Responses to someone who is breadcrumbing you

30.10.2018

You spend many hours and days on a dating app. Profiles of users flash in front of your eyes, someone could interest you a little, but basically, all these people are not your options. When you are desperate and decide to forget about the search for a soul mate, a miracle happens - you meet that very person. You look at the photo and you feel it with your heart. This person is constantly writing to you and driving you insane with hints and interests to your persona. So it goes on for a few days, you like it. But then the days turn into weeks. You are hinting at a meeting. You are ready to do anything to get your relationship to a new level. But your online date continues to hold you on a leash. You gradually become dependent on him or her, as if you are a toy. You must change it. And we will tell how to do it.

What is Breadcrumbing?

So what is breadcrumbing in dating? Breadcrumbing is a relatively new phenomenon in the world of online romance. It is worth noting that this is an extremely annoying and destructive phenomenon. The term breadcrumbing describes the situation when you started a relationship (or it simply seems to you, as it usually turns out later) and your partner starts an extremely unpleasant game with you. It seems to you that everything is fine with you - you often correspond, exchange photos and plan a date. However, this communication is transformed with time. You begin to feel that a person is using you for his or her own entertainment. This is manifested primarily in the fact that flirting is completely superficial. No specifics. It is the main part of breadcrumbing psychology.

Thus, a person makes you stay in constant anxiety and waiting for a miracle. But, as a rule, the miracle does not happen: over time you get tired of this game and stop all kinds of relationships. The motivation for breadcrumbing can be completely different. Most often this is done in order to maintain interest in you and thus use you for self-affirmation. You can easily make a psychological portrait of the typical user of the breadcrumbing dating trend. This is a person who is trying to compensate for failures in life (both personal and professional) at the expense of your emotions.

Most of the breadcrumbing users are very intuitive. They develop relationships with you until you have a strong desire to take them to a new level. At this moment, the “degree of heat” in your relationship is artificially reduced. It hurts you: faith in people gradually disappears, self-esteem decreases and you begin to experience depression. We can say that breadcrumbing is a direct path to despondency, apathy, and bitterness.

The Difference Between Ghosting and Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing and ghosting are two main threats in the world of modern dating. If you at least occasionally use dating applications or dating sites, you probably know these concepts. We really hope that you only heard about them and were not a victim of such destructive behavior.

So what is ghosting? Speaking as simple as possible, this is a situation where someone unexpectedly cuts off your communication. Of course, this word is primarily relevant to romantic relationships. For example, you had a long conversation with a person on a dating site. You have mutual sympathy. Your communication was close to perfect: you had fun and it was extremely interesting. Over time, you even began to experience some kind of feeling, very similar to falling in love. One day you go on a date with a new friend. You spend a great evening and go home. Further, your communication continues - you are overjoyed. But then the day comes and your partner disappears somewhere. They stop answering SMS or calls. You do not know what to do. It takes several days and you realize that you were left alone.

Of course, this is a very bad and cowardly act. With this, there is no point in arguing. When someone does this to you, it hurts a lot. In my opinion, breadcrumbing is even worse. The fact is that you are misled from the very beginning. Agree, this is extremely bad. You do not even suspect the intentions of a new friend regarding you. More precisely, their absence. Day by day you spend energy on this person, expecting your feelings to be mutual. But it is not so. The person on the other side of the screen simply uses you to satisfy his or her ego.

In the case of ghosting, liking can really be mutual. Your potential better half is honest with you at least in the initial period. And in the case of breadcrumbing, you gradually drown in the swamp of lies. From the very first minutes of communication. It drains and kills in you any desire to trust people in the future. So what does breadcrumbing mean? It means that you are trapped.

Breadcrumbing signs

What can we say about breadcrumbing signs? How to deal with breadcrumbing? Fortunately, there are well-defined symptoms that indicate that you are trapped. The main thing you need to understand is that you need to be honest with yourself from the very beginning. Stop idealizing your new friend and turn on critical thinking. Carefully read all the signs of breadcrumbing and apply them to your new relationship. In any case, you do not lose anything but only gain. If you do not find breadcrumbing in your communication, you can be calm - your partner is sincere with you.

They send you occasional messages

Analyze the conversation with your new friend. Perhaps they send you messages only occasionally? Suppose it happens a couple of times a week, and sometimes even more seldom. In that case, that person simply uses you to satisfy his or her own ego. It is very important for such people that the game takes place on their terms. They don't care when you write something. They are absolutely not interested in it. Suppose a person felt an urgent need to assert oneself. At this point, they write a sweet message full of flirting. It is a type of narcissistic personality disorder that manifests itself in breadcrumbing.

There are no specifics in their messages

Most often it is a frivolous short text that does not contain any meaning. It may seem to you that a person is flirting with you and because of this you miss the point of your correspondence. Of course, this will happen for some time. Then you will notice that the person writes only to make you remember about their existence and again begin to dream about the relationship.

They never talk about the serious relationship

Even when your communication finally takes on a personal character, your partner avoids talking about the development of relationships. Perhaps you sometimes meet (yes, this is also possible in the case of breadcrumbing) but it all ends in a next hook-up. People who practice this do not need anything from you, except the company for a couple of evenings. You are only a tool for them, a cure for boredom and a way to feel more important than they really are.

You feel that something is wrong

This is the case when you need to rely on your intuition. If you receive a message from a person and you feel a little anxious and unwilling to respond, you will agree that this means something.

You constantly reflect on your behavior

You begin to look for the cause of such aimless relationship in yourself. It seems to you that you have written something wrong or said something inappropriate. It takes a lot of energy and health. If you could not find the reason in yourself, it means that it does not exist. The reason is the reluctance of your new "friend" to develop relationships.

How to Respond to Breadcrumbing

So how to respond to breadcrumbing? The main thing is not to panic. We know what to do. This phenomenon can and must be fought. There is nothing difficult in ending a destructive relationship, although at the beginning of the path it may seem to you that this is not so.

Do not rely on the fact that everything will change and do not ignore the signs

As we have said, intuition is your best friend in this matter. Most likely, you will understand that a person is trying to use you at the initial stages of a relationship. Many people make a mistake - every day they set themselves up for the situation to change. A little hope today, a little tomorrow. Then today and tomorrow turn into weeks and months. If you feel that something is wrong, do not ignore it. Take action. Just use critical thinking - it will help you a lot.

Tell directly that you do not like this way of behavior

This option is relevant to those cases where you still want to continue the relationship. You can directly declare that this attitude does not suit you. At this stage, more than half of the people involved in breadcrumbing are eliminated. If you are lucky, your partner will draw conclusions and your communication will move to a new level. Do not be afraid to declare that you are well aware of the rules of this game and you will not allow such an attitude to your personality.

Just stop your communication

This is the most effective option. Yes, at the beginning of the article we said that ghosting is the way of the cowards. But even for this case, there are exceptions. Let's start with the fact that a person treats you wrong. Already at this stage, you should get rid of the reflection about the immorality of your actions. He or she is doing much worse. If you understand that it is difficult for you to explain to a person why you want to stop communicating, do not do it. Just disappear from the radar. Nothing bad will happen. Relief and a wonderful feeling of freedom will come to you. You will be able to continue your journey and look for a truly worthy partner.