Having two girlfriends at the same time

19.07.2018

If your ultimate goal is a long-term committed relationship, be ready that you’ll go a long way to achieve that. You’ll date a great many women before you finally land the right girl. Yes, that special someone can be found only through active dating. Well, some lucky ones manage to meet their Mrs. Right quite soon, but most men have to explore the dating pool for quite a while.

Online dating apps and sites are the major matchmakers today. They promote nonstop dating, as they offer a lot of potential dates. Even on a date with a decent woman who seems to be a good match, you can’t stop thinking that there are other women, better women you haven’t met yet. That’s why you go out three times a week with different girls. Some guys even dare to date two girls in one day. All this is because of the embarrassment of choice dating services create. Is it possible and morally okay to date several women in parallel? Let’s gain insight into this phenomenon.

Why do guys date more than one woman?

Have you ever watched The Bachelor, a popular reality show where a single man is dating multiple women? The show is some kind of parallel universe, because a rare woman would be willing to date a man who has 20 other dates, and she knows all of them. Every woman wants to be exclusive for her man. Well, there are open relationships and polyamorous relationships, where people don’t hide their love affairs from their regular partners, but that’s another case. In reality, both men and women sometimes do practice dating multiple people at once, but they conceal the truth from each of their dates.

Which is more common: women dating two guys at once or men dating two girls at the same time? It’s life, so it often happens among both genders. If you read women’s forums, you’ll see that women despise men dating two women at once. At the same time, if a woman writes on a forum that she dates two men simultaneously and can’t choose with whom to stay, she usually gets compassionate comments saying that she is just “a poor confused girl”.

Basically, there are two main reasons why a man may be dating two girls at once. First, it’s when he is a dating rather than relationship kind of person, so for him, the more women the better. Second, it’s when one day he goes on a date with one girl and falls for her, then on the next day he goes out with another girl and realizes he likes this girl no less than the previous one. He decides to keep dating both of them and see where it goes. Of course, none of the girls would like to find out about such a situation. But if a man does everything right and observes the rules of dating two women at once, neither of them will ever know.

Dating two people at once: how to make it work

If you want to continue dating two women, you should know that women, in general, have a very developed intuition and are very insightful. Someday, one of them might express her suspicions and ask you directly about another girl. However, if you’re cautious enough, you can avoid this kind of talk. So, how to keep your double romantic affairs secret? Here are the most essential tips: Arrange dates on different days and in different places. If you live in a big city, it’s quite easy to stick to this rule. Never show up with one of your dates in those places where you hang out with the other one. When you decide on a venue, think about the possibility of running into some of your girlfriend’s acquaintances.

Keep the distance. Make each of your dates crave a meeting with you. For this, be an interesting person who is nice to talk to but a bit unavailable. Call your ladies no more than 2-3 times a week. Go out with each of them once a week. This is the most comfortable schedule: you’ll have time for each of them, and each of them will be looking forward to your next date.

Keep your house clean. If you spend some of your dates at your place, make sure it’s free from any women’s stuff that can compromise you. Girls like to “forget” things at your place to test your faithfulness.

Get a wingman. Dating two women at once, you’ll need someone to get your back when you need to explain your behavior to one of your dates. It can be another couple or your cousin that would confirm your words when it’s needed.

Be careful with your phone. Ideally, you should have separate phones and leave the one through which you stay in touch with one girl at home when you’re on a date with the other one. It’s an awkward moment when in the middle of a date your phone rings, and you see the name of your girlfriend on the display and so does your current date. Or when you hastily leave the table and go talk to the other girl. It’s a very suspicious behavior, so consider the idea of having two phones.

Control yourself to avoid any telltale marks. Such things as hickeys and scratches draw women’s attention at once. So, you should keep your body clear otherwise you’ll have a hard time explaining to your other girlfriend where you get that hickey or bite.

Think how to escape celebrating a holiday. There are some important dates and holidays that romantic partners are supposed to celebrate together. In your situation, you can’t celebrate a particular occasion with both ladies. That’s why it’s important to have a plausible excuse to be away on that day. It can be an urgent visit to your parents or helping your sister. Another idea to escape a date with one of your girlfriends is to quarrel with one before that occasion and then make up after it.

Know how to react if you bump into one walking with the other. Even if you usually meet with your dates in the opposite parts of the city, you should be ready for an unexpected encounter. Be cool and act naturally. If you walk down the street with one of your dates and suddenly you see your date number two on your way, don’t freak out. Introduce the girls to one another and keep on walking. Later, explain to each of them personally that was your colleague.

Don’t brag about your love adventures. As practice shows, people prove to be really bad at keeping secrets. You tell your friend about your girlfriends and then after a conflict, he or she decides to expose you to one of your dates. That’s why it’s better to keep such things to yourself.

Be cautious and neither of your dates will realize that she is not the only one. And you’ll get enough time to get to know each of them and finally make your choice in someone’s favor or dismiss both. If you’re dating multiple girls just for fun, your relationships shouldn’t last long. It’s advisable to peacefully dump both of them after 3-5 weeks of dating.

Dating two girls at once: what to expect?

Many guys dream of having multiple dates, but not all of them are able to overcome all the challenges associated with it, so only a few give it a try. A situation when you go out with several girls may be just a coincidence and a temporary thing. But it can be a lifestyle for some men. While in the first case you can keep it secret for a while before you realize which girl will go with you to the next level, in the latter case, you should come clean from the start. You’ll be surprised – many girls are okay with open relationships. Being honest, you’ll keep yourself and your dates from wasting precious time.

Anyway, you should be aware of the benefits and downsides of dating several people at a time.

Pros:

• You improve your communication and dating skills.
• You avoid getting too focused on one woman. Men tend to idolize their only dates, expect too much and get nothing in the long run. It appears to be very frustrating.
• You can see and compare how each of your women responds to your treatment. This way, you learn to understand women better and realize which girl is a better fit for you.
• If one of the girls decides to dump you after a first date, you have the other one to continue dating.
• You learn to embrace rejection. If one girl turns you down, it’s not a problem – there are plenty of fish in the sea. The dating pool is overcrowded these days, so better dates are waiting for you.

Cons:

• You have to lie a lot and come up with excuses.
• Spending twice as much time, money, and energy.
• You may confuse names or forget what you said to one girl and what you said to the other. And this may put you in awkward situations.
• You’re losing inner peace due to the fear of being exposed or giving yourself away.
• In terms of morality, you may feel pangs of conscience, especially if you start experiencing stronger feelings for one of the girls.

In an era of online dating, the first phase of dating usually takes place online. If we call ‘dating’ everything that happens before two people start calling each other a boyfriend and a girlfriend, then those initial dialogs two people have online before they go out on a real date can be considered dating. At this stage, men dating multiple women and women dating several men are absolutely normal phenomena. Dating experts even advise to have many virtual dates. This way you increase your chances of landing your soul mate. And this is where you don’t have to conceal anything – all people using dating service realize that you may be corresponding with many other users apart from them.

The important thing is not to get confused. While in real life you may forget which one of your dates told you this or that thing, in the realm of online dating, you can always scroll through your chat and see what you were talking about with a particular person. Also, when you bring it offline with several girls, it is recommended to check their profiles and even make some notes in order not to make a blunder and ruin a date.

When it comes to real-life dates, you can’t date two girls simultaneously for too long. Sooner or later, you have to make a decision, especially if your aim is to get exclusive with someone. Most likely, after a couple of dates with each woman, you’ll realize with whom you’d like to continue your relationship. It would be unfair to date two ladies for months, keeping your double life in secret. If one of them finds out, it will be very frustrating for her.

Once you try dating two people at the same time, it can get into a habit. It’s easy to become a player and get obsessed with that thrill of secrecy. You may also quickly get tired of the dating game and find yourself burned out. If you feel that you’re stuck in your game, take a break from this dating carousel. Honesty is the best policy, so once you’ve realized you want to be exclusive with this woman, be honest with the other one and put an end to that relationship.