Ending an Emotional Affair: Advice for Men
18.08.2020
Love affair... According to psychologists, most people associate such a concept exclusively with the physical aspect, that is, it is supposed that an affair implies kissing, hugging, and sexual relations with someone besides a loved one. But how can you call a situation when there is no kissing or sex on the side, but all your thoughts and desires are connected not with your partner at all? Psychologists call such a situation an emotional or psychological affair. And today, we are going to see into the matter!
What is an emotional affair: differences from physical cheating
The term “emotional affair” describes the situation when people are in a relationship (or their relationship is getting serious) but they give someone else more time, energy, and tender feelings than to their partners. They share innermost thoughts with such a “friend” and prefer to turn to this person for support, warmth, and emotional stroking. At the same time, there is no intimate connection as compared to physical cheating. In other words, it is all about looking for emotions on the side.
Perhaps you have already heard some emotional affair quotes. It all starts out quite innocently and looks like an ordinary friendship. You communicate with a person, exchange messages, go for a walk together, and share problems and experiences. But then, you suddenly realize that you would rather spend the evening texting with “just a friend” than watching a movie with your loved one. And this bond, which is suddenly becoming unexpectedly strong, destroys a relationship with your partner.
45% of men and 35% of women admitted to being emotionally unfaithful to their loved ones. Such cheaters often do not feel guilty, but their partners think quite otherwise and need much time for recovery from the emotional affair. After all, close emotional connection with another person is no less painful than the fact of having sex on the side and betrayed people are forced to learn how to forgive an emotional affair. However, the attitude towards this issue depends on gender. Studies have shown that women are more afraid of the emotional affair of a partner, and men have a dread of the sexual ones. In any case, both of them feel deceived and betrayed because close people hide from them an important part of their life, and lying destroys trust and harms relationships. As a result, everything can end in a break-up.
Why does emotional affair appear? 3 Main signs
An emotional affair never appears out of the blue. After all, any relationship problems arise for a reason. Therefore, let’s consider why an emotional affair may occur in romantic relations.
1. Faded feelings
The most common reasons for an emotional affair are faded feelings and disrupted intimacy in a relationship. You stop sharing your experiences with a partner and hearing your loved one at all. The desire to spend a lot of free time with your soulmate disappears. You know all the habits of the beloved perfectly well, and life together starts seeming boring. In addition, the old passion dissipates too. Therefore, you have a desire to compensate for the missing emotions on the side and begin to meet girls now. Besides, an emotional affair with a coworker often happens according to such a scenario.
2. Low self-esteem
There are times when people feel dissatisfied with themselves, it seems to them that they are no longer attractive for their partners and to the opposite sex in general. Thus, such people want to prove themselves the opposite and seek to start a relationship on the side. To say more, some women even dare to engage in an emotional affair with a married man to prove their attractiveness.
3. The unwillingness of partners to solve relationship problems
Different relationship problems often arise because of partners' unwillingness to accept and discuss difficulties together. The very visibility of a happy relationship will not save it from cracks. If you store up negative emotions for a long time, it will lead to indifference and remoteness between the lovers.
Signs of an emotional affair
How to identify an emotional affair? There are 5 main signs that your loved one has become emotionally closer to another person. Of course, it can be just a temporary interest, but in some cases, such an affair can lead to a break-up of relationships.
1. Lack of access
Of course, everyone has the right to privacy and confidentiality. No one should read a partner's private messages with manic scrupulousness and regularly check the phone and social networks of a loved one. But if the mere touch of your partner's personal belongings enrages your beloved, there is something to think about. What does your partner hide in the phone? Why is your loved one so active on social networks or messengers? A person who has nothing to hide will never react to such little things so harshly.
2. The "special" friend is more important for your beloved
Does your partner quit all your joint activities whenever a "special" friend calls or texts them? Does your partner spend a lot of time in virtual communication with their friend? Do you feel that your needs and desires are no longer a priority for your loved one? These are all clear signs of emotional betrayal.
3. You realize that your self-esteem gets low
Generally, a healthy relationship raises your self-esteem over time. If you realize that the opposite is happening, that is, you feel like you are not as good as a loved one’s “special” friend, it could be another sign of an emotional affair. Are your confidence and sense of self-attraction deteriorating because of the lack of attention? Do you doubt yourself more and more? It may indicate an emotional affair of your partner.
4. Lonely strolls of your beloved
Nobody says that you should spend all your free time together with a loved one. It will even be quite strange. But if your partner has made it a routine to go for walks alone and suddenly dart away somewhere in the middle of the evening, there is something screwy about the matter. Unexpected changes in the behavior of your beloved may indicate some problems in the relationship.
5. You don't feel needed
This sometimes occurs with every girl. After all, each lady wants to be a princess, but routine, work, and everyday life very quickly remove the crown from your head. Although a sense of one's own importance should be an integrant part of any romantic relationship – its absence can indicate that your partner does not value you as before. Perhaps this is your mistake, and you should reconsider your behavior, or maybe this is a sign of emotional betrayal of your loved one. If, in addition to this, you notice other emotional affair signs, it is worth bringing the issue to the head.
Guide on how to stop an emotional affair
Sometimes, in order to cheat on a loved one, it is not at all necessary to get into bed with anyone else. Emotional affair hurts no less than physical betrayal. So, if you really want to save your relationship, you should know how to end an emotional affair.
1. Understand the reasons for your emotional affair
Maybe you lack the care, support, and attention of a loved one. Your partner may not spend enough time with you, holds you in low esteem, or criticize you very often. Perhaps you need strong emotions, adventures, and affective discharge. Also, it happens that there is no longer love and warmth between you and your beloved and your relationship has run its course, although you refuse to admit it. Well, be that as it may, try to figure out why you started looking for emotions outside the relationship.
2. Discuss the problem with your loved one
You should discuss with your loved one the reasons why an emotional affair happened in your relationship. For example, if you lack the support and admiration of a beloved woman – tell her about this and ask your lady to devote you more time and attention. In addition, you can go on a joint trip – it will strengthen relationships and give you those vivid impressions that you lack. To say more, this is one of the best ways on how to recover from an emotional affair.
3. Decide what to do with your "friendship"
Be honest to yourself and think over whether you can get an emotional affair with someone back to the normal, purely friendly course. If not, you will have to break that connection – and you should do this as soon as possible. Explain to your friend that your communication is detrimental to your romantic relationship with a loved one, and therefore, you have to sever the contact. Try to deal this person out of your private life at least for a while – do not write or call him/her at all.
4. Talk with your beloved as much as possible
You need to learn to communicate with your partner sincerely, without turning daily conversations into an exchange of useful information. You should not discuss only household issues – this does not contribute to rapprochement and intimacy. Ease of communication, sense of humor, and deep emotional support – that's what really important for a strong and happy relationship.
5. Learn to share your feelings with a loved one
Do not store up resentment, anger, and irritation. Moreover, you should not expect your partner to guess why you are unhappy. Therefore, talk about your feelings, discuss what you do not like, and try to find a solution to any problem together with a loved one. If you offend or hurt your beloved, do not forget to apologize and discuss what happened. Such simple things will make your relationship much stronger.
Final Thoughts
Are you determined to remain faithful to your loved one even in thoughts? Support each other in everything and be honest, including to yourself. The key to a strong relationship is not to accumulate problems and complaints, but to discuss and overcome difficulties together. Moreover, try to spend as much time together as possible – it will help you to get to know each other better and find common interests and new points of contact. Also, trust your partner and do not smother the beloved with excessive jealousy – no good will come of it. Let your relationship always be sincere and full of love!
