Dealing with a Narcissist in a Relationship: Is It Really Possible?

15.01.2018

Narcissists are often compared to vampires who pull out all the strength and emotions from those around them. Their relatives turn into victims who, at the cost of their own nerves, come to disappointing and very precise conclusions about the nature of narcissistic kinds.

how to spot a narcissist in a relationship

How to know that you date a narcissist

A narcissistic person is definitely a "box with a surprise." Such individuals, made of paradoxes, are difficult to identify and understand. Let's try to outline the main signs of how to spot a narcissist in a relationship.

Glamorous person

The narcissistic ego provides the owner with a high level of the sense of superiority, all-consuming "brilliance" and grandeur that borders on megalomania. The main thing in his life is to differ from the rest, and not to get lost in the ruck. He would rather prefer to be known as an "informal person" than to seem unremarkable. Narcissist constantly demonstrates his "chosenness": in clothes, words, or way of life. If he talks about his family, then as an ideal, about the house - as an exceptional, even if in fact everything is completely prosaic. In the effort to convince others of his own greatness, narcissus idealizes everything connected with him. Colorful grotesqueness is his style. This is a good option how you can spot a narcissistic woman.

Remote seducer

An attitude towards people is another paradox of narcissistic behavior. Narcissists have little interest in others but can’t do without them. They need the audience to enthusiastically admire, play along and applaud them - it is the irreplaceable nourishment for the narcissistic ego. Narcissists can perform spectacular acts, say compliments, show hyper-generosity and goodness - do everything to lure people. Therefore, they are able to instantly win sympathy, and then manipulate the "captives": regulate all actions, control their attention and attitude. Narcissists, at first glance, are extremely charming, kind, sympathetic, intelligent and witty. But don’t forget that in fact they are remote and not able to experience deep and warm feelings for someone.

Real boaster

It’s one of the easiest ways to spot narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissist is boastful and will certainly tell about his successes, interesting acquaintances with famous people, and emphasize his uniqueness. And his achievements can be either real or highly exaggerated. how to spot a narcissistic womanBut he’ll depreciate other people and their achievements. After all, competition and comparison for him is a habitual reaction to those who are close to him.

Doesn’t trust others

In a close relationship, both partners become vulnerable, and vulnerability requires trust. And how, then, to live with a narcissist? How can you trust him?

Narcissists, although emotionally poor, can be just as smart as their colleagues. It enables them to logically grasp the bond between trust and vulnerability. That is why they will not become attached to actual relationships. However, narcissists will enter into one-sided "relations", a kind of "exploitation". Weakness, vulnerability and trust are not recognized by narcissistic consciousness.

Aggressive to criticism

Narcissist chooses the surroundings that support the notion of his exclusivity. He idealizes those who treat him with due admiration. But even from the slightest disdain he comes into a rage. Anyone who dares even a small fraction of criticism, immediately turns guilty of insulting His Majesty. Narcissist himself in such cases immediately builds a wall of alienation and slips away.

No serious relationships

Shortness and promiscuity are key strategies in narcissistic relationships with others. Narcissist is mistakenly convinced of his own independence and thinks he does not need anyone. Close sincere contacts aren’t for him, because they create dependence, and dependence provokes fear. Therefore, he always keeps his distance and controls his own emotions.

According to western psychologists, a person who meets a narcissist feels happy for four months. After this time point, they note that everything deteriorates sharply. Ironically, a four-month mark in normal relations is the time when partners begin to receive the maximum satisfaction from the union.

If you find yourself in a relationship with an awkward narcissist, there are many skills and strategies you can utilize to restore your health, well-being, and respect. There are some powerful tips on how to deal with a narcissistic partner.

How to deal with a narcissist in a relationship

Be strong and offensive

Justifications and obedience confirm a narcissist's opinion about the victim, who "provoked it themselves", that is, needs to be humiliated. We need offensive actions and active resistance, it is important to overcome our fear of an open conflict. Often a victim simply needs to become aggressive to be able to overcome the connection with a narcissist. In this case, you should think more about your own good, not about the opinion of others. Since only a couple has a full vision of violence, from the outside the relationship can look perfect.

Find the right support

To confront the narcissist takes a lot of energy. The support of people who fully understand the destructiveness of the narcissist, or those who have experienced similar relationships is really important. Even your family and friends can help you. But not very close people can’t provide such support, as they often observe only positive manifestations of relationships and can’t see the hell that is actually happening, and that means they take the side of the narcissist.

Don’t let yourself to be tricked

Modesty will be the best strategy for communication. Don’t succumb to his tricks in the form of flattery and excessive admiration. Yes, everybody knows how pleasant it is to receive praise. And we should admit that narcissists have the ability to choose the most sensual moments in order to give you recognition. But remember that once you swallow the hook, it is very difficult to jump off it painlessly.

Observe also those people who have already dealt with this person before, and discover how he treats his "enemies", whom he has raised on a pedestal once. how to deal with a narcissistic partner​Perhaps his remote and indifferent attitude to his former friends will help you avoid such a fate. This is a good way how to deal with a narcissistic spouse.

Work on yourself

There are a lot of ways to deal with a narcissist, but first you need to work on your own personality. Especially on the emotions of guilt and shame, since narcissists manipulate these feelings. It is necessary to build your own psychological boundaries, to learn to balance between what is given and what happens. It is always important to remember that narcissists project their own negative features onto their prey, even more hypertrophying them, therefore, they hate themselves in another person. Thus, it is necessary to understand that those traits that narcissist hates and which cause the victim to feel guilty are exactly the features of the narcissist. That is, the victim has nothing to be ashamed of. Unfortunately, awareness of this fact takes a long time and often requires outside assistance.

It is worth learning to realize your anger, distinguish your own feelings from narcissist’s projections, regain your self-confidence, drop feelings of guilt and excessive responsibility, as well as shame resulting from communication with the narcissist. In order to restore the internal resources of the individual, to regain emotional balance, it is worth turning to an experienced psychotherapist. He can offer you a lot of ways how to deal with either male or female narcissist.

Can a narcissist change in a new relationship?

Relationship with a narcissist can be complicated for both partners. Since narcissist often deceives others, the consequences of his actions can lead to unpleasant consequences for him. These are moments of a life crisis for a narcissist (family alienation or divorce, problems with the law, loss of personal or professional reputation, etc.)

At these moments, some narcissists plead their guilt, promise to change, ask for pardon. They can be very convincing. But be very careful! Psychologists warn that many narcissists are trying to manage the current situation with such behavior. Often, once the crisis ends, they return to their normal way of life. When the narcissist says "I will change," he just wants to get out of the unpleasant situation as soon as possible and at the same time he doesn’t intend to change himself.

Can a narcissist really change for the better? Maybe. But only if he is ready to go through the process of self-knowledge. For narcissists, who no longer wish to "play games" and want subtle relations and trust, there are ways to get rid of lies and gradually move toward improving oneself. In this case, being in a relationship with a narcissist can be a really nice thing.

What should you do?

There is no universal answer to this question - the options will depend both on the degree of narcissism, on the type of relationships and your own personality. In any case, it is important to realize the problem and accept for yourself the fact that it is a person with a very specific view of the world. Obvious or convincing arguments may not work with him. If the pathology is strong - it is better to avoid close contacts, if the features are expressed moderately, you can try to persuade a person to undergo therapy. However, continuing to communicate or breaking up with such type of personality is your own decision.

How to get out of relationships with narcissist? Make it clear that he has lost power over you. If you are firm in your intention, it will be enough to cut off all contacts. Sooner or later he will think about finding a new source of attention and admiration. If you are sure that this person will become an important part of your life, then you need to behave with him consciously, so as not to gain a foothold for the narcissistic behavior and try to change the "rules of the game."

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