How to break the touch barrier


We are living in the extremely complicated system of social barriers. You can't talk to someone because right now is the wrong time. You can't ask her or him out because ‘he/she won't even look at someone like me’. And so on and so forth. One of the most common barriers in our life is the touch barrier, and you need to learn how and when to break it.

Breaking the Touch Barrier: Psychologist's Advice

What is the Touch Barrier?

Before breaking the touch barrier, you need to learn what it is. The touch is a very important thing in human communication and in romance. Whenever you touch someone, the level of oxytocin – the hormone of happiness – increases in your blood. So, when we are on a date, we quite easily start yearning for the touch. But there is a touch barrier. You wonder whether it would be okay to touch a person right now. You wonder whether you would look like a pervert if you touch a person right now. So, all in all, the touch barrier is the thing that stands between you and the tactile contact with the person you like.

First Date Touch Barrier

"Will I look like a creep if I touch her right now?" a guy is most likely to think while on a first date. "Will he think that I am too accessible if I touch him right now?" In the end, the first touch may not even happen on a first date. Even though both partners want it and expect another one to take the first step. Sometimes it doesn't happen on a second date, as we are waiting for that magical moment to break the touch barrier, going through thousands of articles on how to touch a girl or how to touch a guy. Some of those articles are quite useful, but let's be honest, we rarely read them beforehand. We start searching for those articles in a rush the day before or even a few hours before our first date. And, of course, we rarely manage to remember a single thing from those articles, and either don't break the barrier or touch your date-mate in a way that makes you look like a pervert. When people like each other, they have a big desire to make a physical contact and break this barrier. They are afraid that they rush things and can do something wrong, that’s why they postpone this moment and try to come up with a suitable excuse to touch the person they like. But there are subtle ways to break the touch barrier, which we offer you to check out without further ado.

How to Break the Touch Barrier With a Girl?

Here, we've collected the set of rules on breaking the touch barrier with the girl on the first date.

1. Make Sure She Welcomes Your Toucheshow to break the touch barrier

Before you start thinking about the ways how to touch a girl, you need to make sure that she is into it. If the girl likes you she is most likely to hold her gaze on you. That's a clear indication that she likes you. Another thing that can help you is understanding her personality. If she's friendly and easy-going, chances that she would be upset by your touching her is extremely low. But mind that your first touch should be gentle.

2. Give Her a Light and Gentle Touch

Don't go caressing her all of a sudden. You should start with a light and gentle touch. You first touch should be casual and friendly. It would help you to check out the way she responds to it. That's how to break the touch barrier without grabbing her.

3. Linger A Little Longer

If your casual and friendly touch worked, then you can linger a bit longer. Keep her hand in your hand for an extra second. If she feels comfortable with it, she just won't allow you to let it go.

How to Break the Touch Barrier With a Guy?

While you may think that there must be no problem with breaking the touch barrier with a guy, touching the guy may require even more rules than you might think. But why, you may ask, when guys do break the touch barrier first? Generally, but sometimes they don't. So, let's figure out the right ways to touch a guy.

1. How to Touch a Guy to Show Affection

Sometimes you really want to touch him, and you start wondering how to break the touch barrier with your boyfriend. Of course, you might want to go into flirting and teasing him, the best way is to hug him to show your affection, at first. Just lean close to him, put your arms around him and then hug him. But don't linger for too long. Squeezing his shoulder or patting him on the back may also work, but it is better to stick with hugging, if you don't want him to think that he is friendzoned.

2. How to Touch a Guy to Flirt

Well, most of the girls know that. But mind that you should implement those tips only if you are into each other. Kiss him on the cheek – it's the best way to touch him in a flirty way. But don't give him a wet and sloppy kiss, let your lips just graze his skin. Another way to touch him in a flirty way is to gently kick him under the table. While it may seem quite low-key, it's the effective way to touch him flirtatiously. But mind that you shouldn't kick him too hard, do it playfully. Another flirtatious way to touch him is to play with his hair, but mind that you should have a reason for that. For example, if he just got a new haircut, you can gently and playfully squeeze his hair. Just in order to tease him a bit. But before doing it, it is better to make sure that your boyfriend likes his hair to be touched. Some people hate it.

How to Break the Touch Barrier With a Shy Girl?

You know that shy girls are tougher to deal with than easy-going and fun-loving girls. You don't always know how to talk to her, needless to say that it's hard to imagine how to break the touch barrier with a shy girl. "What if she's going to run away?", "What if she's going to cry?", "What if she faints?" – those are the questions that run through your head when you think about breaking the touch barrier with a shy girl. But a simple set of rules can easily help you solve this problem.

1. Check Out The Way She Looks at You

Just like with girls in general, you need to figure out if a shy girl is into you, before even thinking how to touch her. Her gaze may help you figure out whether she's into you or not. But if an easy-going girl would shamelessly fix her gaze on you, a shy girl won't do that. So, how to figure out? Easily, a shy girl looks at you when you can't notice it. So, if she's immediately pulling her gaze away when you turn to her, then she's definitely into you.

2. Hold Her Jacket Out

how to break the touch barrier with a guyYou know that you need to find a chivalrous way to break the touch barrier, when it comes to a shy girl. So, start from less tactile things than holding her hand. If you are both about to leave, than you can take her jacket and hold it so she can slip her arms into the sleeves. That's what will make you a gentleman in her eyes, and let her be more open with you. There is going to be light tactile contact between you, as your knuckles are most likely to brush up against her as she is slipping her arms into the sleeves. If she doesn't panic or try to avoid the contact, and you see that her hair is between her coat and her back, gently pull it out for her.

3. Offer Your Hand

Whenever she needs to hold her balance or when she needs to get out of a car, offer her your hand. That is more serious tactile contact than when helping her with her coat. Moreover, girls generally like that, as it shows that you really care for her. But don't run around her sticking your hand in front of her, that's actually creepy. You should catch the right occasion, for example if she's dressed nicely and wears high heels.

4. Hold Out Your Arm for Her to Hold

It basically works as an invitation for her to hook her arm around yours. If she's into it, then you've achieved success in your breaking the touch barrier with a shy girl. Everything else would be way easier for you, but that doesn't mean that you should forget your manners or take next steps too fast. Continue doing everything carefully and gently.

It may be hard, but soon you would find her in your embraces. If you give it enough time and follow the above-mentioned rules, you won't experience any problems with breaking the touch barrier with a shy girl.

How to Break the Touch Barrier With a Shy Guy?

Sometimes you wonder, why doesn't he break the touch barrier during conversation like other guys do? The answer is quite simple – you are dealing with a shy guy, and most likely you'll have to make the first step. Well, don't worry, we've got you covered, and we offer you to check out our tips on how to touch a shy guy.

1. Boost His Confidence

First, you need to boost his confidence. Cheer him up. Tell him how you like the things that he does. Give him a compliment. For example, if he has a new haircut, tell him that you really enjoy it. Be direct with him, but don't go into telling him something like "You know, I really like you and I keep on wondering when you are going to touch me or ask me out". That will be frustrating and he will most likely think that you are just fooling around.

2. Pat Him On The Back

Pat him on the back or try squeezing his shoulder. It is the first tactile contact, and unlike typical guys, he won't consider it to be a sign of a friend zone. After that you can try hugging him on occasion. For example, he got the job promotion or is going to buy a car. If you feel that he's not panicking and trying to avoid your hugs, you can linger a bit longer. If he doesn't mind, then you can be a little bit more direct with your tactile contact.

3. Touching Outside of His Arm

When you are sitting next to each other try lightly and gently touching the outside of his arm. It would definitely increase the level of oxytocin in both of you. If he's not trying to remove his arm, you can continue with more romantic touching. If that works, you've succeeded in breaking the touch barrier with a shy guy.

Subtle Ways to Break the Touch Barrier

When you touch someone for the first time, you violate their private space and make physical contact. Your following communication may depend exactly on this moment and how much you succeed. If you are looking for subtle ways to break the touch barrier, pay attention to the next tricks.

1. Playful punchingbreak touch barrier

The first touch should be rather unexpected when both of you are overwhelmed with positive emotions. It is about a casual situation when you are kidding around. It is a perfect moment for playful punching when you slap a person’s arm in a flirty way.

2. Laughing

If you are close to the person you have a crush on, and you are laughing, you can touch their arm or shoulder with your head. It looks natural and helps release oxytocin in both people.

3. Picking a piece of lint off a jacket

If you don’t know how to touch a person, even though your fingers are almost itching in anticipation, then you can pretend that you want to pick a piece of lint off their jacket. Usually, people perceive such a gesture as a favor and don’t mind.

What Does It Mean When a Girl Touches You?

Girls don’t touch men they don’t like because they don’t even think about such a thing. Any physical contact is an exchange of energies, and there is something intimate about it. Thus, if a girl decides to make tactile contact with you, it may mean a lot.

If she touches your head, for example, she wants to mess up your hair, it means that she trusts you and feels a connection with you.

If she tries to slightly kick you or slap, it means that she perceives you as a friend or wants to tease you in a flirty manner. It is obvious that a woman is not indifferent to you.

If she touches your back, she wants to show her support and praise. However, if she slides her fingertips along your back, it may mean that she is excited.

If she touches your arm during your talk, it may mean that she is sexually attracted to you and cannot hold herself in hands. Here it is important to notice for how long her touch lasts, thus, if she doesn’t rush to take her hand off, then she wants you to take the next step.

Don't Fear the Tactile Contact

The main thing that you need to remember is that despite the social barrier, you shouldn't fear the tactile contact. Different cultures have different views on touch barriers. At the same time, you should remember that you shouldn't force your touch on anyone. Following the rules that are mentioned above will make breaking the touch barrier way easier for you.

Comments (1)

I always experience the fear of tactile contact at the first stages of romantic acquaintance with the opposite sex. Your advice will definitely come in handy for me!
16.07.2020 15:56

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