Meeting her parents: how to behave?

23.12.2019

To find a common language with the parents of your beloved person is both a difficult and interesting task. It is not that easy as it might seem at first glance, but, nonetheless, it is fascinating. For those who are not afraid to communicate and seek to find a special approach to each person, meeting your girlfriend’s parents is a great chance to test yourself and show your skills. However, most men are not too interested in psychological research, and an acquaintance, as well as further communication with the girl’s parents, is more of an annoying necessity than an opportunity to somehow express themselves.

Anyway, sooner or later, you will have to meet the parents of the girlfriend you have relationships with. Often, women even use real blackmail to arrange this event. And therefore, if your girlfriend is not particularly to your liking, and you consider your relationship temporary, then maybe it’s time to visit a ladies dating site and find someone special.

After all, if a girl has started talking about such a meeting, then it means that the duration of your relationship, as well as its happiness, will depend on it. However, a conversation with the girl’s parents does not oblige you to anything. This is only a sign of respect. Quite often, a young lady does not immediately inform her parents about her relationship, and when it happens, it is natural that her parents want to get acquainted with her partner, for example, at a girlfriend's birthday party.

Why Are Guys Afraid of Meeting Gf Parents?

In any relationship between a man and a woman, there are more than enough reasons for reflection and anxiety. And, unfortunately, a rare couple is used to calmly and constructively clarifying the exciting issues. More often partners keep silent about their doubts. They confuse the clarification of relationships, which leads to rapprochement and improvement of mutual understanding, with a showdown, which, on the contrary, is more likely to result in even greater distancing and separation.

It is one of the most common issues for young couples who have not officially registered their relationship yet. It happens that a man rejects meeting gf parents, but he does not give reasons.

Of course, it happens that there are obvious and weighty reasons for this, but they are not always talked about. The psychology of love and friendly relationships is such that honesty is required from both sides. Every woman wants to find out the root cause of why her man does not want further development of the relationship because, in any case, meeting girlfriend's parents is an inevitable and important part of it. So, why a man can be afraid of meeting her parents?

• If their relationship is in the early stages, and a girl already wants to introduce the bf to her parents, the man can be afraid of such a rapid development of relationships.
• It may be that a man simply does not want a continuation of their relationships. He might perceive the girl just as a sexual object and is afraid to move their relationships to a new level.
• Partners can be too young to take such serious steps as meeting their parents. According to surveys, a young man is simply afraid to meet the girl’s father because he is afraid that her dad will not like him. Let's be honest, meeting the parents for the first time is not the most pleasant process, given that not all people are charismatic and open to communication. It’s rather an awkward and embarrassing event.
• A very common reason is the fear of being assessed incorrectly. This meeting should not be aimed at showing parents a partner. A man is afraid to turn into a museum piece. He just doesn’t want to be told, “You are not for our smart and charming daughter,” “Look how terrible your beard is,” “Why are you bald?” etc.

How to Prepare for Meeting Her Parents

Everybody knows that a good first impression cannot be made twice. That is why many men are very worried when the time comes to meet the girl’s parents for the first time: what if her mother or father does not like me? Of course, a lot will depend on your behavior but not everything, for example, it is hardly possible to please a person who "rejects" all partners of their child indiscriminately. You should know how to meet your girlfriend's parents and find an approach to them since it may turn out that the usual ways that will help you make a positive impression on any person will not work. Let’s find out several simple tips that will help you easily get along with your partner's parents.

Ask basic information about them

To get acquainted with the girl’s parents is almost the same as to have an interview in a big company. You don’t go to the company without knowing its working conditions, the location of the company’s office as well as your potential salary, do you? So, it’s also not worth coming to meet the girl’s parents without any preparation. You need to know the marital status of the spouses, whether they are divorced, whether this is a second committed relationship, will you meet her father or stepfather, what other relatives will there be, whether there is a grandmother/ grandfather, and, of course, their names. And who said it would be easy? Besides, it is worth to be curious about the hobbies of her parents since this info will help you come up with meeting the parents gift ideas. Attention to their interests will show parents that you are not a superficial person.

Find out about their values and preferences

Older people tend to get annoyed by certain words and actions that don’t correspond to their values and preferences, so it’s better to be prepared beforehand. It can be completely unexpected things, for example, they believe that certain outfits are not suitable for such meetings. It can be about some of your habits that you don’t want to part with. Alas, you will have to do that at least in the presence of parents.

To find a common language with parents, you should abandon actions that may annoy them. This will significantly defuse the situation and not give rise to controversy. Communicating and finding a common language is much easier in a calm and relaxed atmosphere.

Take care about your look in advance

This advice cannot be considered innovative, but it deserves a place on this list. The first impression is always very important at any meeting. Most people stick to their first opinion about a person, so you shouldn’t put on wrinkled shirts, shorts or dirty shoes. You don’t know what to wear to meet the parents? Dress neatly and not frivolously: shirts, polos, jeans, neutral T-shirts. If you don’t have a posh beard, then you should be shaved, moms like it. Jeans and other trousers should be ironed. But do not dress too well, for example, a suit will not be the best meeting the parents outfit if your meeting doesn’t take place in a luxury restaurant. The statement, “Clothes count for first impressions” is an axiom that is relevant even today.

Choose a 'meeting the parents gift'

If you are invited to their house, then it will be not superfluous to prepare a meeting the parents gift. It can be a pretty ordinary present like a bunch of flowers and a bottle of an alcoholic beverage that meets their preferences and tastes. However, you can go further and, having found out about the hobbies of her parents, choose something to their liking. Perhaps the girl’s father is fond of arranging a summer cottage, then you can buy a book on landscape design. It can become one of the greatest gifts for girlfriends dad. And if her mom is obsessed with baking, you can present an original form for cookies. This thoughtful approach to choosing a gift for your girlfriend’s parents will show them that you have serious intentions. Such an approach will help generate sympathy for you because you have found out their preferences in advance.

How to Behave When Meeting Her Parents

Meeting her parents for the first time can make you feel anxiety and embarrassment even more than the first date. You should be the best version of yourself, but at the same time, remain natural. Of course, you want to win these people over and get them on your side, but you shouldn’t try too hard to do it. You should just find a common language or at least not cause hostility. Let’s take a closer look at tips on how to behave properly when meeting your girlfriend's parents to make a good impression.

1. Be sincerely interested in their hobbies

Some representatives of the older generation believe that modern youth is not interested in anything “normal.” You can’t even try to explain to such convinced conservatives what, for example, base jumping, graffiti or alternative rock are. Hobbies of the girl’s parents are usually simple: gardening, construction, needlework. It is hardly possible to deal with such conservatism, but it can be turned in your favor. Find out what your gf’s parents are keen on and show sincere interest in these hobbies. This is a sure way to win their hearts, gain favor and find a common language with them.

2. Be polite and don’t forget about the age gap

Such an “immortal” thing as ordinary politeness will help establish relationships with the closest people of your girlfriend. Even if you are used to fooling around, and such an attitude does not offend most people, you should still try to restrain yourself when communicating with her parents: you can easily offend an older person even with a good joke. Besides, be wise and always remember about your age gap: do not blame the girl’s parents for not knowing something. Such an approach will allow you to avoid quarrels and scandals.

3. Be yourself

You should neither exaggerate your achievements nor tell about imaginary hobbies or prestigious but nonexistent work. It may turn out that your girl’s father is well versed in painting, which you named your biggest passion a few seconds ago, although you don’t understand anything about it. A happy parent will pick up your favorite topic and will start plying you with all sorts of specific terms and simultaneously arranging a real exam. Do you need it? The best thing you can do is to show your true self.

4. Don’t show your superiority

Even if the girl’s parents are of a lower social status than your mom and dad, you should not show this with your dismissive behavior. These people brought up the person whom you have fallen in love with. They are worthy of your respect at least for that. So, there is no need to demonstrate your superiority or show how big the social gap between you is.

5. Ask to show their photo album

A wonderful request that will slightly lighten the mood and create a relaxed atmosphere may be viewing their family photo albums. Such a seemingly banal thing really brings together and removes the unnecessary tension. Also, you can ask how your girlfriend’s parents met when you will be halfway through the meeting. Pleasant memories that are associated with wonderful feelings always make people kinder and softer. A few things make couples talk about themselves and questions about their first meeting are among them. In such romantic conversations, feelings for each other are manifested. Her parents’ relationships can seriously affect you, so observing their communication style will give you a lot of information to think about.

6. Behave confidently, calmly and freely

This is just an acquaintance, which, in fact, does not oblige you to anything. Tell them a little about yourself and your family, but don’t overdo it. Excessive trying to please can ruin everything. You should better remain yourself. Individuality and simplicity always evoke human sympathy. And it’ll be nice to add a little humor to the conversation. Laughter and smile act as an automatic mood-lifter for everyone present.

7. Prepare some conversation topics

There is nothing worse than an awkward silence in the first minutes of acquaintance. Therefore, you should better prepare several themes to smooth out awkward moments. It is always good to ask a lot of questions and be interested in family life, but do not go too far. You should also be prepared for unexpected questions about your work, family, social status and interests. Standard topics for conversation include your work, sports, family, films, traveling, pets. You just need to find out if people really like to discuss it. You should better forget about politics, religion, money, and black humor.

Main Mistake When Meeting Girlfriend's Parents

Now you have already known how to talk to your girlfriend's parents and what themes to discuss, but you should also find out what mistakes can become crucial and mess up the meeting. We have prepared a small list of things that are of great importance when it comes to meeting your girlfriend’s parents.

Don’t show aggression

You should not be aggressive, even if something has hurt your feelings during the conversation. Sometimes unpleasant things can be said by chance or unknowingly, so you shouldn’t focus on this and aggravate the situation. You can simply change the topic, which makes you feel uncomfortable. Besides, you should not be too active in expressing feelings for your girlfriend. Frequent and long kisses, as well as hugs, can cause embarrassment.

Don't be rude

If you are sarcastic by nature and like to make fun of your soul mate, then be careful in the presence of her mom and dad. There is nothing wrong with the fact that you like to joke from time to time. Perhaps your girlfriend’s parents have a good sense of humor, but everything should be in moderation, so don’t walk on the edge. Even the most innocuous jokes can be perceived by some people as very rude and disrespectful. At the first meeting, try to find out as much as possible about your girlfriend’s family.

Come up with your dating story beforehand

Some parents may be interested in your first meeting with their daughter. It is better to discuss the version with your girlfriend in advance, perhaps she has already told her dad and mom her option, in which the nightclub turned into a library, and the cocktail party became an intellectual conversation. In any case, you shouldn’t share any intimate details. Her parents will hardly be pleased to hear that you were seduced by the ultra-short mini skirt of their daughter.

The End of the Meeting

To leave on time is also an art. Don’t run away immediately after lunch or tea drinking. However, you shouldn’t stay for too long as well. Choose the right moment when her parents will be pleased with your conversation and get answers to their questions. Let them know about your desire to leave. Say goodbye politely and be sure to thank them for their hospitality. Let them know that you were happy to meet your beloved one’s parents.