Communication Problems in a Relationship: How to Fix It

03.10.2019

We are all different and thus, we don’t always see eye to eye when it comes to the most basic of things, even if we are talking to a person whom we love the most in the world. A person is basically just a snowball of experiences, emotions, and sometimes, people are just not able to avoid a conflict. This is why communication problems in relationships happen. You may love a person with all of your heart, but some minor things that they do or the way they live their lives and affect yours just drive you crazy. But how can you avoid such collisions and disagreements? What is the biggest communication problem? How does a union without relationship communication problems look like?

What are the most common problems with communication in a relationship?

We are all unique in the way we experience the world and even considering the fact that there are currently around seven billion people walking this Earth, you won’t find a copy of yourself or any other person out there. The types of conflicts and reasons for why they happen in the first place differ from each other. Yet, that being said, there are some common disagreements couples encounter, and they are fundamentally the same in nature while differing on the case to case basis.

Jealousy

What is the most communication problem? Jealousy is a very taxing feeling that can sometimes be quite harmless but can turn into a very destructive thing. If your partner is very jealous of you and doesn’t allow you to live your life, crosses every border of privacy, and the idea of having your own personal space seems absurd to them, then you should either seek professional help to fix your relationships or start dating new people. Fortunately, finding a decent ladies dating site is very easy nowadays. If you are sick of your relationship, and you want to date women online, then you should not fool yourself with thoughts about the potential future of your relationships.

High expectations

The second problem in communication is high expectations. High expectations can also be quite destructive in a relationship, you should love your partner as you saw them the first time. You were dating, and the person that you fell in love with, hasn’t really changed by themselves, your relationship has changed both of you. If you feel alienated, and the person that you see by your side is not the person you once loved, then it doesn’t mean that they have become worse, it means that your relationships weren’t fruitful enough for them to prosper and develop.

Weak listening skills

This may seem quite trivial and easy to some, but the ability to listen to the person you love is not as frequent in humans as you might think. The importance of this issue is that if you don’t listen to a person, then this means that you don’t really pay attention to them, you don’t care about the things they have to say. You may think that you do, but you are not paying attention to them, and you are not being honest with yourself.

Lack of empathy

Empathy is very important in relationships. The ability to feel for another person is paramount in any form of relationship, whether they are romantic, or you are just friends, or relatives. While this can be hard for some, it all depends on the experiences that you’ve had with a person, the length of your relationships, how many things you have been through together.

Signs of Communication Problems

When it comes to relationships, we often find ourselves unprepared for them. In many ways, the problem is that we don’t seem to notice the ways in which we corrode our own mutual attachment with people that we love.

1. The game of "Who is the bigger idiot”

What is it? Partners remember each other's past mistakes and keep a virtual score. If the couple can’t move on to the next stage, then the relationship turns into an endless game of “Who is a bigger idiot.” Such relationships become really tormenting.

Why is it bad? Scoring and constantly recalling the mistakes of the past leads to dissatisfaction and attempts to make the partner feel guiltier, instead of solving the problem. What should you do? Stop recalling your partner’s past mistakes. Forget about scoring. Your partner's failure that happened three years ago no longer matters. Each person is the sum of past actions, so accept them for who they are.

2. Passive aggression

What is it? Instead of talking openly about your desires and problems, the partner pushes you to the right decision and secretly takes revenge on you.

Why is it bad? This shows that you are closed when communicating with a partner. There is no excuse for passive-aggressive behavior that causes anxiety and a false sense of security. What should you do? Talk openly about your concerns and desires. And you will understand that the partner will support you.

3. Emotional blackmail

Why is it bad? This is emotional blackmail, and it creates a ton of unnecessary problems. Each small altercation swells to the size of an elephant. It is important for partners to feel that they can express their dissatisfaction without prejudice to the relationship as such. Otherwise, people suppress their feelings, which leads to distrust and manipulation.

What should you do? It is important to understand that attachment to a person and love are two different things. Partners who can calmly discuss issues without blackmailing and blaming each other strengthen relationships.

4. Blaming the partner for their own experiences

What is it? Let's say you had a lousy day. The only thing you want is to return home as soon as possible. At such moments, it is important not to vent your bad mood on your partner. It’s not their fault that everything is so bad.

Why is it bad? Blaming a partner for their own negative emotions is a subtle form of egoism and a classic example of the inability to separate the personal from the general. When you blame a partner for your own bad feelings, you set a precedent: now you and your partner will have associations between a bad mood and the actions of the other partner, although they are not connected in any way. The life of one of the partners begins to revolve around the mood of the other.

What should you do? Take responsibility for your emotions. Remember: when people feel guilty, it gives them an incentive to hide their feelings and manipulate each other.

5. Unhealthy jealousy

What is it? This is the most common communication problem in a long-distance relationship. It annoys you that the partner communicates a lot with another person. You become suspicious and try to control the partner’s activities, you check their phone, mail, social networks.

Why is it bad? Some believe that the lack of jealousy is a sign of indifference. But in fact, a jealous person creates a huge problem. It humiliates a partner, destroys a trusting relationship that may have been prospering for a long time. What should you do? Trust your partner. You have heard this already, sure, but there is no other way. Being a bit jealous is quite natural. But do not go too far. Do not humiliate your partner. You must cope with bouts of jealousy.

6. Shopping and gifts as a solution to problems

What is it? After a major quarrel, many couples do not understand the problems but try to forget about them with the help of shopping or expensive gifts.

Why is it bad? This not only puts problems in relationships in the background but also brings mercantile spirit to the relationships. What will happen if a guy takes a girl to a restaurant after each wrongdoing? This will give her an incentive to constantly make the partner guilty. The result is an irresponsible relationship, a constantly offended girl and a guy who feels like an ATM.

What should you do? Solve relationship problems. Was trust undermined? Talk about it. Is someone feeling underestimated? Listen to your partner, take action. Make contact. Gifts cannot restore confidence and a healthy atmosphere in a family. Give presents to your partner not because everything is bad, but because everything is good. But don’t try to hide your problems with gifts.

What Is Healthy Communication?

Everyone wants to love and have strong relationships. The issue is that healthy relationships differ from one another, everyone has their own ideas because all people are different. Communication is a problem in my relationship, what should I do?

You should see the following indicators that signify that your relationship is quite healthy.

• In a healthy relationship, partners listen to each other more than they speak.
• A healthy relationship is a reminder to each other about how valuable, significant, and unique a person you love is.
• In a healthy relationship, a partner never harms you intentionally, but always loves you unconditionally.
• A healthy relationship is filled with support when partners constantly encourage and push each other for things better and greater.
• Healthy relationships eliminate doubts and do not cause problems, which allows both partners to feel free and breathing fully.
• In a healthy relationship, you never project your own insecurity and weaknesses onto your partner.
• In a healthy relationship, you value and respect the close people of your partner. If your partner loves them, then they value you and the people you love.
• A healthy relationship is tenderness, kindness, attention, and constant communication with the desire to hear and understand.
• In a healthy relationship, partners always ask questions without fear of hearing the answer, and they never use this information against each other to hurt or shield themselves.
• In a healthy relationship, you care about the partner, and you are not indifferent to their physical and psychological health.
• In a healthy relationship, you are never forced to doubt your sanity, competence, and knowledge.
• A healthy relationship is independence and freedom. You know that you have each other, and the two of you are well together, but you are not going to establish unilateral rules and make unilateral demands.

How to Fix Communication Problems

Now that we know the most common communication problems in relationships, and we know how a healthy relationship looks like, let’s talk about how to fix communication problems in relationships.

Start from small things

How to fix a communication problem in a relationship? You cannot just improve your relationships in a second, it takes a long time to make any meaningful improvements. Start from small things, notice the bad habits that you have, and try to fix them. Get the imaginary earplugs out and listen to what your partner has to say, even if you feel like it’s hard. Do it, your relationships depend on your willingness to listen.

Ask each other more questions

How to solve a communication problem in a relationship? If you feel like your relationships lack communication, then there is only one way to fix it – to have more of it. If you feel like there’s nothing to talk about, then you are just used to not discussing the things that happen in your life. But, in fact, there are quite a lot of things to discuss, you should be more open, be able to listen, and be more honest with the person you love.

Make communication regular

How to fix your communication issues? You can’t just talk to your partner once and call it a day, it’s not enough, if you want to fix your communication issues and create a healthy relationship, then you have to be committed to it and open to either changing yourself or being able to talk about your partner’s issues.

Set markers on prohibited topics

How to fix a communication problem in a relationship? To avoid conflicts, you can learn from your past experiences and figure out which topics should be avoided. In general, it is preferable to establish a serious relationship with a person that you generally agree on most things, especially important topics, like religion, politics, life, relationship goals, etc. If you have encountered an issue that seems to bring out the worst of you two, then agree to disagree and avoid these topics altogether.

As you can see, a relationship can be poisoned by a lot of different factors that have to do with communication. But, not all hope should be lost in situations like that, as there are ways of rebuilding communication in a relationship, and restoring the old love that you’ve once had with your partner.