How to Be Supportive in a Relationship: Advice For Men
26.08.2020
If you do not receive the support you want in the course of the relationship, there can be two reasons: you are either not asking enough, or your request is expressed in a form that does not give the expected result. Being supportive in a relationship is vital for two people to be able to develop trust and close connection. If you want to get something, you need to ask for it. We take tips on how to do it properly in consideration below.
How much does support mean in a relationship?
Women make the mistake of thinking that they don't need to ask for support because they intuitively sense others' needs and do their best to fulfill the need before their partner even voices it. It seems to them that men can do the same. If a woman is in love, she is excited and happy to look for ways to offer her support. The stronger her love is, the more eager the woman to help: "You never have to ask for love!"
Guided by this motto, ladies believe that men owe them guessing of their needs. In reality, when representatives of stronger sex meet women online, they have no clue what their future partner is like and what she needs. From a woman's point of view, predicting a partner's needs is a challenge that a man should pass. After all, to teach a man how to be supportive, just say what you want from him, and everyone will be happy.
Do women need to feel support in relationships?
If a woman does not receive the support she needs when the relationship is just starting, she concludes that the man simply cannot give more at this time. In turn, the man is sure that his efforts are already enough since his partner does not stop supporting him.
Ultimately, a woman may ask for help. But this happens in a critical case when the woman is already offended so much that her request sounds more like a demand. She may be outraged by the very need to ask for support or say straightforwardly what she would like to receive as anniversary gifts. Supportive relationship quotes that women often like to use sound as follows: "If I have to ask, then the support loses its meaning" or "A man who wants to make his woman happy will find ways to do so." Support is crucial for women, but they have to express their need for it clearly.
How to be a supportive partner to your woman.
There are several recommendations on how to be a supportive partner. The main goal of all these actions is to make the lady feel that she is in reliable, caring hands.
Be an attentive listener
Try to determine the cause of the woman's anxiety carefully, and if she is ready to share, then listen to her without interrupting. Show your concern by nodding and making eye contact. Keep your opinion to yourself. If a girl wants to learn it, she will ask for advice herself.
Advise on solving the problem carefully
Don't say that the situation is difficult, even if it is. A woman will only get more upset. She may think that there is practically no way out of the situation because even you are confused.
Positive attitude
A wave of encouragement should emanate from you. There is a secret concerning how to be a supportive friend or a partner: you should first stabilize your mood and share your energy. Repeat that everything will be fine because everything happens for a reason. Soon your beloved will begin to believe in it.
Stay cautious with words
You can't underestimate the importance of the problem with phrases like: "Come on, this is a trifle," "I once was in the same situation, you are overreacting," etc. The girl may think that you do not care about her situation and emotions. It is even worse if the lady thinks that you are laughing at her.
An adequate sense of humor will not be superfluous
You can try to make the girl laugh and thereby shift the focus of her attention to a positive wave. The main thing is to understand at what point your jokes will be appropriate.
Make a gift
Anything from chocolates and flowers to something more serious. Take her to the cinema or a restaurant. Sometimes a simple gift will cheer up a woman better than any words.
How to understand if you are missing support in relationships.
So that harmony reigns in a relationship, you cannot prohibit anything or restrain your partner in something. It is important to grow and develop together. If you see that your loved one doesn’t understand what does it mean to be supportive, it is time to upgrade the current state of things.
They don’t care about your goals
With your family, friends, and loved one, you should feel as comfortable as possible, share your failures, victories, and plans. No matter how unrealistic your dreams are, your partner should support you and not doubt yourself. If you see your loved one is not a supportive partner, talk about it. Either they will understand and support you, or go out of your way.
Constantly pointing at your flaws
If your partner constantly criticizes you, they lower your self esteem and suppress the urge to move forward. Instead of focusing on the shortcomings, you should notice the merits of the other half. When partners give each other mutual compliments, their mood and fighting spirit improve, they more quickly achieve both common and personal goals.
They are jealous of your accomplishments
Sometimes it happens that a person cannot accept the success of their soul mate. Of course, such people do not know how to be supportive in a relationship. Therefore, they are dismissive about the achievements of their significant others. In a happy relationship, people take pride in each other's success.
Asking you to give up what is important to you
This can go for many things, from not socializing with family and friends to exercising in the morning. For a relationship to flourish, partners don't need to be together all the time. They need to take a break from each other and devote time to themselves. Your partner should remember what is important to you and not interfere with it.
You cannot fully devote time to hobbies
If your partner is not happy with your hobbies and does not allow you to do what you want, it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship and lack of support. Such inhibitions can drive you into depression and cause constant anxiety.
Quarrels over past
Every couple in love needs to move forward both as a union and individually. If one of the partners constantly raises the past and recalls old problems, they slow down the relationship's progress and cannot accept the present. As a result, they do not support your changes.
Your values don't match
People with different lifestyles can have serious problems with supporting each other. If you think differently about family, money, travel, housing, you can be very distant from your dreams.
The partner is too jealous
If a loved one suspects you are unfaithful or gets annoyed when you interact with other people, this is a sign of emotional abuse that can eventually escalate to physical abuse. Explain to your partner that if they do not learn to trust you, you will not be able to build a happy union.
Laughing at your tastes and preferences
Making fun of the music you listen to, the meals you order in a restaurant, and even the film you chose to watch is not healthy. This means the person is not only immature, but that they do not realize that all people are different and have to be tolerant of various points of view.
You cope with your problems yourself
We all feel tired or emotionally exhausted after a long working day. If your partner works less than you but still doesn't take over a part of household chores, this is a sign of the lack of support. A man who doesn't help his beloved in all aspects of life clearly doesn't care about being a supportive husband.
How to ask your partner to be more supportive?
There are some secrets to properly asking a partner for support. Without knowing them well, you can easily push a beloved person away. These secrets include the choice of the right moment, the tone devoid of exactingness, brevity, directness, and the selection of words adequate to the situation. Everyone has to know how to be a supportive girlfriend or boyfriend. Let's dwell on each of these tips in more detail.
Choosing the right moment
Be careful not to ask the person to do what they are about to do. If, for example, your partner intends to throw out the trash, do not tell them, "Will you take out the trash?" They may think that you are trying to tell them what to do. The timing is very important. At the same time, if a person is busy with something, do not expect them to respond to your request immediately.
A tone devoid of exactingness
Remember, a request and a demand are two different things. If your tone sounds demanding, offensive, or disgruntled, then, no matter how carefully you choose your words, the person will not be eager to carry out your task.
Be brief
Never list the reasons why a person should help you. Assume that you don't need to convince them. The more arguments you give, the more resistance you run the risk of provoking. Lengthy explanations to prove the request's validity can make the partner feel like you don't believe they can support you. It will seem to them that you are trying to influence their initial decision to offer help. In reality, they may have thought about supporting you in advance.
When a woman is upset or angry, she doesn't want to hear that she shouldn't worry. Likewise, a man does not need an explanation of why he should comply with her request.
Express yourself directly
We often feel that we ask for support so straightforwardly that even the naivest person would get the hint. This is not enough. When people need help, they may complain, share a problem, hint but not say directly that they want to be supported. Such individuals expect others to feel guilt and offer to help themselves.
Choose the right words
The most common mistake when making a request is using the phrase "Could you?" instead of saying, "Please do it." "Could you take out the trash?" — this expression sounds like a simple question, while the phrase: "Please take out the trash" already makes a request. Women often say: "Could you?" Meaning: "Do it, please." As it has been noted above, implicit requests can alienate a performer of the action. If done infrequently, they will probably go unnoticed, but constant use can irritate men.
Learning to provide and ask for support is a vital skill.
What is most important is that people in love should never be afraid to tell about their needs straightforwardly. An indirect request only presupposes a request but does not openly express it. Indirect requests make a person feel that their efforts are not appreciated and taken for granted. Sometimes you can ask in this form, but if it becomes a habit, the partner will not at all increase the desire to provide support.
