What Are Expectations In A Relationship

15.05.2023

How to release expectations in a relationship? Tell me, has it ever happened in your life when a person did not behave the way you would like? Psychologists call this the high expectations syndrome.

Of course, sometimes there is a great desire to anticipate the behavior of our loved ones, but this can ruin our connection with them and, at the same time, our mood.

Why do we feel disappointed when having expectations in a relationship do not come true, and how to overcome these negative feelings in order to preserve the most precious thing - connections with loved ones?

The danger of expectations in relationships

Why are we disappointed when expectations are not met?

When a person has certain expectations of how someone else will behave, there is a very high risk of disappointment.

The syndrome of high expectations is responsible for these feelings, which also brings with it anger due to the fact that things didn’t go the way you wanted. Complexes can also arise in such conditions.

The fact is that all people are different, so it is almost impossible to predict the behavior of anyone, even a well-known one. And if you still try to idealize a person unfamiliar to us, then there is every chance to quickly become disillusioned with him and greatly ruin your connection with him.

What happens to the psyche when expectations are not met?

When our expectations are not met, severe discomfort can immediately arise, which can significantly spoil the mood and well-being of a person.

Also, high expectations can lead to the fact that you will unconsciously try to change the other person so that he meets all the parameters of ideality. However, this can be inconvenient for him since his happiness parameters may differ from yours, and this is absolutely normal.

Therefore, it is worth trying to accept a person as he is since you began to communicate with him because you feel good together. This is called managing expectations in relationships. It is better to keep spreading happiness rather than expectations and disappointments.

Should you have expectations in a relationship?

First of all, you should just talk to the person and find out his vision of the situation. It is likely that he can perceive what happened completely differently, and everything is not so critical.

It is also important to accept the fact that if you do something, then it is only your choice, and no one should do something like that. That is, if you perform some kind of romantic act in a connection, then you need to understand that you are doing this only out of love for another person. Otherwise, it signals high expectations in a relationship.

If you expect something in return, then there is a great risk of building an unhealthy connection or even destroying them with eternal disappointment.

What to do with unrealistic expectations in relationships?

Try to learn to look objectively at the world around you and the actions of loved ones.

In addition, it is essential to rely only on one's own strength and not expect anyone to help in this or that situation. This will help you get rid of stress when something goes wrong, as well as keep the situation only under your control.

Even if someone has always helped you before, you should not compare the person who is now nearby with this person. Perhaps he will support you in a different way.

But the most important thing is to realize that setting expectations in a relationship do not bring happiness to anyone - neither you nor the people around you. Therefore, just try to catch happiness in every moment of your life, even if it seems that not everything is so sunny.

Perhaps these vital clouds will disperse - and a rainbow will appear in your sky. Who knows what might happen tomorrow?

However, if you feel that unjustified expectations do not give you rest and prevent you from living in peace, then you should contact a specialist who can help you understand yourself and learn to accept the world as it is.

Unhealthy relationship expectations

For as long as you can remember, all life, you have dreamed of a prince on a white horse. You adored all those prince movies where there was always a happy ending. Of course, your love story should be the same, right?

Unfortunately, real life is not a movie. You may have managed to find your prince, but somehow the “happy ending” does not add up.

Everyone enters into a connection with their own expectations. Having your own standards and hoping your partner lives up to them is okay. However, some expectations are simply unfair.

To be happy in a connection, every woman must let go of these expectations.

• Equal connections. There is nothing wrong with equality. You and your loved one should be equal partners, striving for the same goal. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Someone had a bad day, so the second partner had to take over. It must be admitted that sometimes your beloved man can be rude and unhappy. And you will have to show patience and kindness. This does not mean that you are not loved. This means you need to show a little more love for a man on this day than usual. Also, it is rather difficult (if not impossible) to evenly distribute household responsibilities, income, and child care. Instead of waiting for absolute equality, negotiate fair and realistic terms. And always be ready to do something extra for each other and that will be good expectations in a relationship.

• Our connection will make me happy. This statement cannot be called completely wrong; rather, it is not finished. Your love should bring you happiness (you definitely shouldn't be unhappy in a connection). However, it is important to understand that connections work, and various obstacles can be encountered along the way. Connections won't fix all your problems, but this is a common misconception. Falling in love is wonderful, wonderful, but it is not the solution to all problems. Women will still have some problems even if they are loved by an amazing man. If a woman enters into a connection with this expectation, she will be greatly disappointed.

• He will always remain a handsome prince. It's so cute when a man comes up to you, picks you up, and starts circling. He knows what to do, but he can't always stay like that. He will also have bad days (just like you), so it would be unfair to expect him to always behave perfectly. It will not always be spontaneous and romantic. But what's good about a connection is that you both make a promise to love each other through sorrow and joy. He's still charming, but he won't be the man you met years ago. And you change too, which is great!

• He must love everything that I do. What are expectations in a relationship? It's always great when you and your loved one share interests and hobbies. Unfortunately, the probability of finding a person whose interests will be 100% the same as yours is small. Perhaps you don’t like everything about his hobbies, and that’s okay. In order to fall in love with each other, it is not necessary to be fond of the same thing.

• Everything will change as soon as we get married. Albert Einstein once remarked, “Men marry women in the hope that they will never change. Women are getting married, hoping that a man will change. Both are invariably disappointed." Over time, your love and connection will change, but the wedding ceremony alone will not turn your fiancé into the man you would like to see. He will remain himself, so expecting him to change after you utter the cherished words will only lead to disappointment.

What are reasonable expectations in a relationship? Both men and women have their own expectations, which is completely natural. You don't need to give up all your standards, but you need to be more realistic and fair. As soon as you learn to love a person with all his shortcomings, then you will find happiness.

List of realistic expectations in a relationship

healthy expectations in a relationship will make them last longer and make you happier. In this way, you can avoid disappointment in the future by not getting into the connection that you have been waiting for all along. You may feel like you are in control of other aspects of your life, but when you are in a connection, you should always think about the other person.

• Accept your flaws if you really care about him. When you love someone, acceptance of all their shortcomings naturally comes. You have to get rid of the idea of "perfection" and acknowledge that we humans have annoying tendencies. Of course, there will be times when these pesky habits really start bothering you more than necessary. And the more time you spend together, the more their flaws will stand out. But don't let that scare you. The more you love him, the more you'll like his flaws, and perhaps that's what draws you rather than turns you away.

• Stop comparing with others. What are your expectations in a relationship? When you start comparing your new boyfriend to people you've dated in the past, you create unrealistic expectations that won't come true. There is an ideal man in your head with certain qualities and a certain way, but he is not a reality. If you look for your ex in every potential boyfriend, you will never be satisfied with the connection. You can't live up to those expectations, and you certainly shouldn't expect him to be someone he isn't. Every new guy has potential. Don't risk anything special for a man no longer in your life. You should let go of people from the past and start giving new guys a chance. This is how you move forward.

• You should have more realistic expectations in a connection. What to expect from a relationship? At the beginning of a connection, your boyfriend will probably do things to impress you. He'll buy you flowers, invite you to dinner, and make romantic gestures to let you know he's interested. Once you are comfortable with each other, he will stop doing these things so often. Not everyone is romantic, and you have to consider that he has other ways to show you that he cares about you. Maybe you are one of those people who don't always know what to say and when. But you can't expect him to be a mind reader, so if something is bothering you, just be open about it and tell him. If he loves you, it shouldn't matter much.

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