Tips for Couples Moving in Together

30.10.2018

How to figure out when it's time to change your status from “we date” to “we live together?” And how to understand that this person is truly the one you’re ready to share a roof with? Sooner or later, almost every couple faces problems and uncertainty that come with the decision to start living together. On the one hand, the prospect of spending as much time with your loved one as you can is wonderful. But on the other, there are tons of examples of how daily routine destroys love. Besides, there’s always the risk of moving in together too soon.

Living under the same roof isn’t just coffee in bed every morning but also duties, joys, and difficulties that you and your significant other need to divide in half. You should be prepared for the fact that you’ll have to abandon the illusions and return to reality, to clearly understand that your boat is going on a long voyage called family life. You must become one solid team. Make sure that you take as much time as you need to carefully consider everything related to moving in with your girlfriend. But what exactly should you consider? Browse through this article, and if you find yourself agreed with at least half of it, then you’re more than ready for this responsible step.

moving in together too soon

How long should you date before moving in together?

Let's start with the most important thing. If you’re looking for some exact time frame, like 9.5 months, then we’re sorry, but you won’t find anything like that here. All couples are different, and much depends on your goals, aspirations, and the reasons why you believe that it’s time to begin living together. There are more important things, such as the signs that can give an almost precise answer to when it’s time to start packing your stuff and looking for a cozy apartment. Here are the main ones.

You spend at least five nights a week together. The more time you spend together, the calmer you’ll feel after moving in. You both know what to expect from each other and look at things from a healthy perspective. You already know that your significant other leaves dirty clothes everywhere, and they’re aware of how irritable you get when you don’t get enough sleep. How do you feel when you spend the night apart? If you miss your partner and don’t enjoy peace and quiet, then you might have a chance after you move in.

How long should you date before moving in together? If you’ve been dating for at least half a year, that should be enough. We tend to idealize our partners at the beginning of a relationship, and we don’t even know about it. That’s why you’d better wait until your brain can finally analyze your loved one soberly. After six months, both of you begin to see the picture of your relationship more clearly and can already understand whether you can trust your companion with your collection of “The Beatles” posters.

You went on a long trip together and had a great time. Living together, you’re forced to solve a bunch of problems like household chores distribution, and a joint vacation is just a smaller equivalent of family life. If you nailed it, and it wasn’t hard for you to be together 24/7, you passed the test with flying colors.

You have your own shelf in your partner’s closet and a toothbrush in their bathroom, and they keep some stuff in your apartment too. This means you’re quite comfortable sharing small space.

You passionately want to be together. And it’s not just about convenient conditions and the same goals. You simply can’t imagine your life without your partner, and the feeling’s mutual. You should start planning on moving in with your partner.

You’ve already spoken about the future, and it turned out that both of you are aimed at a long-lasting relationship. It’s great when your key life plans coincide.

When you don’t agree with each other, you deal with it peacefully. You’re well able to reach an agreement and find a solution that works for both. Living with someone is all about compromises.

Questions to ask before moving in together

Before you start discussing what bath mat to choose or what color the dishes should be, try to reach an agreement on more global issues. Here are five questions you might stumble upon when moving in with your significant other.

moving in together adviceDo you really want it?

Of course, you are worried as hell because this step will completely change your life. But was the desire to move in deliberate? We mean, not like “Alright, let's try” but rather “Yes, I want it!” If something’s bothering you, tell your loved one about it right now. Don’t let your discontent accumulate.

Do we have a future?

One of the reasons that make couples break up is the difference between the ideas of a joint future. Sure, it’s pretty convenient to live under one roof and have no obligations whatsoever. But over time, you begin to think about something more. Relationships must develop, move forward. And the next step after moving in with a girlfriend is a wedding. Would you like to propose to your partner? Would she like to accept your proposal?

Won’t we get bored with each other?

As soon as you start living together, some part of that charm and romance will disappear. And this is quite natural because your relationship moves to another, more intimate and trusting stage. While a quiet walk with holding hands was enough for you a couple of months ago, you’ll want more in the future. Friendly relations are no less important than love. Do you spend time together often? Do you have common things to discuss or a joint hobby?

Are you satisfied with my attitude to life?

Does your partner like the goals that you set for yourself? Do you share their ideas, values, and attitudes? Do you like each other's friends? Are you ready to introduce your significant other to your circle of friends? Here’s a piece of advice for couples moving in together: have these questions figured out.

Will we have enough money?

Unfortunately, the financial issue often becomes decisive. At first, you’re full of enthusiasm and sure that money isn’t the main thing. But then your desires and demands begin to grow. And it's nice if you can afford to get a bit sidetracked when shopping. But when you spend money from the family budget for personal needs, expect a conflict.

Things to talk about before moving in together

At the first stages, difficulties are inevitable. After all, you weren’t together all the time before, and you could miss out on some of your loved one’s bad habits. If you’re going to live side-by-side, you should learn as much as possible about each other. Here’s what to discuss before moving in together.

Redistribution of personal boundaries

When you start living together, your personal boundaries change. You violate each other’s private space and tweak borders. To make adaptation to the new conditions go faster, you should reconsider your old habits and, perhaps, sacrifice some of them for a common future.

Money

Few couples can talk openly about money. Back in the day, it was a man’s job to solve this issue. Now, you have a joint budget, and it’s better to discuss how you’re going to manage it beforehand.

Daily regime

You’ll face a lot of relationship changes after moving in together, and your daily regime is the first one. If your partner is an early bird, and you’re not, find the time of day that suits both of you. Try to turn this inconvenience into an advantage.

Temperament difference

There are no people with the same temperament. You and your partner are a mix of several types. This means that there’s a high probability that your temperaments won’t match. And although the difference may be significant, a couple may not just get along peacefully but complement each other too.

Personal space

A lot of conflicts arise when partners don’t have their own space where they can have some rest from all that anxiety about moving in together. When your underwear lies in one big pile together with your loved one’s T-shirts, the same mess can come into your relationship, as well.

Tips for couples moving in together

Moving in together is such a serious step that, sometimes, its scale distracts from small but important details each couple should take into account. There are at least five tips for couples moving in together. Try to follow them.

tips for moving in together1) Start packing your bags early

You should deal with your stuff before you move. Tidy up and decide what things really matter to you. Leave some space for new things that you’ll buy with your partner. Divide your stuff into four categories: keep, sell, give away, and throw away. Keep the clothes you wore over the past year and a few pieces of furniture that you don’t plan to buy in the nearest future. Sell what’s valuable but useless to you. Give away clothes and shoes that you haven’t worn for a long time, books, and everything that’s not worth the time you’d spend finding a potential buyer for. And throw everything else away. Don’t forget to ask for your partner’s opinion before getting rid of something.

2) Don’t ignore the drawbacks

Moving in together advice number two: keep an eye out for each other’s flaws. These can be both minor and very serious problems. For instance, snoring can be an obvious reason for a breakup. But the abuse of sleeping pills can go unnoticed until you begin living together. How well do you know each other? In some cases, a few talks are enough to answer these questions:

  • Can you take a shower together, or you prefer to do this alone?
  • Who will be responsible for paying the bills?
  • What are the weaknesses of your partner? Or maybe we’re talking about your weak points? In this case, try to look at yourself from another perspective and decide what you’re ready to change about yourself.

3) Deal with financial management quickly

The money issue is the main source of conflicts. Although you don’t owe your loved one anything, it’s better to say how much you earn so you could better plan your expenses. The same goes for debts. Find out who's better at managing finances. If your significant other is a spender, set up an automatic money transfer from their account to yours. This way you’ll be sure that you’ll have enough cash to pay the rent if something goes wrong.

4) Distribute household duties

As a rule, the first one who gets sick of seeing a mountain of dirty dishes on a kitchen table washes it. That’s unfair. To avoid relationship problems after moving in together, discuss equality in household chores.

  • Who takes out the garbage?
  • Who washes the dishes? Often, this would be the one who doesn’t cook. But, perhaps, it’s easier for one of you to take over the kitchen completely.
  • Who repairs the wardrobe when it starts to creak?

5) Don’t pretend that you’re a family already

Some see the idea of moving in together as the first step towards family life, and this is true for many. Couples living under the same roof have an excellent opportunity to check each other’s generosity, emotional, sexual, and financial compatibility, and willingness to compromise. But the fact that you’re sharing an apartment now doesn’t mean that you’ll definitely become a strong family!

These tips for moving in together didn’t come from nowhere, you know. Following them, you may boost your chances to survive this new stage of your relationship. Don’t rush things and be ready to compromise – and you’ll get along just fine.

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