How to Be Independent in a Relationship

28.08.2020

In childhood, kids adore fairytales, especially those that have bright and magical happy endings. When you become a teen, you can fall for the very idea of love. Having become an adult who has gone through a series of breakups that were accompanied by mental pain, you finally realized that only you are responsible for your happiness and satisfaction with life. And it is weird to expect that you can meet a person who will turn your life into paradise when you are the owner of your life, and it is you who should take the first step toward creating your heaven on earth. In fact, most people are so busy looking for chemistry between people, a romanticized, or rather the Hollywood version of true love, that they forget about real life. However, the truth looks different: your supposedly true love is just another person with their own problems. And you are just two independent people in relationships.

Independence in Relationships: Why Is It So Important?

What does it mean to be independent? Well, it seems it would be right to start with one obvious thing – independence is the opposite of dependence, or rather codependence when we are talking about interpersonal relationships. It is when you can live without another person and understand that your life isn't put on pause when they go somewhere. Independent women in relationships know how to entertain themselves when they stay alone, and they don’t make a drama out of any trifle because they have a healthy self-esteem. Why is it important to maintain independence? It is crucial at least because your every action is made out of love and inner desire, and not because you have to or want to avoid an unpleasant situation. If you meet woman now and build independent relationships, you will have a healthy and happy union.

Main Signs of Independence in a Relationship

The more committed your relationship becomes, the more seriously you affect each other. And of course, your influence can have many positive aspects. You can learn a lot from your beloved one as well as broaden their horizons in some cases. However, one should be very careful not to immerse themselves in another person. And many couples don’t know how to maintain independence in a relationship when they move in together. Nonetheless, what are its main signs?

1. You have your personal space

It is not about your smartphone, laptop, or ability to stay in the shower for 10 minutes more. It is about a kind of a man cave that is protected from your significant other. It is a place where you can stay alone with your thoughts or devote time to your hobbies. Nobody has a right to break into your space and demand something. It is your kingdom with your own rules. Thus, both of you will live your life that is full of different activities, hobbies, and interests. You don’t need to give up something just because your partner doesn’t share your interests.

2. You have your own friends

Of course, you may have friends with whom you like to hang out together with your beloved one in a big company. It can be about some other couples with alike interests or preferences in leisure. Nonetheless, you have some other friends that are only “yours.” You meet with them alone when you have time or desire. You can go to the bar or go to some other place to hang out in the company of men. And your girlfriend has her circle of communication that is closed for you. And since you have different companies of friends, you are not bound additionally and will not be left alone in case of a breakup.

3. You are financially independent

When people start living together, they face the first financial issue when you should decide whether you will have a shared or a separate budget. Well, it is necessary to notice that both options have the right to exist, and it is only up to you to decide on a suitable option. Nonetheless, if you have decided to have a shared budget, both of you should have your own money. So, if you want to spend something on yourself, you don’t need to ask a partner for a favor. In fact, when partners are financially independent, there is little space for manipulations.

4. You are not codependent

Intimate relationships are always about strong feelings, bright emotions, love, and some attachment. However, you don’t “die” whenever your significant other is going to go somewhere without you. You don’t need to spend 24/7 together because you have your interests and friends. You are bound by love and not by a painful and frustrating habit. Thus, you can live a full-fledged life without anxiety and constant fears that your partner will leave you or start cheating on you. You don’t suffer from trust issues because you prefer to watch yourself than spy on a partner.

5. You share household chores

There are many families in which partners don’t share duties. Thus, a woman can be responsible for cooking and doing all the household chores while a man is making money, and that’s all. So, she feels ashamed not to do something, or she can use her “sphere of responsibility” as a manipulation tool, and he can do the same with the family income. But you don’t like such a scheme when everything depends on the mood of each of you. So, you prefer to work as a team and share all responsibilities, including household chores. It is not a problem for you to cook dinner while your woman is busy with something.

How Independence in Relationships Affects Your Partner?

Many people build their lives solely around the romantic relationship they already have or are about to have. And such dependence often kills this relationship. People become dependent not just because they suffer from jealousy or have trust issues, but their whole world literally spins around their significant others, and they feel frustrated when that partner disappears somewhere, even for a short time. And this is the most basic reason why you, as a person, should always be independent and self-reliant. How to be more independent in a relationship and how it affects your beloved one?

1. They don’t feel obligated

When you are responsible for your life and emotions, you do everything necessary to maintain your state. You are not waiting that someone will come and have your back. And therefore, you don’t feel obligated. All your actions are done out of a desire and not because you have to. So, your partner will not make themselves to do anything if they don’t want to. It is a kind of freedom that only gives impetus to the development of your relationships.

2. They stay mysterious and interesting to you

When people do the same things and stay together around the clock, they get used to each other and lose interest at some moment. And when you are occupied with your own interests and activities, being independent in a relationship, you continue to stay interesting to the partner. Your independence will help keep your partnership flourishing because we are attracted to everything different, new, and unusual. An independent person can cook by themselves, and they don’t need anyone to confirm that.

3. They will have fewer expectations

Why people quarrel all the time? In most cases, their expectations don’t match reality, so they feel disappointed and frustrated. However, when you are independent in relationships, you don’t expect anything from the partner. Thus, you don’t waste your energy on anger, but you do everything possible to improve your life.

Main Ways to Achieve Independence in Relationships

Many people believe that if you are in love, you should be completely into each other. Some adhere to this behavior pattern, so they can meet with friends only if the partner is away, or they have broken up. However, love does not mean that you should abandon your hobbies or your career! Moreover, some independence only benefits your connection. So, how to be independent in a relationship with your significant other?

1. Be a realist

To develop in the right direction, you need to correctly assess your current state, as well as have the correct ideals to which you should strive. The false image of ideal romantic love can make you feel desperate and prone to codependence. Realistic ideals allow you to calmly love and not panic, realizing that it is okay from time to time to feel dissatisfaction and meet some challenges.

2. Accept yourself

You should accept your weakness and yourself as you are at the current moment. Healthy self-esteem will free you from the need to deceive yourself and others. You should not be ashamed of your past life: your searches and mistakes in the past could have unpleasant consequences, but they have turned into a valuable experience.

3. Become meaningful for yourself

Many codependent people dreamed of bringing something meaningful and beautiful into their lives, but they were afraid to fight for their ideals, and therefore, they dwelled on its surrogate as an object of their dependency. How to be emotionally independent? Realize your value and become meaningful for yourself.

4. Don’t turn your partner into your universe

Even the most wonderful person cannot completely satisfy the needs of another person. When you turn a person into your universe, you poison your relationship. You should still have friends with whom you can hang out without the partner.

5. Stay socially active

Find people who share your interests and with whom you can discuss different things besides relationships. It is cool to have hobbies and interests outside the union.

6. Work

When you work and earn money, you can be financially independent, and don’t ask for money every time you need something. Besides, if you work in different spheres, you can have many topics for conversation. And it will help maintain interest in each other.

7. Find a hobby

When you live a diverse life, you less suffer from stress and fatigue, so you decrease the chances to get depressed. And if your life revolves around the partner, a small arguing is perceived as the end of the world.

8. Have your personal space

When people spend all their free time together, they may start controlling each other and feel jealous when one goes away. How to remain independent in a relationship? Preserve your personal space.

9. Set boundaries

You should understand what things are permissible for you, and what things you are not going to tolerate. And don’t forget to inform your partner about them.

10. Don’t compare yourself with others

It is a road to nowhere. You will feel anger and disappointment if someone else looks better and happier. Live your life.

When you become extremely attached to your partner, you gradually lose your independence and, thus, individuality. You should be responsible for your life and actions, and you shouldn’t expect anything from your partner. On the contrary, you should perceive a partner as a reward, so you are just grateful for everything they do for you. Such an attitude will make your relationships only stronger.