How to Stop Feeling Lonely

22.11.2018

Around twenty years ago people were claiming that with the advance of the Internet, the world would get more connected. And you can't prove them wrong. Our world indeed got more connected. At the same time, it feels that the more the world gets connected the more lonely people feel. Is it the Internet that makes us feel lonely? This theory seems quite suitable, as when you scroll down your Facebook feed and see people discussing something you have no idea about, you are most likely to feel left out. But we can't blame the Internet for our loneliness, as there are far more reasons that make us feel lonely. We need to evaluate the reasons behind loneliness to figure out how to cure it.

How to Stop Feeling Lonely

The Essence of Loneliness or Why People Feel Lonely?

When we said that you can't blame the Internet for your loneliness, we weren't wrong. Now, ask yourself, how often do you feel lonely even when you are not alone? Most likely you do, as according to the 2014 study conducted by the relationship charity organization Relate, one in ten people feels absolutely lonely. There are several reasons why we feel lonely. A lot of people don't have close friends, and according to the same study, around 20% of people have never felt loved. Okay, maybe you do have friends but still feel lonely. Now, ask yourself how close you are? Most likely you are surrounded by emotionally unavailable people. The reason why you may have never experienced love lies in the fact that you are too obsessed with finding your perfect match and, as a result, you are not even trying to start a relationship. Of course, you may say, “It’s not a big deal!”, but you need to know about the severe consequences of loneliness. On the mental side, you are at a higher risk of developing sleep disorder, depression, and dementia. On the physical side, lonely people are at a higher risk of having a weaker immune system and dying from heart disease.

Symptoms of Loneliness

After learning the above-mentioned consequences of loneliness, you probably started Googling something like "how not to feel lonely". Well, it's a good reaction, but before finding a way to fight loneliness, you need to figure out whether loneliness is the thing that you are experiencing. In order to help you, we've collected the symptoms of loneliness.

1. Sleeping Disorder

We've told you about that, but we need to give you more information on it. The main problem is that the lonelier you get the lower your chances of getting normal restful sleep. So, if you are wondering around your house at 4 am trying to figure out why you can't sleep – loneliness can be your answer.

2. Spoiled Diet

You started consuming enormous amounts of chocolate? Well, it can be also a sign of loneliness. As consuming a lot of chocolate can soothe the feeling of being lonely. Well, you may feel less lonely, but your health goes down the spiral.

3. Social Networking

If you spend hours and hours on social networks, most obviously you don't have a lot of people to talk with in your offline life. Well, this may seem too obvious, but 500 friends online have nothing to do with real friendships.

4. High Irritation

You are blowing things out of proportion frequently? The waitress spoke to you not friendly enough? Today's weather ruined all your plans? The traffic is obnoxious? And you would rather kill someone because of that, but… no one is around.

5. Depression

If you collect everything above-mentioned, add that to the feeling of being completely lost in life, and you'll get depression, which, as we've already stated, develops because of loneliness.how not to feel lonely

Steps to Stop Feeling Lonely

Okay, now that you’ve learned all the horrors that loneliness can bring, it's time to figure out what to do about it. So, we offer you to check out some information on how to stop feeling lonely.

Accept It As a Feeling

Of course, you are wondering what to do when you are lonely and mostly you come up with the most dangerous decision – to ignore it. Yep, loneliness seems to be the disease of the 21st century and no one wants to be sick. However, it is much worse to deny the fact that you are sick. Ignoring the fact that you are feeling lonely equals agreeing to all the negative outcomes of loneliness. That's why the very first step in dealing with your loneliness is accepting loneliness as a feeling. Next steps in curing loneliness would be much easier to make after accepting it.

Maintain and Enhance Relationships

Okay, you may have no close friends, but it doesn't mean that you should forget about those who are already around. Maintaining and enhancing relationships that you already have, that's how to deal with loneliness. Ask your coworker to grab a cup of coffee. Let them get to know you a bit more. Get to know them better than you do. Don't lock yourself in your home, as there is no way that you are going to cure your loneliness like that. Try communicating with people as much as possible. Make this communication stronger than it already is.

Disconnect from Social Media

Well, we've said that you need to communicate as much as possible, but we've meant offline. Yep, if you want to cure your loneliness, you need to ditch your social networking. While you may feel more comfortable with communicating online, there is one problem with that. Social networking helps to create an illusion that you have a lot of friends. But as we've mentioned before, having 500 friends online doesn't mean that you have at least one offline. And whether you like it or not, but we are living in the offline world, so disconnect from social media.

Refocus Your Attention

Most likely your attention was fixed on something like rude waitress and traffic jams that are driving you mad. Refocus your attention on something else. Do you have a hobby? If you don't, find yourself one. The best way is to find a hobby that would require communication with other people. Focus on finding new friends. Find a new interest that you can focus on. The more you focus on the things that irritate you, the more often you will meet them.

Learn to Enjoy Your Own Company

One of the main reasons why you feel lonely is that you are not feeling comfortable with yourself. Loneliness strikes you even when you are not alone only if you don't enjoy company of yourself. Probably, you are constantly thinking about your negative aspects and counting your flaws. Give it up. You are not even half that bad as you think you are. You are way better and you need to enjoy yourself. If you think that you can't attract other people, then the reason behind that is your lack of self-confidence, self-sufficiency, and self-respect. As soon as you start enjoying your own company, you will find a lot of friends.

Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

The main problem why you feel lonely and depressed is that you are comfortable with that. You may not realize that, but your loneliness is your comfort zone. You can't really blame yourself for that. Your loneliness made you suffer, and the easiest way to bear the suffering is to get used to it. That's how you've made a comfort zone from your loneliness. But if you don't want you loneliness to eat you up, you need to move out of your comfort zone as soon as possible.

Actions to Stop Feeling Lonely

What we've been talking about above is the very first steps on what to do when you feel lonely. But now it's time to learn the real actions on how not to feel lonely. So, let's figure out how to fight loneliness.

Change Your Surroundings

People often wonder whether they can catch loneliness from another person or become depressed because of their living conditions. No matter how strange it may sound, but yes you can catch loneliness from your surroundings. If you have a depressive friend, most likely you are going to get depressed as well. So, what to do when depressed because of someone's loneliness? It may be extremely hard for you, but you need to ditch a friend like that. Of course, you may try help him/her a few times, but if it doesn't work – ditch him/her. One of the best ways to fight loneliness is to change your surroundings.

Do Stuff That Makes You Feel Good

Another important thing in fighting your loneliness is focusing on doing that stuff that makes you feel good. When you are depressed because of your work, focus on something that brings you joy. Regardless of what it is. Maybe you like drawing or going to the parties. Maybe you like visiting museums or galleries. Regardless of what makes you feel good, do that. That's the way to fight loneliness. Doing that stuff that makes you feel good really helps in curing your loneliness. First of all you would get more confident. Secondly, you are more likely to attract new people into your life.

Concentrate on Your Loved Oneswhat to do when you are lonely

Remember what we've said about maintaining and enhancing relationships that you already have? Concentrate on your loved ones. That really helps in bearing your loneliness. Focusing on your loved ones makes you feel less lonely, as you are feeling needed. The main thing about loneliness is that you feel yourself absolutely worthless because no one needs you. When you devote your time to your loved ones, you feel that someone needs you. As soon as you realize that someone needs you, you will no longer feel lonely. You stop focusing on your solitude and start taking part in someone else's life.

Find People That Are Like You

Okay, there is a possibility that you may have no loved ones. That means that you need to find people that are like you. The best way is to find someone via engaging in hobbies that require communicating with other people. Join the reading club. Okay, we've said that you need to ditch social networking, but we have to admit that it is the easiest way to find people like you. Nothing contradictory, though. The trick is to get your communication offline as soon as possible. Start your communication online but continue it offline. If you stay online, you will continue feeling lonely.

Get a Pet

Well, you may not be comfortable with finding new friends or may not feel ready for that. There is a way to solve this problem. You can get a pet. Okay, you won't get much verbal communication from a pet, but your pet needs you. The pet allows you to refocus your attention. You will have to take care for it. You will need to feed it, take it for a walk, depending on a pet. But the most important thing is that a pet can easily reduce your feeling of loneliness and make you ready for finding friends.

Think About Others

Another reason for your loneliness is the fact that you are constantly thinking about yourself. You are pitying yourself. Every day you are thinking about how lonely and how depressed you are. You need to focus on others. Think about the others, think about their feelings and try to care for others more. You are complaining that you can't find friends. Now, think, with all your constant whining, would you want to be your own friend? Quite unlikely. Sometimes thinking about the way other people see you helps you to figure out your flaws and find the way to fight your loneliness.

Understand Your Feelings

You need to understand your own feelings. Why are you feeling lonely? What is the exact reason behind your loneliness? Are you uncomfortable with yourself and that's why you feel uncomfortable with other people? Are you craving for closeness but don't know how to get to it? Is the absence of people in your life actually a problem for you? Are you lonely even when you are not alone? Before you decide fighting with your loneliness, you need to find the answers to those questions. Otherwise you can't be sure whether the actions that you are going to take are right or wrong.

Understanding your feelings is crucial, as it allows you to figure out what exactly you are lacking and what you need to do next. That's how you can find out whether you need to find more friends or break off all the contacts with friends that you already have. Understanding your feelings can also help to find out the reason behind your feeling lonely and depressed. Mind that without realization of the reasons behind your loneliness, your pursuit to find the way to get rid of it will be ultimately worthless. Only after figuring that out you would be able to decide whether you need a new job, new friends, or a new life.

Work On Yourself

The major problem with realizing your loneliness lies in the fact that people stop upon the realization. You just say "I'm lonely" to yourself and that's the end of the story. But you need to work on yourself to cure your loneliness. The sole realization of the problem is never enough. So, when you figured out what is exactly wrong with you, it's time for action. You are lonely because you are kinda unsympathetic character? Well, you need to find the way to solve this problem. You are lonely because you are all guarded when someone is trying to enter your life? Start letting people in.

You need to work on yourself and work on your life. If you want to stop feeling lonely, you need to work hard to make your life better. Without trying to improve your life, fighting for loneliness is absolutely worthless. So, change the job if it makes you depressed. Yes. You need some extra knowledge to qualify for another job? Go get an education. Yes it may seem hard, but as soon as you start working on making your life better, you will notice that everything that seemed impossible a few days ago turns out to be more than possible.

Solitude Est Une Maladie

If you need a kick to start fighting your loneliness, you may start from translating the phrase above. It may encourage you to start learning French and you may find some new friends there. Loneliness is a disease, but no one said that it is incurable. If you take the above-mentioned steps and actions, you won't find combating your loneliness difficult. Upon following those rules, you can come up with your own, more progressive ways to fight loneliness and depression that are more suitable for you. Regardless of that, you need to deal with your loneliness, and it is more than possible.

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