How to deal with jealousy in a relationship

13.06.2023

How not to get jealous in a relationship? Living in an atmosphere of constant jealousy is unbearable and destructive. Lovers often explain their behavior with sincere and strong feelings. Like, this is how they show their love and the fact that a person is not indifferent to them. But any relationship in which jealousy turns into total control and distrust is doomed.

How to get rid of jealousy in a relationship? The emergence of such a phenomenon as jealousy is considered one of the methods of natural selection. Long ago, when people were polygamous, jealousy became a way of transforming relationships. So monogamy appeared, which led to the formation of couples and families. It is quite natural that the partners began to treat each other more attentively. Worries and fears appeared about whether they could remain faithful and save everything that they had.

Jealousy is formed differently for men and women. Men are more difficult to experience physical infidelity since it is associated with the sexual aspect. For women, emotional infidelity will be more traumatic. After all, it is much more critical that the partner be attached and devoted, empathize with every feeling and support, and always put in the first place. So a woman feels safe, and knows that in any situation, she can count on the help of her man. This formation of jealousy does not mean that a woman will easily forgive physical contact. No. It’s just that it will be much more difficult for her to survive the fact that her partner has another lover.

How to manage jealousy in a relationship?

Because of jealousy, feelings, and fear appear that the partner can “cool down.” We involuntarily begin to imagine the person who will take our place in the future. The appearance of such thoughts is dangerous for relationships because we are not concentrating on the present moment but on fictional situations. Most often, the cause of groundless jealousy is low self-esteem and self-doubt. In addition, it is considered a certain method of manipulation based on excessive control and guardianship. Many people disguise jealousy as a concern: “I call you so often when you are not walking with me because I love and worry a lot.” Of course, it's okay to worry about your significant other, but it's important to respect boundaries.

How is jealousy related to low self-esteem?

When a person is sure that he is not too good, smart, and handsome, and you cannot love him just like that, there is a desire to control the life of a partner. He begins to subconsciously look for a threat, test loyalty, check messages, "clean" friends on social networks, search bags, and check financial expenses. It is difficult for an insecure person to believe that he can be loved simply for what he is.

Continuing to look for a catch, you can destroy the relationship. Destructive experiences and distrust appear this affects the psyche and perception of life. A person dramatizes everything and invents a problem where it cannot be. This leads to depression or an affective state that is dangerous for the jealous person and his partner.

In addition, jealousy can lead to a restriction of the partner's freedom and his personal life. Often a jealous person begins to prohibit a partner from communicating with certain people, doing what he is interested in, and even limiting his movements. This creates tension and dissatisfaction in the partner, which can lead to a break in the relationship.

Ways to control jealousy in a relationship

The first thing to do is to figure out what jealousy is based on. Are there reasons for concern, or is it a consequence of low self-esteem, insecurity, and selfishness? If there are no obvious reasons for jealousy, psychologists recommend ways of self-help.

• Translate jealousy from an emotional level to a physical one. Each time you are in this state, transform it into a physical manifestation. Yell, take a cold shower, hit your pillow, and sing loudly. Do whatever you can to get rid of this negative energy.

• Be honest with your partner. How to get over jealousy in a relationship? Be open about what you are worried about and afraid of. Recall situations when this feeling manifested itself most strongly. If a loved one appreciates and loves you, he will listen to your words.

• You are not a Secret Service agent. Jealousy appears where there are secrets and passwords. By blocking the phone and not giving the code to the partner, you only give a reason for worry. If this is how you set personal boundaries, just say so. But jealousy will be justified if this is a way to hide something.

• Boost your self-esteem. How to be less jealous in a relationship? If the reason is insecurity, then you will not be comfortable in any relationship. You can break up ten times and start dating others, but this will not change the situation. In each partner, you will see a catch and a threat. Develop, go in for sports, and start working with a psychologist. Before building harmonious relationships, you must love and accept yourself.

• Be aware. Do not wind yourself up over trifles, and do not invent problems where there are none. Find a hobby, meet friends more often, and take your free time so that there is no space for unnecessary thoughts. Such ways to overcome jealousy in a relationship will help you gradually get rid of jealousy.

How to control jealousy in a relationship?

• Recognize that jealousy can be completely irrational. There are no reasons for which it is possible to be jealous and for which it seems like it is impossible. Inside each of us, this feeling is projected in its own way. Therefore, when a psychologist is asked: “Is it worth it to be jealous if a girl flirts with waiters / likes exes, etc. /?”, He may have nothing to answer. For some, it's worth it; for others, it's not a problem at all. Jealousy always operates according to a subjective mechanism - your own.

• Don't lie to yourself. How to not be jealous in a relationship? Finding and identifying feelings within yourself (“It’s not about being tired/problems at work/mercury retrograde. My hands are shaking and my eye is twitching because I’m jealous”) is not a talent but a skill. The skill of dealing with one's own feelings. And the more often you force yourself to deal with them, the more actively you peer into them, the more honestly you call them, and the faster you will learn to process them.

• Don't lie to your partner. How to stop jealousy in relationships? "I didn't like watching you dance with him." "I started shaking as soon as you put your hand on his hip." “I couldn’t find a place for myself when I thought ...”, etc. There is nothing shameful and humiliating in voicing what is happening inside you to a partner. A person who talks about his feelings is not pathetic, but on the contrary, strong in his sincerity. We need to talk about jealousy. It is difficult to talk about it, but it is fundamentally important to do it! Groping for words, images, and presentation. There are no universal rules for exactly how this should be done. But there is a rule regarding the fact that everything unspoken, hidden in the farthest closet of the heart, poisons, and torments more than something that was presented. Moreover, it corrodes both us and the very fabric of relationships.

• Try to figure out what is scary. How to work on jealousy in a relationship? If you think about it, jealousy is globally about fear. Fear of losing control. Fear of loneliness. Fear of being left without the comfort (psychological, every day) that you have in the context of paired relationships. And so on. Everyone is afraid of their own. You have to try to talk to yourself. Feel for the most disturbing places. “Just being afraid” is much scarier than being afraid of something specific. For example, you may be afraid to watch TV shows alone. Afraid to move out of the nice little apartment you shared. Fear of breaking the psyche of the child by divorce. In this case, you can try to model in your head how to behave if everything happens exactly the way you imagine in a nightmare. It is certainly not the most pleasant experience to feel the body of your dependence on a partner. But extremely, simply unprecedentedly useful. And, by the way, it sheds light on a lot.

By using these tips, you will be able to stop being jealous in a relationship and move on to a new level of trust with your partner.

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