Is It OK If You're Dating Your Best Friend’s Ex?
28.11.2019
There are often situations when feelings of love and friendship collide in a confrontation. It is about when a man shows attraction and interest in the girl of his best friend. It is impossible to understand who feels worse in this story, but all three become hostages of the difficult situation.
She is the best, most beautiful, sweet and graceful. You dream about her at night, her silhouette seems at every turn. You don’t want to date women online anymore. It is simply impossible to forget her. But on the other hand, you think, "Dating my friend’s ex, I betray our friendship. My friend is real, reliable and loyal." It may seem that here it is – a real male friendship, and you don’t want to lose it. But you also like a girl and don’t want to lose her too. So, what to do?
It Is Always Ok If You Are Dating Your Best Friend's Ex?
As you know, you can’t command the heart – this one of the popular sayings about dating your best friends ex. Therefore, the situation when a man likes a friend’s ex-girlfriend is played out not only in love series but also often happens in life. Friendship of men is often called more durable than the friendship of women because if it comes to real friends, men tend to be more consistent than women. You can talk for a long time about the “ethics” of male friendship, but yet, a rather delicate situation, when a man falls in love with his friend’s ex-girlfriend instead of visiting a single ladies' site to find a soulmate, can put friendly ties under attack.
Can I date my best friend’s ex? Yes, you can! The most important thing that psychologists advise men to do is to soberly look at the situation, not succumbing to love obsession. Clearly define for yourself what exactly you feel for a friend’s ex: is it romantic but fleeting love, a banal attraction or a deep feeling? Determining this is quite difficult, and in any other situation, you wouldn’t even have thought but simply enjoyed new feelings. But in a situation of falling in love with the friend’s ex, this is very important.
Do I need to tell a friend about this relationship?
Before you share your feelings with a friend, consider the following: you will not be able to take your words back. If you are not one hundred percent sure that you will be understood correctly, you shouldn’t talk about it. But if you decide to confess a woman that you like her, your friend should also know about it. There is nothing wrong if you are dating your best friends ex. They are exes, after all.
Before you start a conversation, answer your question: why are you doing this? Should I date my best friend ex? If you are sure that an honest conversation with a friend will help solve the problem, then do as you seem nice. Otherwise, your words may lead to the fact that all of you will suffer. But if you are sure that the friend’s ex is your soulmate, then you should fight for it. Don’t hope that this fight will be pleasant. The most important thing is to fight precisely for her love, and not to become her temporary lover. But in any case, be ready to lose relations with your friend forever. So, think a hundred times what is more important for you – love or friendship.
How to Start Dating Your Friend’s Ex
Even if you are crazy about her, it will be nice to understand first what motivates you. After all, life is a complicated thing and seemingly ordinary actions can have secret reasons. If you understand that she is the only one you are looking for, then, do the following:
Be honest with yourself
It’s worth considering: how are you going to stay friends now when his ex is your girlfriend? Can you be honest with him? Would you like to discuss your relationship? Will you stay as close as before? Once your friend was in love with her, did these feelings go away? Will you be jealous of these two to each other? What if there is something between your new girlfriend and your friend. Are you ready for this? Think over all the pros and cons before you plunge into a relationship.
Talk to your friend
What to do if you are dating your best friends ex? To begin with, it would be nice to talk about this with a friend. Firstly, make sure that he has no feelings for her. It happens that people broke up but love didn’t die, and it would hurt to see them together.
Don’t keep her past in mind
Of course, you want to know why they broke up because you think, “I’m dating my best friend’s ex-girlfriend, I can know it.” But don’t do it. Leave their mistakes for them. It is in the past. If the girl is good, then why not date her? People are different. She just didn’t match your friend. Take the time to focus on strengthening your relationships, and then you can increase your self-esteem and move on.
Ask about her motives
Dating your best friends ex if your friend dumped her, it would be nice to delve into her motives. Why did she pay attention to you? Is it because you are a friend of her ex? Or did she find attractive qualities in you? Are you sure that she has a real feeling? Or is it a desire to raise self-esteem, having seduced a friend of her ex? What if you shouldn’t spend time on this woman?
Respect their personal boundaries
Continue communicating with your new girlfriend and friend but don’t insist if they don’t want to spend time together. Yes, you will celebrate some parties or birthdays without one of them. Dating your best friend's ex, respect the right of everyone to their space. These two have to decide for themselves how often they want to see each other.
Main Rules If You Date Your Best Friend Ex
Many say that they will never date my best friends ex. They sincerely believe that this is wrong, dishonest towards them and that if a friend did this to them, they would stop communication with them at all. They believe that this is part of a universal code of friendship. But this rule is not always enforceable. So, if you are dating a friend’s ex, some don’ts can’t be violated.
Don’t slander
Depending on the circumstances that led to a breakup, they may experience anger and resentment towards each other. If you communicate with both of them and see that they are not very upset because of what happened, anyway, behave respectfully. You should show respect even when talking with other people about your friend and a new girlfriend. Don’t gossip or speak negatively about each of them. Say something positive or at least neutral.
Don’t remind about past relationships
Talking about past relationships, both of you make a very big mistake. A rush of frankness in this matter can cause serious deterioration of relationships, up to their complete break. Why did it happen? If you talk about the past quite often, then your partner will think that your thoughts (no matter good or bad) are not occupied by her but by someone else and vice versa.
Recognize the past, but don’t dwell on it
Yes, she once met your friend, but everything is different now. However, you shouldn’t raise this question every time, and it is better not to ask her about relations with her ex at all. Instead, let her clearly understand that you have no prejudice and are ready to accept her past as if she is any other girl who you might accidentally meet in a bar, at an exhibition, or on the Internet.
Don’t ask her to compare
People often make a mistake that leads them to loneliness, despite the diversity of the world. They ask to compare them with those whom they once loved, whom they once built strong relationships with, whom they hoped and thought they would forever remain together. Don’t ask your woman if you are better, smarter, more experienced than her ex, and so on. Even if you win this contest, you will always feel lousy.
Don’t rush
Nowadays, many people are being forced to get closer to their partners before they are ready for this. If you don’t want to rush into a relationship, then there is absolutely no need to worry – this is absolutely normal. Set reasonable boundaries and clearly tell your partner about your desires to control the speed of development of relations. Proceed to the next level only after you are ready for this.
Respect her and your friend
Most often, a loving man tries to spend all his free time with the loved one. In this scenario, there is very little time left for friends, and people begin to move away from each other, especially if he falls in love with a friend’s ex. But the fact that you like your friend’s ex-girlfriend shouldn’t affect your relationship with him or her. Therefore, don’t stop communicating. “My best friend is dating my ex” – for some men it is unacceptable. Of course, if you are ready to fight for this relationship, despite all the difficulties, and you are sure that your heart is open only to her, then talk to your friend. What if he understands you and wishes you happiness? If no, then don’t pay attention to all prejudices and listen only to your heart.
