What Is Aromantic in a Relationship?

14.11.2022

What does aromatic mean? This is a person who does not feel romantic attraction to other people or shows feelings but is different from the stereotyped idea of ​​romance. Aromantics do not fall in love, but most experience unromantic love for family, friends, and pets. The opposite of aromantic is alloromantic, or the expression of feelings for people.

Aromantic meaning is not the same as asexuality, that is, the absence of sexual desire. Aromantics can either attract other people sexually or not, just as an asexual may or may not be romantically attracted.

It is difficult to calculate how many people consider themselves aromantics. A Canadian scientist study shows that approximately 1% of people identify themselves as asexual. Of these, 26% consider themselves aromantic.

History of the term

The aromantic definition appeared in the early 2000s in English-language forums and groups dedicated to asexuality. Even 20 years later, this word is unknown to many. There has been more talk about aromanticism recently, including several celebrities who have come forward about their orientation.

What is aromatic mean? The aroma spectrum includes several identities. Among them, there are, for example, gray-romantic people who are somewhere in the middle between the aromatic and spectrum. They may experience some feelings, but only under certain conditions. There are also demiromantic ones who experience feelings for another person only after forming an emotional connection.

Signs of being aromantic

There are no external signs of aromaticity as such. Defining oneself as aromantic is always a matter of self-identification and one's own feelings. To understand them, you can compare yourself with others and analyze your own feelings in "romantic" situations.

As a rule, aromantics say they feel nothing when presented with flowers or invited for a walk. When a partner is jealous, aromantics often respond by asking, "What's wrong?" and sincerely do not understand why the partner is offended that their attention has switched to someone or something else. Aromantics usually find it difficult to give their partner signs of attention because the meaning of romantic actions is not obvious to them. In fact, this is the opposite of a romantic relationship.

Reasons for aromanticism

• Upbringing. The family situation determines the development of the emotional sphere of a person. If child receives little love and affection from their parents in childhood, likely, he will not experience feelings. The scheme of the functioning of the family, where they are fed, shod, dressed, go home from work and have money for the family, but there is no spiritual closeness and interest in each other, may well explain the appearance of the aromantic relationship.

• Experienced trauma. A person can become aromantic if they have experienced negative experiences in a connection. Or, if faced with severe anxiety and fear, he did not receive support from others and decided to “hide” from the external reality inside himself. People avoid attachments, suppress feelings and experiences in themselves, and suppress their “I,” being afraid to face the horror to which they were led by early trauma. They live as if in a snowy desert, an inner prison while feeling emotionally empty.

Aromanticism and relationships

Aromantic vs. asexual, along with romantics, can have sexual relations and create families. However, these connections may look different than romantic ones. In everyday life, aromantics do not need to expect sudden gifts or an enthusiastic response to your gifts. They will not write you a hundred messages a day on the topic “how are you? What are you doing? What are you thinking about? What do you think of me? If they consider your request and explanation of why you need flowers once a week reasonable and important, you will receive them. You can count on the honest observance of the rules and agreements with aromantics.

As for sexual relations, according to the psychotherapist, if sex is a pleasure and satisfaction for an aromantic, he will be interested in it. But he will not feel the uniqueness of these experiences. Emotional and sexual attachment does not arise for aromantics. Whether the aromantic is ready to stay with one partner or change them is a matter of his choice or your agreement.

How to communicate with an aromantic?

It can be quite difficult for a person who experiences a wide range of emotions to understand and communicate with aromantics. Here are some tips on how to communicate different types of aromantic:

• Respect his orientation. Even if you don't fully understand what it means to be aromantic, show respect to your friend or partner. Listen if he wants to share some experiences with you, and directly ask how you can support him now.

• Don't be dismissive. Remember that people understand themselves and their own feelings better than you do. No need to put pressure on the "norm" and patterns and try to convince the aromantic to change his attitude towards something. Do not try to drag such people into situations that they are not interested in.

• Find a shared hobby. For example, a passion for a certain art or sport. Experiencing an aesthetic feeling together will help establish emotional bonds with an aromantic.

How to know if you're aromantic?

There are several distinguishing features that can speak of your aromaticity.

• You don't fall in love. You can truly love someone. But it is unlikely that you will feel “butterflies in your stomach” at the sight of a partner or draw hearts in a notebook while you think about him.

• When you enter into a connection, you pay attention to other things that are not related to romance. For example, the financial stability of a partner, common interests, or how good he is in bed.

• You don't see yourself in a connection. While your friends are thinking about moving in with a girl, getting married, and having kids, you don't see yourself in those situations at all. You understand that this is hardly yours and corresponds to how you imagine your life.

• Plus, connections can make you feel uncomfortable. You just don't know how to respond to the other person's emotions because you don't feel anything like that.

• You don't associate sex with romance and connections. For example, you may be sexually attracted to someone you like and enjoy sex. But it is unlikely that you will consider the obligatory candy-bouquet period or compliments after sex important. You perceive sex as an act that brings pleasure and not as an expression of feelings or a way to feel a special closeness with a partner.

• You are not afraid of loneliness. You may avoid connections because you don't want to hurt someone because you don't have feelings. But loneliness does not scare you at all. You are not worried about the absence of someone nearby; you are unlikely to become sad or uncomfortable because of this.

If you recognize yourself here, then you can say, "am I aromantic" and there is nothing to worry about.

What does it mean to be aromantic?

A person determines his own orientation. If you have come to realize that you are aromantic and you are comfortable living without feelings, this is normal. Aromanticism is not a disease; it is not in medical classifications. In most cases, the lack of romantic attraction is not a reason to visit a psychologist or psychotherapist. But if you are uncomfortable with this new knowledge about yourself, do not hesitate to contact a therapist who can help sort out your feelings.

Psychological well-being and happiness involve harmonious connections with other people. Suppose a person can build harmonious connections without experiencing complex emotional experiences of a romantic nature, then, of course. In that case, he does not need to go anywhere and does not need to do anything about it. At the same time, if an aromantic build a connection with someone who needs deep feelings, you should contact a specialist. It will help to understand what emotional states the partner is experiencing and what kind of response to feelings is expected from him.

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