back your emotions for fear that your partner will be annoyed or angry? When people love and appreciate each other, there is no need for this. After all, the partner should try to support you in all situations. Be true to the motto if someone cannot accept your worst sides, he does not deserve your best.
You are giving up your interests. How long has it been since you and your loved one did what you wanted? At some point in a relationship, you have to make compromises. If the needs and hobbies of one partner fade into the background, this is a clear sign of a one-sided relationship. He indicates that the partner does not value the interests of his soulmate and considers only his own needs important.
You are the driving force behind your relationship. Planning dates and trips, an initiative in correspondence, gifts and surprises - everything lies on your shoulders. Then this is a one-sided relationship example. In a one-sided relationship, one of the partners always feels that he needs to "entertain" the other. At the same time, he does not receive anything in return except for reproaches that he does too little for the relationship. Paradoxical, right?
You feel constant emotional exhaustion. The obvious red flags of a one-sided relationship are the situation when a partner only gives but receives nothing in return, thereby bringing him to complete emotional devastation. Wanting to satisfy the other, he is under constant pressure; hoping to get recognition from a loved one finally, he is continually disappointed. This emotional state can eventually lead to deep depression.
You doubt yourself all the time. If you have the feeling that you are not living up to your partner's expectations, for example, in terms of appearance, intelligence or humor, think about it. It's not your job to please others. If a partner does not accept you for who you really are, then, most likely, he simply does not suit you.
You are making excuses for your partner. Of course, there will come a time when you will have to apologize for your partner's behavior toward friends or family. But if this happens all the time, then this is a very bad sign.
You don't want to leave your partner because you've invested so much in the relationship. Way relationship meaning constant sacrifice and investment in a relationship, makes you think that you can't part with your loved one. The thought is spinning in my head: "Too much effort was spent now to just give up. We need to fight to the end." But do not forget the fact that the longer a hopeless relationship lasts, the more time you lose. If you still manage to break out of the vicious circle, you should take this experience as a useful lesson.
You have different expectations. Let's say you are in the mood for a long-term serious relationship, marriage, and children, and your partner is looking for something short-term and easy.
Your partner is having a tough time. Problems at work and with relatives, age crisis, depression, financial or other difficulties, due to which he is immersed in himself and his experiences. And therefore, temporarily cannot devote much time and effort to relationships, which can also be expressed in one-sided relationship psychology.
Perhaps by wasting time and energy fighting for relationships that do not bring you joy, you are losing your chance for true happiness. But every person is worthy of love and reciprocity.
Does it make sense to try to rebalance?
It may seem that if only one partner invests in a relationship, they are doomed, and nothing can be fixed. Sometimes this is true, but still, there is a chance that a loved one is not a cold, indifferent egoist and does not understand how his behavior looks from the outside. So it’s worth at least trying to clarify the situation and save the relationship.
Why do we fall into them?
If one-sided relationships are so bad, then why do people get into them? Psychologists have a theory that everything can come from childhood. If it was forbidden in the family to express emotions, one-sided conversations (and they didn’t even hear about boundaries there), then, having matured, a person could take on too much responsibility even if it doesn't belong to him. In simple words, we repeat the normal relationship dynamics for our family. Therefore, we choose a partner who also does not express emotions. And we are trying to please him. How did you ever try to please your parents?
How to fix a one-sided relationship?
If you are tired one sided relationships, then you have the opportunity to learn how to deal with a one-sided relationship.
Talk to your partner about what is bothering you. Do not make claims, and do not blame; talk about your feelings. Give specific examples of situations that hurt you.
Tell me what you would like and how you see your relationship.
Mention why your relationship is important to you and why you appreciate your loved one.
Offer ideas on how to adjust the relationship and make it deeper and more mutual. List what you are ready to do yourself, for example, not to be silent about your feelings and immediately “highlight” unpleasant moments, and what you expect from a partner, say, support you more, spend time with you more often.
Contact a family therapist. It will help to establish communication and come to a compromise if it is not possible to do it on your own.
When should you put an end?
Suppose you have already learned what causes one-sided relationships, and you know exactly the answer to the question of what is a one-sided relationship. In that case, you need to decide whether you want to continue in this relationship.
It happens that the partner refuses to discuss the difficulties in the relationship with you, finds excuses, and claims that everything “just seemed” to you. Or he agrees to a conversation, but after it, he continues to act as before and does not even make attempts to change his behavior. These are all sad signs, which, unfortunately, indicate that it is better to end the relationship so as not to torment yourself.
How can these relationships be changed?
Turning a one-sided relationship into a healthy one is difficult but possible. True, both of you will need a lot of work, reflection, and honest communication. But first, psychologists advise having an honest conversation with yourself. Ask yourself questions like “is it safe to be with this person” “can they take feedback” “what are their consistent behaviors” etc. And then, do a relationship assessment and explore your boundaries. Find out what you bring to the relationship and how it benefits not only him but also you. Having boundaries means being clear about what you can and cannot tolerate. You do not need to give a request to a person, but it is necessary to emphasize what is important to you.
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