How to Deal with Depression in a Relationship

30.10.2018

Today we will talk about an important topic: depression and relationships. Many people may be dealing with depression in relationships without even realizing it. Yet it is common that they go together. If you are asking yourself, “how do I deal with depression ruining my relationship?”, then this article will, hopefully, be of great help to you.

how to deal with depression in a relationship

Depression in a Relationship: Why's it so Common?

Often in a relationship there comes a time when one of the partners is under the influence of depression. This period can last for quite a long time, and a person sometimes says and does a lot of bad things. But does this mean that such a depressive state will oppress happiness in a relationship?

Let's start with the fact that the mind just needs to be in a depressed state periodically. Recent studies of neurophysiology also confirm that the human brain cannot always be under the influence of positive emotions. As a result of this, a person cannot be constantly happy. The brain, performing its functions, is always at a certain level of tension, receiving and processing information everyday life. Of course, the brain is not a muscle of the human body in the direct sense, but its fatigue can be compared with muscle fatigue. If a person puts a lot of pressure on their brain – it will hurt. But there is one interesting thing about it. This pain is positive. Isn't that how we regard it? We worked hard, the muscles started to hurt, so they develop, and the next time they will be able to withstand more pressure. The same happens to the brain after prolonged exertion, only its “pain” is a depressive state.

You have experienced a state in which it is rather difficult for you to rejoice and smile, but inside you experience peace and tranquility? This is because happiness comes from the heart, by its nature. Depression, based on our brain activity, is the attachment to the material world, to the grossness of all of it. But if a person is in spiritual harmony with oneself, they may find it difficult to smile, but everything inside them is beautiful. Happiness in depression - a paradox that actually exists. Only an astute person is able to see this internal energy and understand that everything is in order. This is what distinguishes harmonious relationships.

At some point, karmic misfortunes will get to any family, after which its future depends only on the level of spiritual organization of each of the partners. For example, a man may show humility and accept trials, while a woman cannot withstand them constantly. Ultimately, the moment comes when the mind of a person enters a depressive state.

Depression in a Relationship: Symptoms and Causes

Depression and relationship problems are often tied together. To know how to not let depression ruin your relationship, you have to know how it looks, here are just some of the manifestations of depression affecting your relationship:

depression affecting your relationship1. You feel that you are completely at the mercy of a partner

The first of the effects of depression on relationships. Some women are convinced that it is not that bad, in general: there is no need to solve anything, to bear the heavy burden of responsibility for the couple’s own life and future, but you can just relax and go with the flow. Unfortunately, there is a flip side to it all: the inevitable fall in self-esteem and the feeling of complete helplessness. Well, if such a “refusal of obligations” is not your personal choice but the initiative of your overly powerful partner, then it’s twice as bad.

2. Your partner constantly criticizes you

Reasonable criticism is easy to distinguish from senseless one in terms of subjective feeling: when criticism is reasonable, you do not feel resentment or hopelessness, and you understand that you are given good ideas. Senseless criticism does not make any sense: you are hurt because you can’t change anything in yourself, but you are constantly twitching. “I do not like your styling,” “Why did you buy this dress?” - such judgments are usually made in the prosecutor’s manner and make you want to defend yourself, fight back, or, which is the worst, hide. The one who hears them constantly, in the end, inevitably begins to look for a problem in oneself, and if this constant condemnation comes from a significant person, then self-esteem plummets. But the same can be said in another way: “I’m worried that men will flirt with you - you’re too sexy with this bold hairstyle” or “I’m afraid that we will not be able to repay the loan, so I don’t approve of the new purchases.” Agree, this is a completely different matter, you just phrased it differently.

3. Your partner controls you

This is more about depression in men and relationships in particular, since it is men who are far more likely to seek this level of control. Your body, your diet, your clothes and hairstyle, your money, your friends, your pictures in social networks and how often you see your relatives ... The desire for control can be a bitch! Once started, it is easy to capture more and more territory. Maybe your partner doesn't even notice it. But the emotional impact can be very strong, especially if you never have conflicts over this. Depression is associated with a feeling of helplessness, and this situation sooner or later will lead to a real avalanche of this feeling.

4. Your partner is depressed

Depression is contagious. This especially affects, of course, people who are sensitive and emotional. Not only is a loved one constantly in front of your eyes with all the symptoms of depression - bad mood, poor health, a complete lack of energy and motivation - and you are sad about this and you feel guilty about his condition (although no one is to blame), - but they also see their whole life in dark tones, including their relationship with you, and you yourself.

5. Your partner is always right

To strive to be right is quite natural for a person, but only as long as he/she does not want to be right at any price in any situation. If your partner denies the very possibility that he, too, makes mistakes, this is a real problem. This is especially bad for your emotional health if he/she also has a penchant for statements like “If you don’t like something about me – you are free to go.” In healthy adult relationships, needs, interests, and emotions of both parties are considered: it ranges from the matters of making a dinner to the choice of a future apartment. Everyone has the right to vote. How is this related to depression? The absolute rightness of one person always means that the other is mistaken: that is, if he is always right, then you are always wrong. An alarming flywheel of introspection is launched - and as a result, the very feeling of helplessness arises, from which the path to the depths of depression begins.

6. Your partner is not fulfilling his/her obligations

In any relationship, there are unwritten obligations, so basic that it is difficult to talk about them: help around the house, prepare breakfast for two, and not just for yourself, do not interfere with each other's sleep. Sometimes there is a situation when one person adheres to these elementary principles, and the other suddenly stops. This passive-aggressive behavior is very noticeable and creates a feeling of non-reciprocity. People most often cannot really discuss such a problem, because it is rather difficult to articulate, it seems that the one who points it out makes a mountain out of a molehill. In response, you can get irritation and anger. This is hard because no matter how small this problem may seem, you are ignored at best for speaking out about such nonsense.

Being in a Relationship with Someone with Depression

So, what is it like being in a relationship with someone who has depression? Intimacy is destroyed by the depression of one or both partners. But how does depression affect love? The fact is that a depressed person experiences special emotions in relation to the world around him/her and people close to him/her. Often, the depressed state is accompanied by a desire to isolate yourself from other people in order to disturb yourself less with negative thoughts, as well as from the surrounding world, which causes negative emotions. A person understands the negative impact of their mood on love relationships. But at the same time, they feel their own uselessness and worthlessness, which makes them feel the fear of conflict, the desire to manipulate their partner with the help of emotional tricks and the fierce desire to preserve the relationship.

A person wants to improve relations, but their methods and techniques only repel a partner who can also be in a depressed state. If both partners are depressed, the relationship is destroyed very quickly. Each of them moves away from the other on their own, only occasionally recalling their affection. But if one wanted to get close, it still does not mean that the second also wants it. If only one partner is in a depressed state, then the second partner sometimes cannot simply understand and even avoid it, since everything happens at the level of emotions in an inadequate form. A depressed person wants something, but expresses his desires in a very hot-tempered way, sometimes aggressively or very compassionately. And this puts pressure on the psyche of a healthy partner.

Often, unsuccessful attempts to improve relations between partners, when one or both have depressive symptoms, lead to the fact that relationships begin to accumulate problems that are not customary to discuss. A person in a depressed state is simply not able to adequately and convincingly solve problems. This is when depression hurts your relationship, it is when it gets to your psyche to the point of affecting your rational thinking and the ability to solve problems.

Can a Relationship Cause Depression?

We’ve already answered the questions of “how to deal with depression in a relationship?” and “how depression affects relationships?”. Considering that depression and love relationships go together quite often, can a relationship cause depression? Of course, it can. Many people suffer from this type of depression. For some, it’s because they are feeling guilty of not loving their partner anymore, they do not like the routine they got themselves into. Spouse, kids, parenting, dishes, all of this stress becomes a burden that cannot be possibly escaped. You’ve got yourself into this already, now deal with it. The mistakes of the past haunt you to this day and are sitting in the adjacent room. For others, it may be too much stress, because of jealousy, of being afraid to go away, of being afraid to get dumped. All of these fears, even if they are irrational, can cause a person a lot of pain.

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