Most Common Reasons Why Relationships Fail and How to Avoid It
10.06.2020
It is pretty obvious that when both men and women seek romantic relationships, they don't expect that everything may go wrong. For example, if a girl is not interested in a serious commitment, then it will be clear for everyone around her that she doesn't want a relationship. This is why people always discuss what they expect and want from their new relationship. However, even this approach sometimes doesn't help, and people break up. Why? How is this possible that two partners, who generally like each other, want to spend their lives together, but can't build a healthy relationship?
Needless to say, how important it is to understand that all couples are different. People meet under different circumstances, and even the best site to meet women can't guarantee absolutely perfect matches. Hence, every couple may have their own problems in relationships. However, statistically speaking, people break up, mostly due to the same reasons. Hence, if you know about these reasons and will be willing to deal with them, then it won't be that hard for you to save your relationship. Stay tuned to learn why relationships fail and how to prevent this from happening.
What is the average percentage of relationships that fail
It is not a secret that we all dream about having a committed relationship. After all, a relationship, with a person who truly loves you, is a great source of joy and motivates new to have accomplishments. Often, happy relationships serve as the foundation of stability and happiness in life. When you have someone you love on your side, it becomes much easier to deal with life's difficulties and problems. Sadly, the percentage of relationships that fail is pretty huge. Hence according to ESA, almost 40 percent of married couples get divorced. Needless to say that the percentage of breakups among unmarried couples is even higher.
The relationship fails - who is guilty when it happens
It is true that due to the diversity of people, there can be many reasons why relationships fail. Furthermore, in the majority of cases, relationships fail because couples have systematic problems, and there can be a whole set of factors that eventually led to breakups. Also, it is normal that when relationships fail, people begin to search for those reasons. However, this search may have terrible consequences. You see, it is true that only a small percentage of people remain friends after a failed attempt to build a relationship. However, when people begin to dig their past relationships and start blaming each other for being guilty in such an inglorious end.
Both partners must understand that relationships require constant work, unselfishness, commitment, desire to grow, willingness to change, and self-awareness. But why do relationships fail? A relationship fails when both partners are not ready to actually work on their relationship. Hence, there is no point in searching for those who are guilty because both partners are. When both partners are ready to work on their relationship, they will get through all ups and downs. However, rest assured that your relationship will be permanently damaged if you or your partner are not interested in investing in it. While you definitely need to know the main reasons why do relationships fail to know what killed your relationship, but it is better to avoid blaming each other.
Why do relationships fail: reasons and methods of prevention
So, why do most relationships fail? This is the most important question for those who are planning to have a serious relationship. In this part of the article, we are going to list the top reasons relationships fail. Also, we provide explanations on how exactly do those problems may ruin a relationship, and give advice on how to deal or prevent this problem.
1. Problems with trust
This one is the most popular reason why relationships fail nowadays. This is due to the fact that it includes many other aspects such as jealousy, emotional infidelity, safety and security, and many other factors. Also, this problem can progress very fast due to modern means of communication. For example, it is very easy to suspect your partner of cheating if his or her phone constantly receives messages in different messengers, especially if he or she put a password on their phone. With time this problem grows so big, so people simply can't take each other anymore. Thus, they break up.
If you feel that you, in your current relationship, experience the lack of trust or that it was the main reason why your previous one ended bad, then you should immediately take steps to resolve it. First of all, if you don't fully trust your partner, then there are definitely some topics that make you feel that way. So, begin with a discussion of those topics, try to find common ground. Then, agree that honesty is the most important part of your relationship and that it will be much easier for you to live together if you never lie. Even little white lies should be forbidden.
2. False expectation
It may sound very unexpected, but false expectations often serve as the main reason relationships fail. It is normal that when partners enter a committed relationship, they both have some expectations. However, quite often, people are not ready to face the fact that those expectations may be false. You see, when you date someone, even for a very long time, some aspects of his or her nature remain hidden from you. Things drastically change when you begin to live together. When this happens, the full truth reveals very soon, and not everyone is ready to deal with it.
We distinguish two stages of this problem: the initial and the final stage. The initial stage is when you date each other, but don't live together. The final stage is when you decide to get married or live together in a committed relationship. Hence, to deal with this problem on the initial stage, you simply need to discuss all possible matters with your partner. For example, you can ask them how many kids they want, what they think about smoking, and other potentially important matters for you. In turn, in the final stage, it is too late to prepare each other for everything. So, the only option you both have if you want to save your relationship is to adapt to each other. Exchange your ideas and ways, and then try to find a balance that will suit both of you.
3. Different paces of life
Different paces of life often serve as reasons why a healthy from the first glance relationship fails. If one partner learns and grows much faster than the other one, it may become a serious problem for their relationship. It is not a big problem if one partner is more successful with his or her career, but it will become one if they have different desires and goals. For example, while one partner wants to improve their living conditions, and the other one just tends to stay stagnating at home. In this case, social and professional circles of both partners will begin to diverge. Pretty soon, partners will feel very different.
The only way to resolve this problem is to monitor your motivation. Remember, it is not okay when one partner constantly works on something, while the other one just procrastinates and stagnates. Hence, if you are an active partner, then try to have a conversation with your procrastinating partner until it is too late. You may be able to find ways to motivate him or her, and thus you will resolve this issue. At the same time, if you are the procrastinating partner, then you need to immediately search for motivation to achieve more in your life. Don't wait until tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. You need to start moving right now.
4. You don’t feel that you are compatible
The question of compatibility in relationships is huge and diverse. It is possible to write a whole article about it. The reason for this is that it covers almost every aspect of your life. For example, you may be incompatible in styles of your attachment, may have different temperaments, have different views on this life, and may not even feel the same when it comes to intimacy. This is not the kind of problem that leads to serious quarrels. However, every single incompatibility significantly decreases the overall quality of your relationship and love.
The main problem here is that it is very hard to deal with this problem. You see, you will have to adapt to each other, and this will require changing your ways. As you have guessed, this is not going to be very fast and easy. Hence, if you have found yourself in a relationship with rather incompatible with your partner, then you need to carefully evaluate all pros and cons of dating this person. If you truly love each other, then your efforts won't be in vain, and with time, you will deal with incompatibilities in your relationship.
5. Problems in communication
And again, problems in communication are among the most obvious reasons why a relationship fails. It is very easy to see it both from the inside and outside of the relationship. Unfortunately, even though people understand that this is a problem, they still can't resolve it. Hence, their quarrels become more and more frequent and far more painful. As you have guessed, this will inevitably lead to breakups. Communication issues may take many various forms. For example, one may contempt his or her partner, or both partners may not be able to simply maintain a dialogue, or they have problems when they need to share important information.
Resolving problems in communication is much harder than it looks. You see, sometimes partners simply are not ready to listen to each other. Most frequently, this happens when they both have pent-up grudges. In this case, you need to let each other unburned yourselves. Also, it is important to avoid shouting and blaming each other. Remember, your task is to start your communication from the clean sheet. So, name what you would like to fix and avoid in your communication. Then let your partner do the same. After that, try to create the best communication strategy together.
6. Narcissism
Narcissism is a very big problem when it comes to building a committed relationship. A narcissistic person simply won't be ready to commit enough into a relationship. This is because narcissists love themselves more than anyone else around them. Hence, a relationship with a narcissist will never be healthy because you find real intimacy in such a relationship. Furthermore, narcissists often are great manipulators, and this, even more, decreases the level of happiness in relationships with them.
Unfortunately, the best (sometimes even the only) option to deal with this problem is to leave this person. This stems from the fact that narcissistic people don't want to change. They feel great the way they are. Hence, no matter what you do, your narcissistic partner will never make steps towards you. Although, there is still hope, why knows, maybe your partner is one of those rare narcissists who are ready and even willing to change for their partners. In this case, you may try to talk to your partner, and, also, we recommend you seek professional help. Because on your own, it will be very hard to help your partner change.
7. Abusive behavior
This one is very close to the previous one. However, you don't need to be a narcissist to be an abuser. Hence, we decided to distinguish this problem too. Abusive behavior may take several forms. For example, it can be physical, verbal, and sexual. Quite often, physical and emotional abuses are related and complement each other. Also, we can add to this list a desire to control and dominate. You can forget about personal happiness if you date an abuser. Plus, this may be dangerous to your mental and even physical health.
So, to deal with this problem, it is crucial to understand that there are two main types of abusers. The first type is when a person clearly realizes that he or she is an abuser. In this case, the only option is to break up with him or her, since they won't agree to change. If you have faced a second-type abuser, then you still have chances to save your relationship. Because these types of abusers simply don't understand that they, with their actions, may hurt someone. Hence, you may try to have a serious conversation with this person and explain that it is not okay to abuse you.
8. Boredom
Too many people are skittish about boredom. In the meantime, boredom is one of the worst enemies of committed relationships. While abusive behavior is like a bullet that almost immediately kills love, then boredom is the rust that slowly eats your love and happiness. Quite often, partners don't even notice their boredom as a huge problem until it is too late, and their relationships are irreversibly damaged. Boredom, don't lead to loud and emotional quarrels. It just slowly makes people lose interest in their partners. Hence, with time, they just stop feeling close.
The good news is that it is very easy to deal with this problem. Your task is to change your daily routine in a way to make sure that you will be able to spend quality time with your partner. So, by arranging romantic dates, giving presents, and spending time together, you will completely resolve or prevent this problem. This is not even something that requires moral efforts from you, because when two people love each other, they enjoy the moments they spend together.
How to move on when relationships fail
Unfortunately, sometimes even if you know the main reason why a relationship may fail, and know-how to prevent those reasons, there is nothing you can do to prevent breakups. Even in our guide, more than once, we mentioned that sometimes a break up is the only option. It is crucial to understand that breakups are part of our lives, and there is no hiding from it as there is always a chance that your relationship may end up with a breakup. So, we decided to write a small guide on how to move on when relationships fail.
1. Stay out of contact with your ex
The main reason why you must implement a no-contact rule is that every time you meet your ex-partner, he or she will be reminding you of your past relationship. Under such circumstances, it is just impossible to move forward. So, even if your partner seems to be willing to spend time with you, you should never let this happen. Be polite with him or her, but don't agree to meet and spend time together. Remember, your task is to build a new life and not to stalk in the ruins of your previous one.
2. Don’t “try again”
Sometimes people feel a really strong temptation to rebuild their relationship. As you have guessed, this will lead only to another, even more painful, breakup. So, you should never forget why your relationship failed. You may create a list of such reasons. Re-read this list every time you feel a temptation to call or meet your ex-partner. Remember, when you both still in a relationship, you definitely should try to save it, but as soon as it is over, there is no point in giving yourselves a second chance.
3. Clean your social networks
Remember about that part when we said that you should avoid spending time with your ex-partner? The same goes for his or her social networks. You need to forget about him or her because this is the only way for you to clear the space in your heart for new emotions and relationships. Psychologists believe that seeing an ex`s pics on social medial is a form of self-torture. So, unfriend them everywhere you can. In some cases, you may even need to block their pages.
4. Change something in your life
Of course, here we are talking about positive changes. For example, you may buy something expensive, or repaint your living room. Sometimes, people even move to other places and change their cars. Also, it is important to return to your ex all his or her belongings. Hence, you will make sure that at your place everything is only yours. In simple terms, your main task after the breakup is to live your life on your own terms.
5. Spend more time with your friends
It is obvious that no one can live without friends. No one can be happy alone. After a breakup, you may feel very lonely, and, at this point, it is important to spend time with your friends. This will help you to recover from your breakup much faster. Plus, hanging out with friends is a great way to improve your mood and raise your self-esteem. After breakups, people often feel useless. As you have guessed, your friends will help you to understand that it is not true.
The most important aspect that we would like to share with you is that even though there are a whole bunch of different reasons for people to break up, and almost 40 percent of married couples break up, in no way, this means that this will happen to you. You see, in the vast majority of cases, people simply don't realize that they have problems. And the reason for this is that they don't want to invest in their relationships and feel good as it is. As a result, their problems progress and eventually destroy your relationship. Consequently, by being attentive to your partner, you will prevent practically all potential problems.
When people "live as it is," they don't realize that they actually are wasting their lives. The reason for this is that a relationship "as it is" is doomed. Hence, those people not only don't enjoy their relationships but also doomed to face painful breakups. In turn, by constantly working on your relationship, you ensure your happiness. In such a case, you not only will be enjoying your relationship "here and now" but also will be sure that you have a future together.
